What would my non depressed self advise?

[ModeratelyDepressedSelf]

Unfortunately I have hit some moderate (self diagnosed) depression during a messy marriage breakdown. Ex P had an addiction relapse months ago and fortunately isn't local but it's been tough and upsetting.

I'm struggling with lots of things but I'm posting to ask for advice about my lack of ability to do as good a job as I want to parenting my neurodiverse child.
If I wasn't depressed what would I think was 'good enough' parenting in a depressed friend? I'm not going to help DC by beating myself up for being rubbish and prolonging the depression.

Currently I'm in a really typical daily pattern of feeling absolutely awful first thing then slowly feeling more normal as the day wears on so by this time in the evening I'm functioning well enough.
I know this will pass eventually.

I'm seeing a counsellor and not planning to speak to my GP. I had a very bad reaction to antidepressants many years ago so wouldn't go down that route.

In my opinion my child needs more from me than I have the capacity to give right now. I'm doing the basics of a stable life and their individual disability related needs but not eg spending an hour in the evening helping them enjoy non screen activities after eating.

Any notions of balanced good sense gratefully recieved.

Oh this is rubbish for you. Firstly, how old is your child? Are they in school? Do you work? What's your daily routine at the moment?

Honestly, that sounds completely fine. The only thing I’d say is I personally find the time between the school run and dinner/bedtime verrrrry long! It’s the hardest part of the day for me. I find it’s easier on the days we are out of the house, so planning in a trip to the playground, supermarket, to a class/activity helps a lot.

I have cancer. I’m not depressed. I’m just bloody exhausted. My dc come home from school and on the days they don’t have an activity to go to, they rotate between playing in the garden and sitting on screens. Older one has to do homework (or gets detention), so we scrape by doing the bare minimum. I do absolutely nothing with my younger one at the moment though. He will play in the garden, but he can also watch Bluey for 3 hours. Bedtime consists of me putting myself to bed at 8pm and youngest (he’s 7) craws into my bed and falls asleep. When dh finishes all the tidying and loading the dishwasher and any work he has to do, he comes up and hoists him back into his own bed. I can’t even manage bedtimes.

It’s fine. They are loved and fed and they do things they enjoy. One day life will be better and we will do days out again more and we will do all the homework and I won’t be in bed by 8pm. Lots of screen time is always better than shouting and substance abuse and tension. Like me, you are working on getting better so that you can be here for a long time. That’s more important than everything being perfect - what is perfect anyway?

Thank you @Springadorable

My child is in primary school part time. I'm not doing my self employed work at the moment mainly because of their needs but other factors too.

Daily routine: disturbed night (DC wakes) early morning wake up, morning routine varies depending on whether a school day (DC part time). Just getting through the day as best I can. Sorry that's not a very detailed description!

Thank you @mindutopia I'm glad you're not depressed but so sorry to hear you have cancer. That's just the sane perspective I need. DC knows they are loved.

I am utterly exhausted a lot of the time. I have a bunch of demanding things on my ongoing to do list and I'm progressing at a snails pace.

Ok, so I would focus on getting your energy and thoughts together first thing by using the TV to your advantage in the mornings before school. Get up, come down and have simple breakfast - toast or crumpets or anything that can't be spilled and doesn't require active supervision. They can eat at the table or while playing, whatever feels easiest. Then go straight upstairs to do teeth and get dressed. The faster they get ready, the more TV they can have once downstairs again. TV on, you have a cup of coffee and a cuddle with them on the sofa but zone out. Then out to school or rotate between morning activities that feel easy but your child enjoys e.g. good play parks, the beach, bike to pump track, anywhere you have a annual pass for.

As you warm up through the day I'd try to build in two fifteen minutes bursts of undivided attention. They can read to you, you can do a puzzle together, play football or catch in the garden, drive toy cars, help you prep dinner etc.. Nothing major that requires tidying or extra prep. In-between on a weekday I'd let them do their own games in-between while you're close but chilling. At the weekend I'd do the same but add a bit of semi educational TV (educational to appease any mum guilt, not for any other real reason!).

I hope things get easier for you x

Thank you ❤️ @Springadorable