4yo behaviour

[Dumpyjo]

4 yo dd (almost at the end of reception) has recently become a nightmare.
She's always had a temper but recently she's started hitting me and her dad, openly defiant (ask her not to do something, she does it repeatedly while laughing and shouting "you can't stop me"), deliberately hurting her little brother etc.
In the past time out has always worked but now she just hits and punches.
She was ok at school until recently she's started saying she doesn't like it and doesn't want to go but won't say why. I spoke to her teacher who said she's fine.
Any ideas???

Has she met her new teacher for next year yet? Could it be she's having an end of year transition wobble and can't explain it yet?

I've thought it may be something like that. Her teacher said they've started talking about y1 but dd seems excited.

It's not unusual to be excited while at school and have a wobble at home, in your safe space.

Has anything else happened at school recently, fall out with friends e.g.?

She's maybe just hot and tired. They all are at this point in the year. Normal routine falls apart a little bit as they do end of year activities. They talk about next year and meet the new teacher and discuss who is leaving etc. It's probably just a combination of things.

I'd try and pick your battles at home. Use positive (rather than negative) instructions where possible i.e direct her to what she should be doing instead of telling her what she shouldn't. If you need to remove her try and stay with her to help her regulate. Make time for calm, connecting activities. Encourage as much sleep as possible.

She'll probably settle down over the holidays.

It could be anxiety over moving classes. My middle DS is 4 and also approaching the end of reception and has been incredibly challenging these last few weeks. Generally okay at school aside from one recent incident with a peer but at home he’s been exhausting and is reminiscent of his behaviour as a 2yo.

On talking to him it turns out he’s very worried about moving to a new class. He was convinced he would be in a class on his own because he’s one of the youngest and he loves his teacher and doesn’t want to leave her. I’m currently putting the behaviour down to anxiety and hoping once he meets his new teacher next week that he’ll understand he’ll still be with his classmates (I have tried telling him this as well as my eldest but he just says we’re wrong so will let him see for himself!) and will know who he’s got in September. They’ve never had to do this before so it makes sense that they’re nervous! My eldest is pretty unbothered this year but he has been very nervous previous years, it’s always worse when he really likes the teacher he’s got.

Plus it’s the end of the school year. Both my school age kids are ready for a break but my reception son is feeling it the most. He loves school but you can tell he’s worn out.

Thank you everyone. It probably is just school exhaustion.

I have a 4 yo coming to the end of reception and her and most of her friends are a bit frazzled and tetchy.

That's not to say it's ok for her to lash out in the way she does. My daughter had a very challenging day last term and as a result I picked up a highly distraught child who ended up biting me. Once she calmed down and explained what had happened it made sense and we put in support for managing the day but we made it absolutely clear that biting was unacceptable and put consequences in place as a result. We spoke to the school to ensure the circumstances of that day couldn't be repeated and reassured her about this.

I'd also say that my daughters view of her school day and her teachers view of her day are wildly different. My daughter looks completely fine even when she's struggling internally so don't discount that she's struggling with school because the teacher says she is fine.

It worries me that things aren't as they seem at school but dd won't tell me anything. Just says she can't remember anything she's been doing.

With my daughter it's been the noise of the classroom and finding people to play with at lunchtime. She won't show the teachers that she's struggling with the noise though and she'll be stood near people at break times but struggles to integrate herself into what they are doing. So from a casual view it looks like she's playing with them but that's not how she is experiencing the situation.

A tip I was given when trying to identify what was causing her to say she didn't want to go to school was to ask her to draw the school and talk about bits she likes and dislikes. We haven't done it yet as she has been a bit better.