Self settling at 4mo - am I doing it all wrong?

[ridl14]

Would love some advice, feel like I'm both not doing it effectively and also upsetting my baby. 4.5 months old. Daytime naps are contact naps - I tried for a while putting him in Moses basket for nap 1 but was inconsistent with it.

Has a bedtime routine that used to end in me putting heartbeat sounds on and him feeding to sleep, holding for 20 mins then transferring. He used to do a 4-5h stretch at the start of the night but since hitting 4 months (+ heatwave) he started struggling to go down, waking up after a shorter time, sometimes almost immediately.

This week I took some advice to try self settling which worked for 3 nights (he did 2h at least having fallen asleep on his own in cot). Last 3 nights I've ended up giving up. The 4th night he had two false start tiny sleeps then woke up upset. Not including these he ended up awake for 5 hours, I ended up bringing him down while we ate dinner, and he was wide awake probably very overtired. Last couple of nights I've given up sooner.

I was doing a mix (probably bad in itself) of pick up, put down and Ferber. He was a lot calmer the first few nights. I didn't let him cry longer than 5 mins on that 4th night and it felt awful, he was sweating from crying and I'd been trying to put him down for over 2 hours at that point.

We're ending up cosleeping - my husband stays up overnight (flexible WFH) so he can watch us on the monitor. We're getting better sleep that way but I'm hearing so much about sleep associations. I don't want to do CIO and even Ferber felt too upsetting. Pick up, put down and the chair method I'm open to. I probably haven't given it enough time to work yet and done it inconsistently. I've also heard sleep training can be more effective at six months.

What worked for you? Or did anyone not try self settling at 4 months and not end up co sleeping indefinitely?

Okay that is great to know thank you! Is it like midday nap and a cat nap mid afternoon? I was wondering when he might drop to 2!

Mid morning nap (around
9 or 10, for 1.5 hours) and then around 3pm for 30-45 minutes. The switch is hard at first as they can stay awake for longer so you can't fit in a 3rd nap but not quite long enough either so we had to do a few weeks of 6pm bedtime. That was painful (but the transition is hard whether you sleep train or not).He's almost 11 months and about to drop to one nap!

Follow your own lead, you’re his mum and you know best. As long as your baby is fed, loved, clothed and clean you are not doing anything wrong. Being stuck inside for the first year is my worst nightmare. I was always out and about, baby classes, meeting friends who were also on maternity leave, sunny days in the big park/field I’d take a book and let DD sleep in her pram under shade. If you follow the safe sleep guide to co sleeping, your DH can relax and sleep too. It’s all about finding what works for you as parents and your individual baby as first time parents, your confidence will grow. X

@elm26 I was out at baby activities/mum&baby pilates/lunch with friends every single day Monday - Friday. Every day. I just timed it around his morning nap. Afternoon nap can be on the go, even if you do sleep train and are on a schedule. My mental health could not cope contact sleeping and napping and waking every 90 minutes anymore after 4 months. I also went back to work at 7 months and so did most of my friends by 9 months, so I think contact napping and cosleeping is only something you can keep doing if you're a SAHM and/or only have one child.

Trust your instincts!! We were made to protect our babies and hold them close at this young age, not leave them to cry and “self-settle”. Lots of research on this including one study where mothers’ cortisol went down once baby stopped crying and fell to sleep, babies’ cortisol remained very high and didn’t go down. Our babies need us to nurture them at night, not ignore them 🩵 recommend following goodnightmoonchild on this topic on Instagram