Normal 3 year old behaviour or concerning behaviour?

[SassyTraybake]

When do you know if something is normal toddler behaviour and when it’s a cause for concern?

My 3 year old hits, kicks, slaps myself, his dad, and his 1 year old sister. He also tries to sit on her back, push her down, repeatedly slam her head against the floor when she’s sitting down, poke her eyes. He doesn’t care when she starts crying, he doesn’t stop - even when he is told off or put in his room to calm down. It’s always unprovoked as well, she’ll be sitting next to him or doing her own things and he’ll go to her whenever we have our backs turned.

That would give me cause for concern, no I don't think it is normal behaviour.

Sorry OP I don’t think this is normal at all. I didn’t experience this with my now 4.5year old and almost 2 year old

I would be v worried about that behaviour, not normal at all and please protect the baby.

It's not typical behaviour, no. How is he at nursery/pre-school? Have they raised any concerns?

Sorry, I agree with others, I don’t think this is typical behaviour. My 3 year old and my niece and nephew (same ages) have temper tantrums and will occasionally hit out but they stop, they don’t intentionally try hurt anyone.

Does he attend nursery? Has anyone else raised any concerns?

Thank you everyone. He is in the process of being assessed for autism. He doesn’t talk yet, he has many meltdowns throughout the day, he hates noise, he doesn’t really play with toys.
He’s not in nursery yet, but in playgroups he is normally very well behaved, he’s never hit any other children or adults.

The baby is now separated from him, they sleep in different rooms and she is never left alone with him anymore.

I don’t know what to do - we’re waiting for him to join occupational therapy. He’s had speech therapy. Other than that I don’t know what do do, I feel like such a crap mum. He used to be so gentle up until he turned 2 1/2

I would be looking for a nursery place for him.

If he's three already he will be eligible for a school nursery place in September. Does the school he will go to for reception have a nursery attached?

thank you for your reply. Yes it does!

You've missed the normal application window, but I would call on Monday and find out what the process for late applications is.

If he does have SN the longer the school have to get to grips with this the better. Even if it turns out they're crap at dealing with SN's at least you'll find that out early! You'll also get an insight into how he'll cope in that environment etc.

What do you do when he acts like this? Immediately after he's done it?

I comfort the baby first and then I tell him off - I firmly say we don’t hit, that it hurts, and that he is going to sit in his room to calm down - we then count down - he comes out and I ask him to “say” sorry, which he signs.
I’m not sure if my strategy is daft or not.

Has the HV put you in touch with the local SN support groups and are you lucky enough to have any SN playgroups or even a Nursery locally?

I agree with finding out ehat the process is for Nursery, it sounds like he needs to go so that you can start to apply for his ECHP.

I think (I have an autistic child) you need to be very very vigilant, because there probably is a trigger it’s just not what you are expecting. Communication disorders are incredibly difficult for tiny people who don’t have any way out of their situation and have yet to gain the intelligence and maturity to think around their condition. The good news is things can really really improve as he grows up. Can he say any words with meaning?

How was he prior to the baby's birth ? Did he show any violence then ? Does he show violences towards anyone outside the family unit ?

Is it possible he is jealous of the baby and showing it through extreme behaviour because he is unable to explain it in words ?

Agree with everyone else that this is very concerning behaviour. My middle child is a bit jealous of my youngest, but the worst he's ever done is ignore her. Being violent, to this degree and repeatedly, is not something I'd expect.

This wouldn’t be normal for either of mine or their peers.

My daughters 5 and autistic with a pda profile she hits me alot, so my heart goes out to you because I know it’s hard, the only thing I would say is I don’t think putting him in his bedroom alone is doing any good, it’s isolating him whilst your comforting the baby, he might already feel jealousy towards her and that might make it worse, plus the time he’s hitting he’s having big feelings to that he can’t communicate, there’s normally always a underlying thing that’s causing it like sensory overload ect. When my daughter hits we keep saying “kind hands, kind feet” and then redirect because when we’ve said no in the past she kinda feeds of that or it escalates it. She’s really into numbers so I’ll say kind hands then say “I bet I can count to 100 in 10s” as a redirect it don’t always work but if he got a special interest try and use that as much as possible xx