Stay close to friends or move closer to family?

[Bookworm05]

Has anyone made this move or decided not to? DP and I settled in the city we went to university in. We've lived here our whole adult lives and now have two children aged 4 (about to start school) and 8 months old.

We live an hour away from my family. My mum comes over once a week to spend time with us and I drive us all over whenever I can. My mum also helps with childcare on a regular basis, making the hour journey each time. It is the highlight of my week seeing my family. Despite this, We are very happy here - lovely house, great neighbourhood, friends and ND 4 year old is settled at the school nursery. There is also lots to do for the children and especially when they grow up. However, I really miss my family. They live in a small town and growing up, we lived quite far away from e.g. The Cinema. Getting to go and see them is a military operation and we miss out on casual get togethers like Sunday dinner at my Dad's house, but I make the trip with my children whenever I can. I still have my grandparents and I loved growing up near to my family. My partner has a much smaller family than mine and they are all dotted around the country, we meet up a few times a year.

I'm just wondering if life would be easier nearer my family or whether uprooting my partner and 4 year old will just make them unhappy. Perhaps it would be easier but not happier? I'd just love some more support around us, for my children to be close to their cousins and to be able to just nip and see each other without it being a full day out all the time.

My partner is very sociable however in our current phase of life, we just don't see our friends very much. Especially our friends who don't have children. Im aware that if we did move, my partner would literally have my family and wouldn't know anyone else. I've made a pros and cons list and there is a balanced number for both moving and staying!

Can anyone offer any advice? Thanks if you made it this far!

First of all, and I think you are doing this, but keep it up in your analysis . . . factor "everything in," including the pros/cons of being near family and friends, as well as being in your current location. You've mostly touched on the "people" part, but do expand that thinking into everything that is a pro/con of living in a small town versus a bigger, uni town.

You do not want to trade for the conveniences of having family nearby to boredom for lack of things to do. What type of activities and hobbies do you, your partner and your children enjoy? Will you still be able to do those things where your parents live, or will you have more opportunities?

While friendships are important to maintain, there is a reason for the saying "friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life." Some of the friends you have now that you do not see often because you are not sharing similar paths in life simultaneously, such as parenting, may still be those friends for life that when you do see them, no time is lost, but they also could end up being those "friends for a season" when you were young or going to uni together, and just no longer have the same "reason" to be connected.

You will meet new friends, and especially when your children go to school and they develop friendships. You will find that you develop friendships with the parents who have children of the same age, at the same school, or neighbors, so don't stay in your university town merely for those friends you do not see often. But, if the town offers culture, activities and things to do that enrich your lives and are part of your routine, and these would be lost in a move to a smaller town, or not replaced with something equally inspiring, engaging, or enriching, then do consider that very big con.

Further, will the schools be comparable? Will you have the medical services you may need? Will you trade for lower or higher prices when it comes to services and goods?

But maybe you would get something in addition to the family pros, such as a more relaxed lifestyle with less work pressure, more chances to be outside in nature, or other things that you don't get in a larger city.

Think through all facets of pros and cons, regarding the people, the place and the changes that come with a new location and new job.

Stay where you are. Sounds like there’s lots more for the DC to do and that’ll make such a difference as they grow

Thank you anitarielleliphe.
What a great reply! So many points to consider. You are right about the small town thing- I don't have any friends there any more and have never really been fond of the awkward encounters with people I used to go to school with! Everything is perfect about where we live now, just minus my family. My partner pointed out earlier that we have had a really rough few weeks of poorly children and I'm coming to the end of my maternity leave and have been feeling quite lonely.

Also thank you to StJulian2023.
A fab straight to the point comment!