9 year old not listening

[Pinkette12345]

Hello - I’m tearing my hair out with my 9 year old son. He’s generally quite sweet but the argumentativeness and lack of listening is driving me round the twist! If he eats anything in a wrapper, I can guarantee the wrapper will just be left as he wanders off. I then ask for it to be put in the bin…multiple times. By which point I just think the amount I’ve asked about this I could have just done it myself 50 times over. He’ll argue back and split hairs any opportunity he can get, has no concept of when to stop going on and on when I say no to something and will use “but you didn’t ask me to” to deflect from the fact he hasn’t done something. I’m sure he thinks I’m making a huge drama about a lolly stick being left on the arm of the sofa or something, but by that point I’ve probably asked 5 times each for 5 different things! I just can’t see how I can sanction / reward this idea that he should put his own wrapper in the bin and stop arguing so much?!! I’ve tried positive, calmness, getting annoyed, reminders, clear instructions, complete openess and discussions etc and nothing works!! He isn’t SEN - he’s been quite headstrong ever since he was small. Any tips please would be amazing!!

Watching with interest as my kids are the same

I should also say by “argue” it’s more like pedantic debating, or if say no to something I have to give a full explanation to my decision (which sometimes he’ll accept, other times will see it as another good chance to debate!).

It’s normal behaviour. You have to look at praising him when he does do it, rather than picking him up on it. I think having some (more?) smaller waste paper baskets around your house will remind him to put stuff in the bin.

This. it's normal.

Also, next time he leaves his wrapper and doesn't put it in the bin when he asks, just leave it there. Next time he wants something, tell him he has to put that wrapper in the bin first.

I find it incredible how many times you have to say this kind of thing. But eventually they do start doing it IME.

My nearly 9yo is the same. It’s infuriating.
I find the phrase ‘this is the fourth (or whatever) time I’ve asked you’ wakes him up a bit.
Also ‘I can feel myself losing patience at being ignored and I don’t want to argue with you about this’.
I’ve now started linking what he hasn’t done to what he wants to do ie ‘we can’t go to get your football stickers until you’ve done XYZ’ which is basically bribery but useful sometimes.
Oh, and his pocket money is on a bonus scheme, ie if he has a good week of tidying up after himself and not leaving his grubby pants on his bedroom floor his pocket money increases to a set amount (the base amount isn’t much so it doesn’t feel too much like paying him to do the basics he should be doing anyway).

Sometimes some of these things work. Sometimes I could be talking to the wall.