What fellow parents honnestly think of this list of traits in child?

[Miracle1116]

Really looking for some oppinions and chat, I am not worried or looking for professional advice or anything, just keeping my eye on DS1 atm. No one irl is open for discussion, whereas I do believe that as fellow parents we should be able to chat and comment, exchange advise without causing panic and offence. That being said, I am just asking what would first come to your mind after reading some of my 4.5yo boy's traits:
Extrovert (not shy at all, very blunt as well)
Likes lining toys in very specific order which is not to be messed with in no way (only certain toys like animal figures)
Gets attached strongly to one person, eg one BFF, one uncle, one parent one teacher, etc, ignores everyone else
Sensory seeking, still constantly touching everything (but since he is old enough he will loudly exclame walking into shop "don't let me touch anything", he seems to not be able to control it)
Chewing toys up until recently, brestfeed until 2, so some kind of oral fixation seems to me
Hates feeling his clothes getting wet to the point he will strip naked publicly
Can handle heat, cold, pain extremely well, never complains sometimes just makes a remark in perfectly happy voice
Not scared of anything and no sense of danger whatsoever
Very very lively - got assessed for ADHD and dismissed as too young and being able to sit down and solve complex puzzle (among other things)
Picky eater but good appetite if its the food he likes
Explosive temper and prone to rough play, agressivnes, being subjected to a lot of hitting in nursery he started to copy and it does not help there are quite a few children with same issue in the group
Still has meltdowns
Speech, fine and gross motor skills developed early on more on advanced side
Interested in foreign languages, numbers, letters but also loves typical boys play for his age
Was a very serious baby
Very affectionate, prone to big emotions
Can't help singing while doing something, for example he always has to sing very very loud while riding a bike
Struggling with transitions massively, but setting up an alarm works very well
Would go and have a meltdown for 30 mins and then just say I am sorry I screamed and sit down and draw something nice for us
Could all be because of his age and immaturity but he is Def quirky in my opinion and I am keeping an eye on some of the things..
Thank you for reading such a long post and any thoughts are welcome :-)

As a preschool teacher yes this would point towards the child being neurodiverse to me.

Very much sounds like autism

If you have concerns you should speak with your Doctor. It’s pointless asking on Mumsnet. You need someone experienced to look at him as a whole. It’s very easy to exaggerate certain behaviours in your head when you are thinking about a certain diagnoses. It’s really hard to be objective.

Asd or possibly audhd would be my guess but you will probably have to wait and see. I would ask school if they could write a letter to ask the gp to refer for testing.

Who did the ADHD assessment on a 4 year old? That’s really not appropriate. When they did they assessment did they not signpost to another service?
your ds does sound like he’s presenting with traits of autism.

Thank you all for comments, first time poster so have no idea how to remove an accidental giff in my post 😀
That's really all I am asking for, honnest first thought that comes to your mind, I don't have concerns just observations at the moment, trying to be objective, and not to compare but everything I've noticed since birth is now more enhanced with DS2 who is a typical happy go child, way more reasonable and in tune is the best word. Also very active, lively, alert, so it just makes it more clear that not all energetic boys behave like this (as FTM I wasn't sure).
We don't live in UK so there is a different path to diagnosis and support if there is any, and he is too young according standard processes here so I am just learning and educating myself how to parent him in best possible way.
The reason I thought it would be useful to get comments on a forum is that in real life family and close friends see these traits as completely inherited from me (and my father) which is true. But because my father led a really easy, successful life and I am doing OK, it is seen as a compliment, positive, something funny to mention in a conversation.

I'm not concerned yet because his family, social and academic life is great at the moment. But, it is because of my 200% attention to him and his needs. Maybe at 4.5 y it is still not uncommon but I don't think he should have thatuch support, tip towing, parental adjustments at 7 y old for example. I am preparing for the moment when it might be obvious that no amount of parenting will mask some things when he starts school, but I equally won't be surprised if he grows out most of the behaviors by that time.
School starts at 7 y here.
Preschool at 6, before that is just nursery/kindergarten setting, low expectation on any formality, lots of play and outdoor activities so they don't have a high criteria to notice different traits in children this young.

So do ADHD assessment was under a child psycologist review I requested in nursery after he was on receiving but eventually on other end of hitting and no one was doing anything about it. That specialist introduced herself as one of the teachers and spent a few hrs for a few days in nursery setting observing him. Which I think is a great way to learn about the child every day environment.
It was not for ADHD but I did ask during our review, so we discussed and she dismissed it, providing that she would refer us to a different specialist if she thought there are any red flags because she is a psycologist, so she can only do a refferal. I know it is just one opinion and I am still not 100%, but she did elaborate on her explanation and examples of his behavior enough, my post are already too long to quote it lol
But it get me to lean more to the autistic spectrum than ADHD tbh

You are doing all the right things it might beastruggle as he learns to understand himself but he sounds lovely

I am not sure, could be age related. He is still very very young and most of his milestones are met.

My suggestion is to keep a detailed diary.
You will know once he goes to school and how he settles over time if there are any other issues. The diary would be helpful to refer back to in the future.

I really think just take him out a lot for lots of physical play in nature at this stage.

I would say flag for autism at least, My recommendation would be to get him into the school system as early as possible and make friends with the senco, your GP could refer for the most obvious cases but the teacher can see him a lot more and build up a clear picture.
Ask if he can be seen by an educational psychologist. It doesn't matter if they have a diagnosis or not, the EP can make recommendations about things that would help him in school.
At home keep going as you are, you can adapt your day around your child, but in school it's much harder for it to adapt to your child so that's when the problems start.
Good luck!

I don't think anyone can assess ND via mumsnet.

It may help to have strategies in place that work for ND children to help him be at his best.

Agreed, physical play and lots of outdoor activities make such a huge difference. It's just that sense thay we shall never ever skip it,that it is mandatory for us and adds additional stress to a busy day, feels a bit different than a typical family experience. I'm not complaining, I am used to it, but I do see the difference

My paed has refused to do adhd assessment on my son who is five and he will only go in the cahms waiting list when he is six later this year!! Anyone who does this kind of assessment on a four year old really? There is a reason why they wait until the children are older!
for context my son has an ehcp and extra support in mainstream school!

I would say the odds are high that we will be welcoming another member to team “high functioning” autism.

It’s a great place to be. There are some challenges, but overall, I wouldn’t trade who I am for anything. it has given me a fantastic, highly successful career. I have a husband and we are raising an amazing ASD teenager. Life is good.

of course, he might not be autistic. you son is just your son. What matters most is that you be the parent he needs. Don’t pick some arbitrary style of parenting or set of rules. Watch his cues and follow his lead. Think of yourself as his personal occupational therapist. That is all any child really needs. It is just especially true for Neurodiverse children.

I have a very similar DS, same age. Never hit anyone at nursery, and doesn’t like to line up toys. Was a very smiley baby, however, I recognise a lot of the traits and behaviour you are dealing with. I would add, very selective hearing…and a bit of stubborn opposition.
wondering as well and keeping an eye on it as well.
he will start school in September and will see how it goes.

Agree, especially because in our case she was extremely positive and just caught him on a good day, I swear some of the examples she gave I think she was observing another child :-) But she did say we should wait until he turns 6 anyway,to have a more clear picture.
As I said, I am not denying or claiming anything, just after some genuine oppinons. Just a chat and exchange od advise, not looking for anyting more on MN so every comment is welcome :-)

I’ll be honest, I’m a teacher. Within a couple of lines I saw traits similar to
children I’ve worked with who are diagnosed autistic. As other have said there is some potential audhd.

AuDHD. Takes one to know one 😁

If I can give you any reassurance, hitting part is so stressfull.. I thought there is nothing worse than your child being hit, bitten etc. Until my own started doing the same and it is, at least for me even more stressful, my child has hurt another child, even being the original aggressor, still feels terrible and I wish I had a magic stick to make no parent ever be in either situation.

Exactly. Because we share the same personality traits I find it easy to turn into occupational therapist 😀😀always conscious that to the outsiders it looks like mum and her precious first born son (does not help that my DH and DS2 are way too proper in every sense, try living with 2 virgos but that's not the topic here lol).
I'm trying to find that balance between properly parenting and not spoiling him but also understanding him. As I do belive he is wired a bit differently, to what extent, the time will tell. As I mentioned, same traits in my family didn't bring anything but positive, but it is 2025 and I should provide more support to him anyway

Thank you, I am really after honest and thoughtful oppinions, I know MN won't provide a diagnosis or solution, I just felt a need to chat openly about my gut feelings.
As English is not my native language, I suppose AuDHD stands for autism and ADHD combined?

Yes it does.

Sometimes posts like this can be tricky. Just keep at it with the paediatrician. I’ve been waiting on some paperwork from school for DS to pursue my next appointment, but evidence from his last appointment wasn’t enough evidence for an autism dx.

I would say that should you push for an evidence review (I don’t know what they call it in your area but it’s where a team of experts meet and look at how your DC presents etc) and you will most likely get an autism dx.

Yes, review process is basically the same, with same challenges and long waiting lists, parents are pretty much on their own while looking for support which I would also rate as way less useful than in UK.
I haven't started it yet, yesterday was the first time I mentioned ND out loud to my DH and written this post. (after a particular meltdown incident DS1 had)