AIBU to wish I had an easier baby?

[KStar1404]

I struggled to conceive and so I know how lucky I am to have a healthy 9 month old - but god it’s hard. He’s never been an ‘easy’ baby - he had bad colic as a newborn and struggled with reflux. Got better when we started weaning but then he was very frustrated at not being able to crawl / move. He is now mobile but hates being contained - cries in the pram, jumperoo, play pen - and he never sits still for a second, which is making it impossible to do anything when he is awake. I know all babies have challenges but when I go to play groups and things I feel like other babies are just a lot more ‘chilled’ and happy to sit / amuse themselves. I know I shouldn’t compare but he also has a cousin a similar age who is like a little Buddha - he is the most placid baby I have ever met whereas mine has been so wriggly and strong willed from word go. I’m probably just feeling down cause he’s teething and being extra fussy but god when does it get easier?

Don’t compare! Mine never has been a still baby - he enjoyed a contact nap but as soon as awake was moving about and didn’t really enjoy being ‘sat’ with. He’s 14 months now and he’s learnt to walk and is the happiest thing now! He’s also got brilliant fine and gross motor skills due to never stopping moving 😂 it gets better, he now can play at our feet and on the floor etc and he’s much more content x

I have a similar 10 month old. Reflux, dairy allergy, and early with all his milestones. Started rolling at 10 weeks FFS which totally ruined his sleep. First teeth at 5.5 months. Crawling at 6.5 months. Days away from walking independently now at 10 months.

I was so dismayed about the crawling. Could not have a sip of coffee around him since.

Will absolutely not be contained.

The second he opens his eyes it's GO GO GO.

Some of the babies at baby groups are just potatoes in comparison.

But he's healthy, doing well, and maybe by doing everything early he'll be less frustrated later on? That theory has not worked so far 😂

@Butterflysunshine01 i think the last time our son contact napped was when he was four months and fell asleep on us on a plane 😂 he’s not very cuddly at all! I’m hoping that the older and more competent he gets the happier he will be - I think a lot of this comes from frustration at not being able to do things. I thought him being able to crawl would help but I seem to just spend my life chasing him and making sure he doesn’t injure himself!

@Rookieblue889 wow that is early! I am lucky at least in that mine is a fairly good sleeper, otherwise I’m really not sure how I would cope with him being so high energy during the day… it’s exhausting!

There are many stages to go through...you may end up with an easy toddler or an easy teen and those with easy babies may end up having nightmare older children.

Honestly it changes.

I know babies who were placid delights and the envy of all... by age 2 that same child made me shudder in horror at the prospect of the little cherub being mine.

Its old and hackneyed but everything is a phase.
I thought the reflux would NEVER END. But its almost month 18 with ds2 and I see an end in sight. And can believe one day soon I'll be able to get rid of the million double bibs I own.

Yes I also had a super active baby who always wanted to walk, run and climb! He wasn't a great sleeper either. The good news is that since 2yo he's been a very easy child and teenager - he's 19yo now. Hang in there OP! It's a marathon not a sprint.

My first was a little happy potato. My fourth is a little demon-child 🤷‍♂️

Dd1 was not an easy baby (even compared to my 2nd pregnancy that was twins - super chilled babies but tricky toddlers). Dd1 has however been pretty much a dream from toddler onwards and is now 17 and just lovely. Keep going. The baby bit is exhausting and often feels thankless but you’ll come through and it does get better. Not sure easier is the right word - issues are different along the way - but the laughter with my dc began more at age 2-3 ish and hasn’t stopped.

I hear you! We ended up buying this giant playpen from Temu and padded it out with foam squares and some soft play bits from Smyths and it was a god send. I’d pop him in there with some Ms Rachel on the tele while I ran the loo, made a cuppa (scrolled my phone). I think the key was that he didn’t realise he was penned in.

Definitely know where you're coming from. After my first turned out to be a relatively easy baby and the easiest toddler ever, my second came as a true shock to the system.

Quite frankly, I think he hated being a baby, and at points I hated him being a baby too. Everything was harder. He was colicky, he was slow to wean, late to crawling and then to walking. Which was awful as it was all he wanted to do. And boy did he let us know when he was displeased with something..... He was tantrumming from 9 months old. There was a patch where his sleep sent me spiraling into PPD. Though thankfully he slept through from 12 months.

Once he could walk (18 months) things got better, but he would tantrum at the drop of a hat until he had the language to tell us what he wanted. Which was gradually from ~21 months to 2 and a half. He's 3 now and the absolute joy and light of my life. He's still got big emotions about things, but he's got the language and understanding to be reasoned with.

I daren't have another child though. I can't risk having another like that. My mental health couldn't take it.

I do get where you are coming from, (thanks DC2) though with babies there is such a thing as too easy/placid. DC1 was the easiest baby ever, amused himself, slept anywhere and rarely cried. Got an ASD diagnosis aged 5.

This was me. I especially remember my eldest never napped and was constantly miserable and cranky. I’ll never forget being at baby group and the other mums saying once their babies came up close to one they were missing the newborn stage and talking about ttcing again. I was WTF I was still traumatised and struggling with the one I had.

I have four boys. Only one of mine has been ‘chill’

This was my eldest. He was the hardest baby and toddler I have ever seen. I lost count of the number of places we left because he was either crying, destructive or unable to sit still or leave the electrics alone. He didn’t sleep through the night. He was hard work until he was about 5, he improved after that and from about 8 he was easy. He was an easy teen and a wonderful calm, charismatic and amazing 23 year old.

YANBU to wish that it was easier! That's a wish we've all made!

But actually the thing that will make it easier is accepting and leaning into what he's actually like Vs what you wish he was like.

He doesn't like being contained...so get rid of all the containers (except the buggy/car seat those ones are non-negotiable!).

He likes to be active and physical so swap playgroup for swimming and softplay.

He doesn't want to sit still so put the shape sorters/jigsaws away and build an assault course from cushions, get a tunnel or a ball bit, get a football, get some push along toys.

Childproof the house to the absolute max.

You'll be able to do some really fun stuff with your little action man that the little Buddha's mum can only dream of!

Thanks all for your replies / words of wisdom, I do really appreciate it! The thing is when he’s good he’s great - he is super smiley and giggly, absolutely loves people and has no separation anxiety whatsoever, loves being the centre of attention and stimulation. It’s just the combination of being so active and also bloody strong willed - if he’s not happy about something he will let us know it!

I should also add he’s always been a big baby (95th percentile +) and so I’ve found carrying him hard, and we also don’t have much family nearby, and neither of those have helped.

I think I just feel guilty because DH and I both come from fairly big families and so had always assumed we wanted multiple children, but the thought of doing this again, with him being a toddler in tow, is absolutely terrifying…

I had a tricky baby severe silent reflux and 20 food allergies. She's nearly 5 and we are only just seeing signs of her outgrowing them and slowly!
The first year was bloody awful, we had 6 months of newborn like reflux at 3 but the rest of the time we have had more joy than tears.
I'm expecting number 2 at the moment, she was 3 before we had the bandwidth to even consider doing it again. She's now a more rounded human. She can be a delight but also stroppy and argumentative. We had a hard time last summer which turned out to be allergy related, we had issues with the chef at her nursery and then we had tried the egg ladder and she became utterly unbearable but returned to our happy little girl once we got on top of her diet and the nursery chef was dismissed

DD was such an incredibly difficult baby. I would watch other parents be able to sit back and relax and just not understand what I was doing wrong.

I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Parenting dd was just hard. It took everything from me to get through it.

Those challenging babies often grow up to be the most remarkable young people. The stubbornness, the inquisitive nature, and the sensitivity, it often ends up translating into a human being who is intelligent with a strong will who is thoughtful about the world around them.

My teenager is fantastic. Her room is a disaster and she looses things constantly, but I couldn’t ask for a better kid. She does well in school. She has goals and is working towards her future. She has friends, but never gets into any trouble. Parenting her still has its own challenges and she isn’t the same as an average teenager girl, but right now I have it so much easier than so many other parents.

hang in there. Don’t worry about what other parents are doing. Do what your child needs you to do to be happy and healthy. That is all that matters.

Don't wish for things to get easier, as I'm not sure they ever do. They just change. Everything is a phase. Mine range from age 2 to 10 and they are all equally lovely and challenging in different ways.

@Superscientist are you saying the chef was putting egg in her food when he knew there were allergies? God, that thought terrifies me (mine has several allergies, including egg).

She has a lot of food allergies and he wasn't checking all of the ingredients. She's dairy and egg free as well as many others and was treating anything labelled as "vegan" or "allergy free" as safe for her. Many of her allergies are not in the top 14 so the ingredients lists of every food have to be checked carefully. It only came to light when she came home saying she had dairy free cheese and crackers for her lunch and I know for a fact there isn't a dairy free cheese she can have.

He hadn't been there long and was suspended the moment he told them what he was doing and was dismissed the following week after an investigation.

My DD was like your son as a baby. She is the most amazingly bright 5yo now. Definitely got much easier from about 18 months and then really better from 2 when she was very good at articulating her needs. Every age has been better than the last

My DD was a very demanding baby (cried a lot, hated every single container, bored of every single toy, not the best sleeper, BIG emotions) but now at 14 months she is so much fun and extremely bright. She is definitely still more sensitive than some of her peers but being able to walk and communicate has been an enormous shift for her. Around 11/12 months is when we started to turn a corner. Anecdotally, a lot of people I know with "trickier" babies have said they turned into smart, relatively easy toddlers as they are actually in some ways clearer at conveying needs and emotions.

It got better after 18 months. I had a baby that was staring you down from the day she was born. She was so alert. Never slept. Always wanted to be held. I was (and still am) amazed by babies that will lie in a pram, in a bouncer, or on a mat, without howling after 30 seconds.

As she became mobile her frustration eased and she’s a very easy going preschooler. She’s more sensitive than most but good at articulating her needs and we’ve breezed through the toddler years.

Generalising, our NCT friends with chilled babies struggled with the toddler years.

had a very similar baby and the only good thing is the toddler stage isn’t as hard because well, everything is easier once you have a difficult baby!