Sleep training??

[thepurgebegins]

What's the difference between sleep training and just trying to get the baby to sleep alone in their cot? I thought if you dont sleep train it means you co sleep, but obviously, that's not the case. We had to co sleep with our 1st through no choice of our own due to moving, renovations etc he still depends on us and we are just enjoying it until he can communicate then we'll try move him to his own room hes 2.5. It can be frustrating, though, as he depends on sleeping on our arm. My second is 5 weeks. He sleeps well now after a feed and sometimes uses a dummy, but I know that could change soon. Im only asking this now because people say to sleep train at 3 months, and others say wait until 6 months to see how they are. By sleep train, I mean the shushing and patting methods. I do not agree with ferber/ cry it out a single bit. I didnt have a child to let them cry it out.. I have a lot to say about it but will keep hush. If anyone can give their experiences as to what they do at night currently with their babas who are 3m +. I would appreciate it just so I can come back for tips. I also understand routine is key but I feel like im starting new since I want to do it differently this time. Currently he sleeps in moses basket in day and cot at night. Also if it ends up with co sleeping alot later on then so be it but i want to avoid and definitely not get him used to any arms! Thankyou!

Until 4 months when their sleep cycle matures there's not much you can do routine and sleep training wise.

Ferber can actually be better because a baby would be incredibly confused why you're next to them but not picking them up.

Even gentle methods you describe involve crying.

Whatever you choose be consistent.

Sleep training works well for some babies, not others.

Also, my brother needed my mum's hand on his face to sleep until he was 7 😂 she didn't do anything differently with him, it's how he was

Sleep training is any method where you purposefully ignore your baby when they are signalling for you i.e. crying for you at night. This can be for a specific length of time or indefinitely. I am not personally keen on sleep training at any age and never did with my now 2-year-old (also never did any long term bed sharing with her as I don't particularly like it).

It is very common for sleep to get worse at 4 months as this is when babies' sleep architecture naturally changes. You can't prevent this in any way and just need to make sure you have a solid routine in place, have created a comfortable and appropriate sleep environment and manage as best you can.

Sleep training is basically a behavioural approach to stop the child signalling particular needs... it doesn't actually train sleep and it isn't evidence based.

When I was studying Neuroscience and child development this is basically what sleep training came down to: an outdated and a non evidence based approach.

The thing is when it comes to baby sleep we've been fed a lot of misinformation. Sleep is developmental and can't actually be trained, is it sometimes an inconvenience? Yes of course, however I do believe if society didn't lie to parents about what biologically normal infant sleep actually looks like it would give parents more realistic expectations.

If you are on Facebook please do join the group The Beyond Sleep Training Project, it's a great community that offers evidence based support and advice, and no sleep training being pushed on you.

There's loads of gentle ways to try to get better sleep, however, at this very young age and even beyond it's very normal for them to need us.

There's some great resources regarding biologically normal infant sleep and behaviour such as Sarah Ockwell-Smith, Nurture Neuroscience - DR Greer.

Sleep training is teaching your baby to put themself to sleep.
I used a controlled crying method at 7 months. Popped in every 3 minutes to reassure and he fell asleep and has slept independently since.
I have friends that have used patting and face stroking, personally this would have been like a red flag to a bull for my baby as he would have wanted to be picked up and me not doing that would have frustrated him. I have a friend that’s baby has slept through from 5 months with no intervention from her and another friend who still shares a bed with her 11 year old - every family and baby are different!

You can't "sleep train" a 5 week old, and tbh I think sleep training is pretty awful full stop no matter the age. Whether that is controlled crying or CIO, it's bad for their brains.

Cosleeping is not necessarily a synonym for bedsharing btw. Quite often people use a sidecar crib or a crib in the bedroom. The lullaby trust states it is safer to keep babies in the room with their parents until at least 6 months (12 months optimal) to reduce SIDS.

I did not purposely get my baby into a routine, he settled into one naturally around 6 months, but he still (at 15 months) needs help to get to sleep - dark room, bath beforehand, reading a book and lots of cuddles. This is very very normal for an infant, I think society is so hung up on routines and forcing babies to sleep, this is a short time in their lives

It is a bit crap, tiring, seemingly relentless but (as you know) it does get better.

Hope you work it out! Sending love.

That's a very emotionally charged description of sleep training @angelpie33 .

We sleep trained our son as he was taking over an hour to fall asleep. Cosleeping, rocking, holding, absolutely nothing was working, we were overstimulating him loads. We decided to do Ferber i.e. put him down and check in on him every few minutes. He cried in total for 20 minutes. The next 2 nights for 2 minutes, I didn't even get to go in to check on him first. The fourth night I put him down and he cood and babbled and rolled over and went to sleep. Same for naps. I put him down, there was some crying on day 1.

But even to this day, he sometimes wakes in the middle of the night, looks at the monitor, does some rolls, gets up, sits back down, babbles a bit and goes back to sleep.

Sometimes he cries and I go in right away as I know that he now only cries because something is wrong/ he wants a boob.

I myself need complete silence and darkness to fall asleep so I guess he might be the same.

Every baby really is different. You may think 20 minutes of crying is a lot but he was much happier after that. But I do know many babies' personality would not lend itself well to this. If my baby had been happy cosleeping, I'd be doing that still.

And in real life, most of my friends have done some kind of sleep training. Many people cannot cope with 60 minutes of sleep at a time for 12 months +

See Emily Oster for a review of the data on different types of sleep training that suggests it does have benefits, and few harms.

My youngest is 5 months. He just has a bottle then goes down for the night. I used to wake him up at 10 for one last feed, but he was falling asleep around 8ish and then I was struggling to wake him as he wanted to just sleep, so we’ve had to adjust his feeds so that his last one is at around 8 now