I have two children, 10 and 8. Neither enjoy going to their dad’s but I make them because of course it’s what you have to do. But tonight 10yo DS told me he sometimes feels suicidal at his dad’s. He says maybe twice since Christmas, in terms of regularity. He once crept downstairs to get a knife from the kitchen but dad saw him so he pretended he was doing something else and went back to bed. He was tearing up telling me this and clearly meant it. His dad is an angry, shouty man. Has a temper and throws things. Shouts a lot. Sometimes used to grab me and shake me etc. I know he is abusive but have been told by legal professionals before that that is not enough to limit contact.
i only just found out tonight, DS begged me not to mention to his dad because he will get into trouble. I’ve messaged his teacher to talk to him about it confidentially, contacted a family law firm to see what my options are legally, and I am going to make an appointment with the GP. I also told him he needs to text me every day (he has a brick phone) just letting me know how he is, and text if he feels bad and wants me to call.
The kids have to go to their dads tomorrow, I know I can’t keep them back because it will look uncooperative and could harm any case in court. But I’m worried that the solicitor will tell me we still can’t fight for sole residence. Or that I’ll be able to keep my 10yo back but not my 8yo (9 next month) and she will end up bearing his anger alone instead.
We previously had an incident where my DS told me his dad threw something at him/near him, it didn’t hit him but it would have been scary. He told the teacher at school and they called a meeting with his dad, who proceeded to tell DS off and was really angry about it. He had no insight into his own behaviours and even when I was with him I asked him to go to anger management and he refused.
Is there anything else I need to do? Do you think this kind of thing is enough that my kids could stay with me, or just go in the daytimes or something? I’m so worried that he is feeling like this. It is not every visit (though he never likes going) but obviously feeling this way at all is not ok. I can’t sleep at all, worried.