Weaning from breastfeeding help

[AMagnaMater]

I have a 12 month old and so far in the day I've managed to wean to 3 breastfeeds and overnight I can't say for certain, it fluctuates a lot.
She only exclusively breastfeed, won't take bottle at all, won't take a dummy/pacifier.
She also feeds to sleep and I am currently trying to break that association, with much much difficulty!

I'm really stuck how to stop breastfeeding in the day, or even in the night. She will not accept any other form of comfort, doesn't ever really cuddle.

I've tried replacing the middle of the day breastfeed with snack and water and then try to get her to nap, then realised I'd have to break the feed to sleep association first to drop it.

But I'm so lost, I don't know how to drop day or night feeds, would it be best to wait until she's a little older or best to just try right now and how would I do that?

Is there a reason you want to stop now?
You don't have to do anything to get her to stop unless you don't want to continue, she will stop in her own time. Equally with feeding to sleep, no need to stop that unless something isn't working. You'll still have to do something to get her to sleep, and personally I find feeding my 16mo DD to sleep far far far easier than it was with non breastfed DS who had to be walked/rocked/cuddled for hours. I will be gutted beyond belief when feeding to sleep stops working and I have to work harder!

My daughter was abit like this. She wouldn’t take a bottle and didn’t like baby food and would happily forgo food and just breastfeed. She did love finger food however, like tiny bit sized sandwiches and things. It was messy but all she would eat.

If you want to stop, then go for it. You’ve done an amazing job feeding for 12 months. The best way is cold turkey and her dad taking over at night.

Yes feeding to sleep doesn't work as she wakes after for a burp and has to be fed back to sleep and is its a viscious cycle. Also as she's fed to sleep she's resistant to everyone else to the extent that she can't be held by anyone else as she throws herself off. Babies can be mighty strong. It'd be nice if she could maybe go sleep without me, I could get a block of time to myself.

I'm also worried about her not having a different way to fall asleep as I want to be done breastfeeding, I'm tired and I'm struggling mentally so think it'll give me a break and allow me to regain myself. She can wake hourly some nights. Even Co sleeping doesn't help me catch up on sleep and less sleep really messes eith my mental health.

Also I know for definite I want to be done breastfeeding when she's around 18 months to 20 months, and she is very resistant to change, so I wanted to find a gradual way if possible. I worry if I don't, I won't be able to stop then, and I'll feel very stuck.

Yeah same even when we started solids she had the same amount if breastfeeds in the day, it was so hard even getting to these 3 at 10 months or 11 months in the day. We still have days where it can end up being more especially as I'm still trying to figure out how to stop her needing to feed to sleep. It's so hard.

No I don't think I can go cold turkey. Firstly the risk of mastitis, blocked ducts I can't take that risk. Its so painful. Then her temperament. She cries herself sick nearly all the time, it's so scary because she sometimes chokes on it too. She is very resistant to change. She won't settle for anyone but me in the night at all weve already tried even with me in a neighbors house.

She won’t be taking so much milk now, at that age, so mastitis is unlikely. Unless of course you are prone to it. Have you had it before?

You seem to be asking for the impossible here, to be honest. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do, other than stop breastfeeding her. She won’t come to any harm and she will learn to settle without the breast.

You either carry on as you are, or you do something different.

Even when stopping one feed the engorgement I get is horrendous. If stopping just like that is the only way then I might hold out for a little longer.