3 year old behaviour

[mamadonx]

I’m looking for some advice from other parents on how to help my 3 year olds behaviour. She has recently started school for 2.5 hours a day in January and since then her behaviour has gotten progressively worse. She is not listening to even simple actions for example - can you pick that up/come here. Even when spoken to nicely I find that she only listening after having to raise my voice even though I ask her at least 6-7 before hand. This then results in her smirking in my face and then the situation escalates and she is sent into time out. This then leads to a massive kick off and high pitch screams for at least 10 minutes. This is a constant battle around every half an hour in our house now and it’s really getting me down. We have tried taking away items such as iPad/bike and she has a warning about her behaviour before these are taken away and still continues to do so. We have also tried reward charts for the last few weeks and this has not worked due to her not caring about getting the stickers and then another kick off after she finds out she cannot have the reward she has chosen. I am really struggling at the moment and any help would be greatly appreciated!

Have you had her hearing tested? Glue ear is quite common in young kids and could explain why she doesn’t listen until you raise your voice. I think a GP visit should be your first port of call and go from there. I wouldn’t be thinking about behaviour management techniques at all until you’re 100% certain it isn’t medical.

Hi yes we’ve had her ears tested back at the start of the year due to other issues and it all came back clear. She looks directly at me when I’m speaking and either laughs or smirks in my face while continuing to ignore me.

You’re going in all guns blazing. She’s 3. You don’t need to be coming in with such harsh consequences for not listening. From 3 years old kids can be terrible for “not listening”. They’re just distracted with all the new things they know and are interested in. Get down to her level and speak directly to her. Help her to do the things you’ve asked. She’s smirking because your reaction is way over the top. You are absolutely causing this to go apocalyptic because of what you’re bringing to the interaction, not her. There’s no need for it to escalate like this.

I don’t think you’ve read the thread tidy or I haven’t worded it tidy. I always speak calm and cool at least 6/7 times before I raise my voice. I get down to her level and try and reason with her and validate how she’s feeling and that does not work. If you have no helpful advice please do not waste your time in posting as your opinion is not wanted.

Every time you speak to your child it's a demand, even if you're just making an interesting comment it's a demand. 3 years olds must have hundreds of demands every hour and most of them are not really familiar yet.
I think with starting childcare that's a whole load more demand and it's just overloaded her completely.
You are focusing on how you are asking and assuming you can keep making demands as long as you use the right process but it doesn't work like that. Yes you can make a demand more expensive by doing it badly, but even if you do everything "right" it can still be impossible for a child at that moment.
I spent a long time revaluating demands and trying to optimise the day accordingly, trying to make them easier for my child, and the key thing, making them less frustrating for me. Because once you lose it, then everything is down the pan as you mention.
Good luck! They're growing up constantly and there's always a new phase to surprise you.

Honestly, this is probably not a popular view on here but I think time outs and confiscating items just ramp up the situation. I’d back off a bit. Three year olds are horrid little beasts to be honest!

Also if you like reading then I can recommend a book Calm Parents, Happy Kids.
There are lots of others too but that might be a good one for you.

I hear you!! I have a 3 year old. They say terrible twos are bad but give me the 2s anyday! I enjoyed them. Since she’s turned 3 she’s how can I put this?? Challenging, power struggle. It’s so difficult! She’s defiant and will scream no at me and I’ve also tried the reward chart which worked for a couple of days but now she’s not bothered and is slightly cocky when she’s not got stickers and will say well I don’t want them.
I’ve tried ignoring bad behaviour which doesn’t work.
Speakinh calmly also doesn’t and time outs don’t either.
all I can think and hope of is this just maybe a phase, let’s pray

Jeez stop with so much of the verbal and giving orders... She’s 3! Hold her hand and guide her where you want her to be, pick her up if she’s in danger, start tidying her toys and make a game of it, help her with her coat and shoes, cuddle, kiss and praise her when she’s doing well etc.

You don’t need to confiscate toys, use a naughty step or give stickers. Just verbalise expectations cheerfully like Mary Poppins, physically guide her and model as much as possible, praise the good, ignore the bad.

3 year olds are challenging - my DD is 3.5 and the listening skills (or ignoring skills!) are top notch. I'm approaching it in the hope she grows out of it - I've picked which bits are non negotiable and the rest I'm trying to relax on. I try to say yes as much as possible so when I say no (or ask her to do something) it matters. I try to remind myself 3 year olds are egotistical (their brains really aren't very developed despite their language sometimes giving another impression) and that if she doesn't want to do something like tidy up after herself, it's probably too much of a battle right now for what's really a small gain.

Toddlers are not for the faint of heart. Try and get as many "fun" moments to balance out the rest 😂

Three year olds are little tyrants.

Time outs, consequences ( having things taken away), and shouting - just don't work. They are fuel to the fire.

My best advice, don't ask several times.
Get her attention first and then ask once, if she doesn't cooperate you can say 'OK daughter, I can see you're having a hard time listening/doing whatever you've asked so I'm going to help you/take that away/ move you' and then you calmly do whatever you've said.

She might then throw a tantrum but you haven't wasted all your willpower on asking her, so you can get through the tantrum without losing your temper - in my experience!

Also agree with pp, pick your boundaries carefully. If you can say yes, then do! Save your energy for when it counts.