5 year old still babyish

[rhrni]

My youngest is 5. She’s loving, kind and v sensitive.

She gets a lot of attention for being sensitive & she plays on this and acts all cute to get extra attention.

She talks in a baby voice all the time. She always needs to be hugged or picked up. She started shouting ‘Mamma, Dadda’ on sports day in front of everyone, and I realised then how different she is to the other kids there. The others aren’t anywhere near as babyish/childish. I know she likes to sit on her teachers lap etc, but actually it’s not really appropriate at that age.

She will be in Year 1 in September and this really needs to be knocked out of her.

I don’t know how to do this without hurting her feelings because she really is sensitive.

I think she knows that everyone warms to her and feels sorry for her when she acts like this, so continues to do so.

Any ideas about where I can begin?

She will be in Year 1 in September and this really needs to be knocked out of her.

This a really weird way to speak about a 5 year old.
Sitting on a teachers lap isn’t particularly abnormal in reception, this will change as the school day becomes more normal in Y1 anyway.
What’s wrong with a 5 year old wanting to be hugged?

Perhaps I haven’t written it in the best way, but what I mean is she is overfamiliar with her cuddles. She snuggles up to the teacher and also up to other random people. We went to a friends house & she didn’t know the Dad. Within minutes of talking to him, she sat on his lap and tried to cuddle up to him. She does it with anyone who thinks she’s remotely cute.

There is nothing wrong with hugging, but she does it constantly to get attention. She knows everyone thinks she’s cute when she does it. It’s not always appropriate for her to sit on random people’s laps. She wants us to hold her all the time and she rocks back and forth on you squealing and saying ‘goo goo ga ga’ etc like a 2 year old. She also asks us to treat her like a baby. She constantly asks her older sister to treat her like a baby and wrap her up in blankets and look after her etc.

I’m not just randomly writing a post for nothing. Her behaviour is very much like she’s a 3 year old and it does need addressing.

I don’t notice how baby like she is until we’re with other children and it’s very noticeable that she’s baby like. I know that it’s an act because it gets attention.

Why do you think she wants extra attention? Is something happening in her life that makes her feel she is not getting enough attention?

@MonGrainDeSel This is what I’ve been trying to work out, but in all honesty she gets so much attention.

She was a very needy baby, who cried a lot. I recall carrying her for a year straight. I feel bad saying this, but my eldest received far less attention because youngest was so incredibly needy.

She receives constant attention from family members, particularly when she’s baby like. Grandma loves it when she acts like a baby because she thinks it’s cute. Everyone encourages the behaviour really.

I don’t think she lacks attention in any area tbh. She doesn’t like it much if others get attention. She doesn’t cry over it, but if Sister hurts her leg then all of a sudden she will say she’s hurt her leg, or needs a plaster etc.

But I definitely don’t think she’s lacking attention. She definitely gets way more than everyone else.

I don't think this is concerning in any way OP, but I agree that it's probably a good idea to try and ease her out of being too OTT with it before classmates start to notice. I'd just big up the 'wow what a big girl' stuff. Say you don't understand her when she does baby talk. And of course talk to her about who she can and can't hug. But I wouldn't worry about the playing babies with her sisters. You could suggest it's her older sisters' turn to be the baby, so it's just another role playing game and it's not always 'her' role to be the baby.

@MauraLabingiThank you for the ideas, and perhaps I am worrying too much over it.

If we praise her for being a big girl etc, she will get upset and say she doesn’t want to grow up and how she wants to stay a baby forever etc.

I will definitely start saying I don’t understand when she talks like a baby etc and discuss the hugging with people she’s not familiar with.

Thank you

The idea that you would ’knock it out of her’ sounds awful.
Just praise and reinforce all behaviour that isn’t that all summer. Ignore it completely when she is being artfully cute rather than genuine.
Talk about personal space for the lap sitting thing. She should ask rather than just sitting on people.

Do you think being pregnant is playing into this, on your side too?
Many of these things are very typical behaviours from young children. Your reaction is quite strong.

If we praise her for being a big girl etc, she will get upset and say she doesn’t want to grow up and how she wants to stay a baby forever etc.

Ah... Maybe she feels that being the baby is her role in the family? She doesn't want to relinquish it because then she won't have a place? I'm just guessing obviously!
You could try carving her out a new niche or 'job'? The helpful one/brave one/good at working stuff out? Some way she can have a sort of role that 'helps' the family, a role nobody else has.
I am not an expert in these things at all.

You make her sound conniving in a way that isn't possible at such an age. She's doing it for attention, she knows everyone feels sorry for her so she acts cute on purpose...

It sounds so cold and horrible..
She's only five!

I wouldn’t worry too much. She’s 5, and she will grow out of this naturally with time, especially as she observes and adapts to her peers. No need to “knock it out of her” — just gently guide and support her. (I have a 5 year old daughter too btw)

My 5 year old is like this. I never once thought it needs knocking out of her. She is loving and very affectionate and I'm sure she won't be like this forever

That would get on my nerves too, and I'd be getting a bit concerned about how manipulative it is (and I'd have a horror of her turning into one of those simpering girls/women that get their own way all the time by acting cutesy around men). I think you are right to get her out of these habits

Can she express why she wants to stay a baby? Is it just the attention or is she afraid of something about growing up?

You can't really control other people's reactions but at home there needs to be zero attention paid to the baby talk and behaviour. Then good positive attention to appropriate behaviour (without necessarily pointing out the 'big girl' element she's avoiding.
Eg baby talk 'wanna icecweam' ignore and no ice cream
Normal 'can I have an ice cream please' = say you asked for that very politely, and give ice-cream.

We went to a friends house & she didn’t know the Dad. Within minutes of talking to him, she sat on his lap and tried to cuddle up to him. She does it with anyone who thinks she’s remotely cute

Now the time to start teaching boundaries.
You tell her to stop of course, never mind that she is 'sensitive'
You say ' no, stop. You mustn't do that' and keep reminding her everytime she approaches some one outside the fa.ily for a cuddle. Why you haven't done this already i dont know.
When she talks in a baby voice, you tell her o ce to speak properly and if she carries on you tell her she will be ignored until she speaks properly.

She doesn’t cry over it, but if Sister hurts her leg then all of a sudden she will say she’s hurt her leg, or needs a plaster etc
You say ' no, you are absolutely fine, we need to help.........( whatever sisters name is)

You need to be having a word with the rest of the family that you want them to talk to her normally and stop with the cuteness overload. Tell them that you are worried others will pick on her and mock her at school for being a baby.

Can you think of a regular "important job" you could make hers, that she would want to do and can’t be done by babies? E.g. feeding a pet.

My 6 year old, in Year 1, is still very much a baby.

She is generally quite immature compared to her friends, and is babied by her peers as she is small and very sweet.

The teachers aren't bothered, and she is getting on well academically.

I agree with the others that this isn't particularly concerning, the only thing that would bother me is the hugging near strangers so I think you can talk about that and begin to emphasise personal space, what things we keep for our families etc.

I taught Early Years for a long time and children wanting to sit on knees/ have cuddles well into Reception was not at all unusual. Even into Year 1 actually - I'd trust school to know what is appropriate and to be putting the boundaries in place there.

My daughter is 5 this summer. She still likes the idea of being a baby sometimes too. She likes me to pretend she's a baby, rock her etc sometimes and I'm happy to, I frame it as play though - so she's still getting the contact/ cuddles and attention but I do it in an exaggerated way all 'ahhhhh my little baby, oooh look at this little baby, she can't even walk, she needs her mama, ahhhhh shush little baby' etc etc. In a playful way, and when we're done I say 'ooh look now here's my lovely big girl, even better I missed my big 4 year old'.

If anything her wanting that baby stuff has actually increased as she's approached 5, I remember if I was singing at bedtime when she was around 2 I had to change all the words to being 'big girl' - 'hush little big girl don't you cry ...' because she took mortal offense to being called a baby. Now she likes me to tell her she'll always be my baby. I do think this half of the Reception year things really start to ramp up, there's lots of changes coming and they are aware of it.

I agree with a PP that if she's internalised the idea from somewhere that her role is to be the cute little baby of the family then perhaps she's clinging to that and doesn't want to give it up. I'd try making sure you have some dedicated time with her each day, absolutely love bomb her and go with the baby thing if that's what she wants. But when that time is over it's all, 'right now mummy needs a really big helper to set the table for dinner, I've noticed how good you've got at that now, you're really learning so much and getting so independent, I'm proud of you! Let's go give it a go' etc etc.

I’d speak to her teacher in y1 (or meet with the rec teacher ank them to hand it over) and ask her to kindly but firmly refuse lap cuddles unless there is a particular issue (like she’s fallen in the playground etc). Let the teacher know you support this, but understand she’s very tactile and might find it hard so it would need to be done gently and not in a shaming way. When she’s used to it at school you can encourage that at home and say ‘you don’t cuddle Mrs C, so we don’t cuddle X’s mammy either’. Cuddles are for mammy and daddy. Maybe show her a ‘big girl hug ’ that doesn’t involve rocking (baby cuddles), but is really squeezy so she feels the love.

If we praise her for being a big girl etc, she will get upset and say she doesn’t want to grow up and how she wants to stay a baby forever etc.

This is really normal IMO. My daughter was like this, hated me going anywhere, never wanted to leave my side. She is now 18 and I have barely seen her since she finished exams because she is constantly out with friends.

I agree that the only concerning thing is the over-familiarity with people she doesn't know and you probably need to work on that. Teachers probably fine and they will have their own ways of dealing with it, but not the dad of a friend who she doesn't know.

She will be in Year 1 in September and this really needs to be knocked out of her. - as others have pointed out this is out of order.

Ignore it - seriously - the more attention you draw to it the more she will do it and you will get nowhere. Do not comment when she talks in a baby voice. Answer if you can understand it, but otherwise ignore.

Pay her attention when she is not doing the baby behaviour.

It will pass, but you need to make sure that it does not become a big thing in the house or anywhere else.

Thanks for all of the advice.
I can see that I’m perhaps overreacting and worrying over nothing (apart from the overfamiliarity with people).

My eldest was always ahead of her years and very mature, even from a young age so perhaps the difference is far more noticeable to me.

Thanks all

Role play games with siblings or friends are normal. I wouldn’t have an issue with her playing babies. But outside of playing the game I wouldn’t respond to requests said in baby talk- there would be one reminder to use her big girl words and then I would simply ignore. Hugging men she barely knows- I’d be really firm about boundaries and personal space, I used to tell mine not to be space invaders, but if she tries to do it anyway then you need to be really firm that she needs to stop it and remove her from the situation if necessary.

She will be in Year 1 in September and this really needs to be knocked out of her. - as others have pointed out this is out of order
I took this as a turn of phrase, nothing to get het up about.

I can see that I’m perhaps overreacting and worrying over nothing (apart from the overfamiliarity with people).

I dont think you are over reacting actually.
If youve noticed it, you can bet others have as well. I wouldnt want other kids at school mocking her.

The whole family needs to be on board with this, grandparents included. It sounds like she has been babied way more than her sister.
Encourage games and role play where she has to act a more grown up role (teachers, hospitals, vets etc).
Get her helping you around the house.
Hugs are fine, but to the rocking and baby noises
Don't engage in conversation if she isn't using proper words.
There are only a couple of weeks of Reception left and I doubt any Year 1 teacher will be letting her sit on their laps. Perhaps get rid of this at home too. Say come and sit next to me and we can read this together.
Encourage and praise grown up behaviour.
Encourage your older child to play more age appropriate games with her (hairdressers, lego, sporty things etc) rather than babies.
Do you have any pets? Get her taking responsibility for them (helping her care for something smaller and more vulnerable than her)

I think you can encourage more appropriate behaviour without harm to her, op.

As someone else said: boundaries.

First, you and family members need to stop encouraging the baby-like behaviour.

For example:
If she starts "ga ga goo goo" the appropriate response is "no don't be silly. We can have cuddles but we're not going to be silly".

Put her down if she persists, sit her next to you, you can even keep a comforting hand on her arm or knee, but direct your attention elsewhere.

She also needs to be told that she can't go running up and climbing into every man's lap each time.

There are healthy ways to reinforce appropriate behaviour, by calmly redirecting her attention to other things, or your attention when she plays up. You teach her that she can have as many cuddles as she likes, but without inappropriate behaviour.

Let her know that you can identify the put-upon behaviour. So if her sibling hurts her leg and then she pretends likewise, the response is a "oh dear" and give it a quick rub better. You want to adopt a calm-but-no-nonsense attitude.

If she starts with the big eyes and bottom lip because she wants something, tell her "you can have xyz but only if you ask properly" to cue her to say "please may I have xyz".

If she can't have what she wants then it's a simple explanation as to why.

You can do all this while keeping her feeling secure because you don't withhold hugs & affection, you simply guide her to the appropriate ways of seeking attention.