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Mammoth 4 year old tantrums at pick up

8 replies

Darahstar · 23/06/2025 17:23

My DD is usually a sweet well tempered loving and kind little girl. She behaves wonderfully for everyone except me. I feel like an utter failure. We go to a nursery where she’s been since the age of 2 and will be starting reception at the same school in September. Every time I pick her up there’s usually some battle of wills, I want to stay and play, or I want to walk on the wall, today she wanted to lie on the floor in the car park. She knows boundaries but always tries to get just a little bit extra. Today after getting her off the car park floor she threw a stone at me. My instinct was to of course shout no in the moment, which of course caused a meltdown refusal to get in the car, but also not allowing me to put her in the car. Shouts for daddy, the full works. I was so embarrassed. But worse still then there’s other class mates coming over to offer her chocolate, I don’t want her having chocolate that’s not going to help! How on earth do you help your child through a tantrum over something like this and manage to politely decline other people’s interference when you’re dealing with it? I feel like the only parent who has this, the other little darlings walk lovely to their car with their mummies and behave, mine rebels and resists. She is perfect fly well behaved at pick up for my husband who picks up once a week, if my mother and or his mother pick up no problem but for me, awful. I really do think that perhaps I’m just a rubbish mum. I feel like all my time with her is spent asking her to stop doing something dangerous, dealing with her doing something dangerous or dealing with the aftermath of her falling over usually because she did something dangerous. I can trust her in a carkpark without holding my hand because she runs off thinking it’s a game. I’m tired, totally worn down and really fed up. DD has fallen asleep in the car on the way home of course she was tired and hungry. The first thing I give her when we get in the car is a sandwich to eat before we get home and have dinner. I’ve tried bringing favourite toys to the gate, has a small soothing effect. Today I got stuck in traffic so was there exactly on pickup, I called ahead to say I wouldn’t be early. I feel like I get the brunt of her anger and she’s lovely to everyone else.

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/06/2025 17:32

She's over tired and hungry and can't manage her emotions yet,that's all there is to it, she'll grow out of it. Do you have to hurry away? I used to hang around so ds could play a bit then he could clearly see everyone else was leaving.

Darahstar · 23/06/2025 17:36

Thank you, it was probably just a bad day, it’s not normally as bad as this, today everyone had left so there wasn’t anyone to hang out with, all the others were in their cars. Usually we do let them have a run about together before we get in our cars. It feels like a mission to get her into the car sometimes.

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/06/2025 17:42

Can you meet her with a snack in your bag? Harder to tantrum while eating a box of raisins or whatever but does just sound like she was particularly over tired today and nothing you could've done would've helped.

My ds was very ...strong willed!! I remember it well 😂

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SJM1988 · 23/06/2025 17:45

The best advice i was given was you will bare the brunt of the bsd behaviour as you are her safe space. She knows no matter how she expresses yourself you will still be there for her.

Its hard but i remind myself of this every time we have a bad day. It helps me refocus on my dd and understand im not a bad mum but actually I'm a really good mum if my child feels comfortable to express herself even in bad ways around me

Darahstar · 23/06/2025 17:45

Yeah I usually am better prepared, I ran from the car to get her, didn’t have the snack in my hands or toy! She tantrumed for a good very loud screaming 15 minutes before calming down and then getting into her seat. Gosh the strong willed ones break us don’t they?

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Darahstar · 23/06/2025 17:50

Thanks SJM1988 I’ll try to remember that. Someone said that to me when she was about 18 months and just seemed to start giving me all her fury it is hard isn’t it? I guess she holds it together all day being good at nursery, it’s got to go somewhere. To be fair a while back when I was really upset that she kept saying “I want daddy!” My husband revealed she shouts “I just want mummy” when I’m not there.

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flibbertigibbetty · 23/06/2025 17:52

Overtiredness and hunger. Big cuddle, lots of attention and a nice snack as soon as you see her would help avoid all of this.

flibbertigibbetty · 23/06/2025 17:54

But also, don’t sweat it or be embarrassed, it happens and maybe something happened to upset her at school.

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