3.5 yo bedtime routine

[MKWarrier]

Looking for some advice and tips for how to make bedtime with our 3.5 year old a bit easier.

We had no real issues with bedtime until shortly before dd turned 3. We had a good routine and could leave her in her cot and after a little bit of singing or chatting to herself she’s go to sleep.

When we switched her to her toddler bed, DH started holding her hand until she was asleep to stop her getting out of bed. At some point this transitioned to me doing it. Other than the fact that she wasn’t going to sleep independently anymore we didn’t really mind as it was quite nice and relaxing. However, in April we got rid of her dummy and it started taking her a lot longer to get to sleep - annoying that it cut into our evening, but probably an inevitable result of getting rid of the dummy. Now, though, she has started resisting bedtime altogether: she refuses to stay in bed even if we are there to hold her hand, wants to play, insists she’s not tired etc. All typical toddler stuff but it always seems to end up in a meltdown, all of us stressed and her up really late. We’ve tried experimenting a bit this week with giving her a bit more independence and listening to her Tonie box as she goes to sleep but it hasn’t really worked.

Can anyone with a child of a similar age share what works for them? Hoping for some ideas we can implement to get a new routine that works and means she goes to sleep at a sensible hour, ideally without lots of drama! Thanks in advance!

My DC who is a similar age started resisting bedtime a lot more recently, they used to be really good - so that may have happened for you even if you hadn't got rid of the dummy...

I've had success with a sticker chart where they get a sticker once they're in bed if they were good - you could give another one in the morning if she goes to sleep nicely without you? I find that bribery is my main parenting technique 😂

Didnt want to read and run but just wanted to say your DD sounds so similar to mine. It took her a while to get used to getting to sleep once transitioning to the big girl bed but we found helping her decorate her room to make it more of a big girls room (rather than baby room with the cot gone). We found that after a while she enjoyed going to bed in her big girl room and was really proud of herself - constant praise about how proud we are of her etc helped too and every now and then a treat for sleeping so well in her big girl bed.

We also got rid of the dummy at Easter and she took so long to get to sleep for quite a few weeks. I considered getting a sound machine to help her and to distract but she got the hang of it after a while. Your DD will get there, just needs a bit more time. I feel you though when it eats into your grown up time.

We had these issues a bit earlier than 3.5 as we needed to wean off staying in the room until DS1 was asleep - he was taking longer and longer to go to sleep and messing around etc. What we did was have a talk at a non-pressured time that wasn't bedtime. Basically about how bedtime wasn't working at the moment and it wasn't good to have us stay in the room, because everyone was getting cross and sad, and it was taking too long to get to sleep so he was tired. Then we agreed on what we would do instead, which was: bath, into bed for three stories, stroke his back exactly 20 times (instead of 'until he fell asleep', which is what it had been), then say goodnight and parent leaves room. On leaving the room, we would say how many times we could come back in (I think I went straight for 'I can only come back in one time' then get him to confirm how many times I'd said), then if he called us back we'd say 'I can't come back in any more times after this'. Then we had to stick to it. He cried a bit at first, but he knew exactly what was happening at bedtime and why, and once we were in the new routine he was much happier.

The routine has changed a bit as time has gone on, but we've always stuck to only three stories and if he tries to pick another one we get him to decide which one to put back.

I haven't got any this age now but i have had 5. we went and got a special bed time teddy which the child chose. Bedtime was teeth, a story, wee, tucked in, say goodnight and its now time for sleep 'insert new night teddies name' needs his/her sleeps.

It's been a while (mine are 16 and 13 now), but I remember that 'checking' worked really well for us. You do your routine, say goodnight and leave saying you'll be back to check in x minutes, but only if she stays in her bed. Then you gradually make the gaps between the checking longer and they eventually fall asleep. It's a way to get her back to falling asleep alone and is less disruptive to you and your partner (although still a pain!). Eventually you'll do it less and less and then not at all. Also Jodi Mindell''s book 'Sleeping through the night' is amazing for many different stages of sleep issues. I still have my copy and will not let it leave the house :-)

Ah yes, I always say I will check on him when I have walked the dog.

A really random thing that used to work for us was the “bedtime alarm”. We used to set the timer in the kitchen (he’s 20 now so we were a bit old school) for the time we wanted him to get ready for bed. It seemed to work because it was a third party telling him it was bedtime and not Mummy or Daddy. The alarm would go off and we’d have to go upstairs and get ready for bed. Sometimes we’d also set a “sleep time” one as well for 20 minutes later.

I think somehow it detaches their brain from it being Mummy & Daddy not wanting to be with them anymore to, Mummy and Daddy have to listen to the alarm too.

It might work, it might not, but it can’t hurt to try.

We also did the checking method mentioned above. Started on “I’ll come back in 1 minute to give you a kiss if you’re still in bed” and gradually lengthen the time.

I'm probably going to get alot of hate for this but..... There appears to ALOT of what I and my friends call namby pamby parents on here. Oh we do stories and cuddles and back rubs and cartwheels and handstands.. FFS put all the toys out of her reach, shut the door and let her scream till she falls asleep on the floor or where ever then just lift her in to bed once she's asleep, and if she opens the door tell her that everytime she opens the door one of toys is going in the bin (and then actually follow through).

Yeah, I think we're going for a more relaxing, restful evening for everyone, not an actual screamfest.

We found that letting ours look at books and play quietly with teddies in bed stopped a lot of arguments. 'But I'm not tired!' is just met with 'Okay, here's some books or you can play with your teddy' – and generally they're asleep 5-10 minutes later. Winding down for sleep by looking at book is hardly a bad habit to be developing.

Thank you so much for the replies. We have been trying elements from these for the last couple of nights and although she is still going to sleep very late and we are still holding her hand, bedtime has at least been calmer! Next thing is to stop the hand holding - might try to do this over the weekend so if she goes to bed really late at least she doesn’t have to be up for nursery the next day. Thanks again, everyone!

😂😂😂

Yes, very good.

OP my son is the same age and his bedtime routine is brush teeth followed by 15 minutes in bed looking at books by himself (this is just something he enjoys doing), then one of us will read one or two books with him before a cuddle and saying “goodnight.”
He likes to fall asleep with a story playing on his Yoto.

@Yourethebeerthief thank you for this - my daughter also loves looking at books so this might work well for her. Is he able to go to sleep with the Yoto playing? We have tried this with dd but she gets too caught up in the stories (even though she’s heard them a million times before!) and finds it difficult to drift off. We may just need to persevere until she gets used to it though.

Yes he’s fast asleep within 10 minutes of a card playing most nights. But if he ever takes longer we don’t mind, as long as he’s in his bed he can listen to a story for as long as it takes him to drift off. I do recommend ladybird sleepy stories (or it might me called sleepy tales I’m not sure) it’s very boring and hypnotic and lulls them to sleep

Mine mostly have music on the yoto player if they're using it to actually fall asleep to, but they sometimes like one of the bedtime meditations by Christiane Kerr, very gentle and soothing.

Has it got worse with the lighter nights?
My daughter is quite sensitive to daylight at 10 months her bedtime switched from 9 until 11!
She's nearly 5 now and as soon as we start to get lighter nights her blind and curtains have to be drawn before we head upstairs so her bedroom is dark from the start. There was one year where we had to draw the curtains down stairs about half an hour before we went up to bed to fake a sunset.