Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

I’ve neglected my toddler by having another baby and I don’t know if the impact can be reversed 😢

26 replies

Serendipity84 · 22/06/2025 19:46

We planned baby two soon after my first and there 19 months between them. My first had birth injuries and we both struggled those first couple of months. He had been delayed with milestones but seem to have caught up by his 9 month check. Second baby seemed possible, my mum lived round the corner and was going to be around to help every day. Fast forward to have baby 2 via c section my mum got diagnosed with cancer in her first week then a family member very close to me and same age died in horrific circumstances. I really struggled again with my mental health and my support wasn’t there when my husband was working.

I feel like for 6 months I was trapped with so much anger and sadness that I switched off and met basic needs. My toddler got loads of tv time and it became just his day to day. I struggled to get out with both of them without support and with it being winter I felt very limited.

I’ve gone back to work and got a bit more focus. Mum got the all clear, baby is more manageable but now I am see that he isn’t speaking anymore and less responsive. I don’t know if I have damaged his brain with all the days of screen time 😢

Ive took it all away now and when im there its interact interact interact. Ive also paid privately for surgery to have his tongue divided as he had a severe tongue tie. I am trying everything. He’s enrolled at nursery 2 days a week and I am waiting another month before paying for a speech therapist.

I don’t know what else I can do. I feel so guilty everytime I look at him and the last 6 months.

i guess I’m trying to find someone that has similar experiences.

TIA

OP posts:
Twatalert · 23/06/2025 14:32

ladycarlotta · 22/06/2025 22:55

She's so clearly aware of his emotional needs and attachment. No, it's not ideal. I don't think anyone's saying his emotional development doesn't matter. But while this time is formative, the bar for permanent damage to attachment style is actually pretty high. Consistent meeting of basic needs, even at a delay, even if the hit rate isn't even close to 100%, counts for a lot in child development. And you are discounting the first 18 months of his life when he was an only child and a secure attachment will have been established. A new sibling is not going to totally erode that foundation.

Obviously we can't see inside the OP's house and if he was regularly crying himself hoarse all alone then that's pretty awful. But if he had a loving parent who kept the day ticking over, albeit not very interestingly, his attachment is perfectly likely to be secure. I think it's very cruel of you to suggest otherwise.

It wasn't meant cruel in any way, but I'd rather seem cruel to an adult than to a child like so many here who just want to say to OP not to worry and totally dismiss how the child might have felt.

I know very well what happens if a mother cannot mirror the child and cannot form secure attachment. that's why I said what I said. OP can see what resonates with her. I replied for the child. Not the OP.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread