Going from 0 to 1 VS Going from 1 to 2 - tell me your experiences

[gollyimholly]

I am expecting my second baby in January and will have an almost 3 year old by then. Although DH and I didn't plan it, we are happy there will be a new addition to the family. We're both feeling a bit nervous though because with DC1 I did have some postpartum anxiety and DD was also quite unwell in her first year. I've read differing views on going from 0 to 1 being harder/easier than going from 1 to 2.

If you have 2 (or more!) children, which transition did you find easier/harder? And what were age differences between your children?

For me, I am already finding I am far less stressed in this pregnancy compared to first time round. Part of it is because I spend most of my days chasing my 2 year old and don't have the time to ruminate with my thoughts. I feel like my biggest worry is how DD will adjust to no longer being the centre of everyone's attention and I'm trying to ensure it is a smooth a transition for DD as possible.

I mean, I don’t think anyone finds 2 DC easier than 1, especially in the newborn/toddler days.

A bit like a theme of another thread running at the moment. It think the degree of change largely depends what kind of DC your produce. For me, DC1 was extremely challenging as a baby, where as DC2 was very easy. I therefore found the change from 0 to 1 much much harder than 1 to 2. There wasn’t too much of a change for 2 for us really.

But if you have an extremely easy time of it first time round then you are blessed with a high crying, none sleeping, potentially poorly second, you are going to find 1-2 harder, I should imagine.

Going from one child to two was SO SO much easier and less stressful than going from no babies to your first baby.

I have a 3yr gap between my two children and the first 4 months were a little challenging with my eldest son being jealous of the baby, but overall it was a much nicer experience than becoming a first time parent.

I always say- “buy a sling and lower your standards”. It is hard, of course it is, but it’s so worth it and seeing the joy my two have in each other and what they get up to now as 7 and 9 year olds- I just love it.
I was mostly worried about how the elder one would adapt, but they were absolutely fine. They rapidly can’t remember life without them in tow. I think number 2 slept better because I’d just put them down for a nap and then crack on with something with DC1- they didn’t really have a choice!

0-1 was SO HARD. Your whole life changes and it’s anxiety inducing etc. had my second when my eldest was 3.5 and honestly it’s been so much easier going 1-2. Being a parent is already hard so I didn’t feel like it added much more difficulty and DC2 has slotted in beautifully.

I would say that DC1 was a very difficult baby and still has big feelings vs DC2 who is very calm and ‘easy’ - temperament has definitely made an impact!

I was very concerned about how DD1 would take it but she LOVES being a big sister, they have such a fab relationship. She went through a bit of a potty training regression for a few weeks when the baby arrived and then went through a stage of asking me to put the baby back in my tummy ‘for a while’ but both were temporary and she is so proud to be a big sister and really takes care of the little one.

good luck. It’ll be amazing!

0-1 was the hardest by far. DC1 has SEN though and it was clear from birth that he wasn't functioning. DC2 has been a breeze, she just slotted straight in, and she's 3 now.

I found 1 to 2 so much harder. My first was a dream of a unicorn baby (got me back by being a horrible toddler but that’s another story). My second was really difficult and I also had to physically recover whilst also having a (difficult) toddler.

Both I found fine. Transition from 1 baby and 1 toddler to 2 toddlers was hell though.

I'm not sure you can really compare, it's a totally different kind of transition. 0-1 is a complete life overhaul in the way that 1-2 isn't. But 1-2 comes with its own challenges. I wasn't really prepared for the sadness and guilt I felt with the transition to 2. My first was at peak cute age (to me anyway - just turning 2) and I so missed having her all to myself and was so guilty that she had to share me. Obviously now I love having two but that was a big adjustment.

Basically I think when you have one, having one child is really hard work. Then when you have two children, having just one seems like a holiday!

I have a 5 year gap and I can honestly say 1-2 has been a dream. I'm less stressed and anxious, ds1 is old enough to be able to occupy himself if ds2 needs me for something and understands if I cant do something straight away.

Although I'm also lucky that both my children are very chilled and easy going!

0-1 - easy so so easy 4 hands on one baby, lots of family time.

1-2 oh wow. This was a huge change for us, we had a very set routine and adding a baby into schools runs and after school activities was challenging. Now LO is 3 and it’s much smoother.

jump in and enjoy it. Remember nothing lasts forever, what is challenging now won’t be in a few months.

0-1 hell on earth, 1-2 mangeable. I think it was less about baby and more about my state of mind feeling more prepared with our second. I’m also a ruminator and worrier, so knowing what might be ahead really helped. I did struggle with being apart from our toddler though, and in hindsight not sure if I would have breastfed our second for so long.

i think 1-2 is definitely harder on dads. Naturally mums will pick up the lion’s share with baby no. 1, with no. 2 there is no way this can happen and both parents have to get stuck in 50/50. So for some dads this can be the hardest transition