Decision time: 2nd baby

[Babybabybabybabybabybaby]

My son is 20 months old & I'm struggling to bite the bullet on trying for a second baby but time is not on my side/has run out! I had my baby at 40 and am now 42. I was in hospital for most of my third trimester and had a 30 week old premie so experienced alot of trauma from pregnancy/post-partum but I'm out the other side now but that's quite recent. My consultant is positive about trying for another (final!) pregnancy & luckily we conceived on the first try last time but I'm struggling with opting to put myself through it all again when there are no guarantees- I saw so many difficult cases/outcomes in hospital and worry about my age and history. Also struggling to move past the usual worries of a second child with 2 stressful jobs etc. At the same time I'm finding it really hard to just let it go and move on. Did anyone else experience similar and go for it...or not?

It’s a family choice but I would think if you had to spend your third trimester in hospital again how would you feel about leaving your DC 20 months … I couldn’t

I had some counselling to help decide when we thinking of TTC. We had a difficult time in pregnancy with hyperemesis and afterwards with me having pnd and my daughter having silent reflux and multiple food allergies.
We decided to go for it as we decided we were different and we would hopefully manage better.
We made the decision to try in April last year and am on my third pregnancy in that time as I had 2 losses last year. I'm now 25 weeks due in September.

This would be an easy decision for me personally and it would be a no. I wouldn’t take the risk of having to spend months in hospital away from such a young child, how would you as a family handle that if you were hospitalised and your husband had to juggle the childcare/work etc, how would such a young child cope with that, I personally wouldn’t risk it. And on top of that at 42 the chances of having a child with additional needs are much higher than I personally would be comfortable with, particularly when you already have a young child & two busy jobs- how would you manage if this child had needs the kind that one of you had to give up work for example? And then on top of THAT, the risks to your own health with a pregnancy at 42, I wouldn’t risk it, honestly.

Thanks for replying and congratulations on your pregnancy! I wish you the very best!

I had dc2 aged 42 and she is fine so the age isn't too much of a problem I think. I had one pg aged 41 which ended in tfmr - I got early notice of that as we did a private NIPT at 10 wks. If you do proceed I'd consider that to be essential - you don't want to find these things out much later and then be even older if you want to try again.

It doesn't test for everything however and I've accepted there may be a higher liklihood of ND due to family incidence. You always have to accept that a child is going to be a roll of the dice (and I know families with severely disabled dc who were perfectly healthy up until birth when something went horribly wrong - which seems to be not uncommon seeing the various inquiries regarding maternity units)

All my pgs and births have gone well however and I'm not sure I would have gone ahead if I had a history of hospitalisation. I don't know how DH would have managed with that really, I'm a sahm and was still breastfeeding at 20m so dc1 would have struggled without me. Realistically we might have had to pay someone to help as we don't have family who'd be able to help.

I think my response would depend on whether it was a one off reason for you being in hospital for the last trimester, or if it was more likely to occur again.

I wouldn’t personally be worried about the age. I love having two children and it’s sweet to see them play. But ultimately your health is the most important thing, especially when you have a child. And months in hospital would be tough in all of you.

If it was a one off reason, I’d have no hesitations going again

@Babybabybabybabybabybaby i know the feeling of wanting another and time not being on your side. At 42 the risk of things happening does increase due to ageing of the eggs really thats what it is so if you can improve their quality youre halfway there

Like another previous poster said, why were you hospitalised and is it realistic it happening again? Id think about that very carefully and if you can speak to a consultant to weigh your choices up, i would

I am 41 and sadly have just had a tfmr so again like another poster said, do all the testing you can as early as possible.

Remove the stress from your life too as that will impact on your egg quality.

Good luck OP

What did you decide @Babybabybabybabybabybabyin the end?