I have two children.Oldest is 8- SEN (ASD) youngest is a 3 year old.
I ALWAYS wanted to be a mum.I know I'm really lucky.I thought it would come naturally because I knew alot about babies and children and wanted it so much....the love and basic care stuff came naturally and easily but not alot else!
I just feel like they are SUCH hard work.
I don't think I'm cut out for parenting kids who are so intense! 😥 I didn't have siblings and had older, reserved parents and life just sort of ticked over most of the time when i was a child i think (I was quite a quiet character) I'm not used to all the noise, constant chatter, not having any space to myself etc (We don't have a very big house either)
I don't have the patience or the tolerance or the emotional regulation skills to handle it.
Oldest is just so INTENSE.....constant demands and questions, ignores instructions, challenges everything we say, doesn't go to bed til near 10pm most nights which means no opportunity to properly relax in the evening, so it's constant stress up and down the stairs (either her or us) I have to drag her out of bed late in the morning as late as possible (if she doesn't get enough sleep she has issues with agression and likely won't be able to concentrate aswell at school- also she is short so I worry about stunted growth) We are then rushing with me nagging her to get ready, end up being late to school.Have tried getting her up earlier but she still doesn't settle til late.
Now youngest is getting harder, challenging instructions and boundaries and not settling to sleep early like she was, so messing about with older one upstairs.They have separate rooms and youngest has a stairgate on hers but oldest let's her out into her room.
Both keep waking at night (although not for long)
Going on holiday next week and it's really putting a downer on it for me as I know it will be the same shit different place at bedtime every night- more so really as eldest will be anxious (due to the ASD) and excited all at once, and youngest will probably nap on the journies.
I love them with all my heart and I am obviously so grateful for them but I am just feeling so worn down and drained at the moment by parenting....it just feels relentless and if I'm honest i resent that the parents of lots of other 8 year olds who are having the calmer easier period between young childhood and the teen years, wheras I can't catch a break from the stress and feel like i never will 😔 as eldest is still like a toddler in some ways.
Her SEN is relatively mild on the scale of things and I know others must have it much harder, but I just sometimes feel so trapped and overwhelmed by it all.
I often get snappy and stressy at both children as they play me up and don't listen, and sometimes husband as I'm just burnt out with parenting- husband can't help with mornings as he goes to work early but does do his fair share in the evenings with bedtime routines as we do the kitchen and tidying together then do one child's routine each (8 year old isn't able to do her own she just gets distracted and loses focus and nothing gets done)
I often feel frustrated as my job involves supporting others who have similar problems to me with parenting and whilst it makes me able to be very empathic I often feel like I'm being a hypocrite advising them as I can rarely follow the advice myself!
Just looking for a hand hold please or someone who can say they find parenting bloody hard too... 😭