Ending bad friendships (7 yo)

[MyFairTealFox]

Just after some advice. My daughter (7) has been friends with another girl since she was 4. I became friends with the mum and it went from there, going to each others houses, outings, parties etc. We would meet up about once a week.

Unfortunately the friendship soured, partly because I have chronic fatigue syndrome and the other mum would drag these playdates out to last the whole day which became unbearable for me. She would ask dd if she wanted to do something like go for lunch or move on to another activity instead of discussing it with me, and then I couldn't refuse as DD would be all excited about it.

The other reason is because her kid is not nice to dd. It's low level bullying type stuff like pushing her into puddles, tipping stuff on her, or downright ignoring her. She also steals things and is quite selfish. Her mum rarely calls her up on it and I think quite likes her daughter behaving in a selfish way.

I backed off from the friendship and started spending less time with them but dh then started taking them out on playdates, brushing off the bullying side of things and putting it down to my exhaustion. However he's now fallen out with her having seen the issues first hand and we've cut off the friendship altogether.

It's been about a month and DD occasionally asks about seeing her 'friend'. It breaks my heart that we had to do this but it just wasn't working for any of us. How do I explain this to DD? How do we move on from it? DD really suffers with confidence issues and I'm worried this will have made things worse.

all these adults “falling out” with one another

You’re all as bad as the 7 year olds 😆

Unfortunately having boundaries and ending relationships when those boundaries aren't respected isn't something my 7yo is capable of which is why we've had to do this.

Sure OP… all sounds very mature and adult like.

You need to explain it to your DD. You can't just cut it off. You talk about what good friends are and do and how to be a good friend but also how to spot a good friend and how to spot when someone is not being a good friend. You don't need to say "this girl is a shit" but you can ask DD who are her good friends and why.

You also need to think about replacing the friend if you are adamant you don't want them to socialise.

Also at 7 I wouldn't be hanging around play dates. Drop and run!

It does sound like the mum was over bearing and manipulating the play dates to what she wanted.
At the time you should have been firm with what you would do. ‘We are not having lunch today, you’ve had fun in the park and we will play again next week’. Then have said to your friend to ask you first before mentioning an idea and repeat this if it continues on the next get togethers.
it’s fine to distance yourself. I think a previous poster nailed it with how you talk to your child.
it’s ok to say no to your little one and others. Set an example to your child, it’s a good lesson for them. Says she who is hopeless at it at times.