Mother Relationship with my 9 year old

[summer90x]

Hello

thought I’d come on here to ask for some advice!

Me & my daughter have always been so close! We welcomed her brother into the world nearly 2 years ago!

My daughter started to ger her hormones around a year ago, and she’s being very off all the time, being rude to me saying I am annoying whenever I ask any questions, doesn’t like cuddles or hugs anymore which makes me very sad, I know she is growing up but she’s very rude to me! I always suggest going out doing things just me & her but she never wants to.

She recently came back from holiday with us and we had a lovely time actually. Then after she went away with her dad for 5 days (we separated when she was 4)
since she’s been back, she keeps cutting me off saying I’m asking too many questions and that I am annoying! Telling me to get out of her room, when I say she needs to come off iPad to go to bed, there’s always dramas! She then goes on saying her dad lets her stay up to midnight!
I said well daddy doesn’t have to take you to school & I’d be a terrible mum if I let you do that. She then tells me to get out of her room!

It’s all making me very sad. I spoke to her tonight and asked her if anything is going on, and why is she being like this to me & asked if I had done something to upset her, I was worried she resented me because of new baby 2 years ago! So I said again should me & you do some things just us? Her answer was no!

I would like some advice on how to handle this. And any tips? As it’s so upsetting she’s so young still and feel like she hates being around me! I love her so so much, I just want to to love spending time with me! I know her hormones come into factor, I will also add that she started her period at the beginning of this month! She’s so young - I was worried about this!

thanks x

May I add when I asked her if something was wrong or if I had done something she said nothing is wrong and she isn’t rude to me etc! xx

Hi, best to give her some space and be there for the hugs when she needs them. You have not done anything wrong, her hormones are all over the place especially as she has just had her first period. She is going to be having lots of conflicting feelings and testing boundaries. go for a long walk together and talk about hers and your worries, I'm sure now she has started her period she has lots of questions and worries but might be too shy to ask. Have you had a good chat about with her about body changes and petiods?
My DD is 9, going through puberty, luckily no period yet but I'm thinking it might be soon, I get lots of eyes rolling and doors slamming plus lots of preteen attitude already.

Yes I do give her space, I just worry as she locks herself away in bedroom! But I suppose she enjoys her space! Yeah I agree I think maybe hormones play a huge part!
Yes we have had a long chat about periods and how she might be feeling etc, she doesn’t enjoy talking about it too much but she listened. Yes my daughters started with puberty - she doesn’t get dressed in front of me ever! She started smelling of BO so wears roll on deodorant now! Then she had some spotting earlier in the year in March when we went to center parcs and it stopped and her period started beginning of June!
I am glad I’m not only one getting the attitude, I suppose I just need to understand more & try chat to her when I can and don’t push it! Hard work isn’t it- I miss the little her ha! Xx

9 is quite young for her period, so I imagine that is quite a lot ofr her to be coping with, alongside the hormonal and other body changes that have been going on.

The key thing is you have to reframe this. Stop with the "it makes me sad". You're putting that on her and you are the parent, and it must stop.

So, if you feel sad, don't let it show. Be friendly, he positive, be kind. Dont' tolerate rudeness, but don't come down like aton of bricks on everytihng. Meet her where she is - does she like shopping and could you do a bit of a summer shop? Does she like swimming - can you go to the beach?

@MageQueenYes very young. And no sorry I think you got it wrong- I don’t say to her I’m sad at all, I was saying that in this chat! I said to her is everything ok you and have I done something then as soon as she said no I said why dont we go out and do some things together. I wouldn’t put my sadness on her.

Remember the WiFi has an off switch..
She's 9.

Letting her decide she's staying on tech is an absolute no.
Imagine this shit in 5 year's time?
Nip it now. Has she got a phone by any chance?

@Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet Erm I don’t let her stay on tech? I don’t think I said that. She has her time limit to stay on her iPad - she isn’t allowed all evening - she is aloud an hour each evening. She was out in garden last night then went up to her room and had her hour, when I told her it’s time to come off and go to bed she wasn’t happy. Then she said her dad lets her stay in to midnight which I am not happy about- which I need to talk to him about as it’s not ok I agree!

No she does not have a phone. She keeps asking for one for her 10th birthday and I’ve told her no, she’s far too young and doesn’t need one.

@Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreettwo week evenings she isn’t aloud iPad at all. Weekends we usually are out or she goes to her dads one evening

Evening, it can be very embarrassing for her to talk about the changes she is going through. My DD does not get changed in front of me either, embarrassing for her I have caught her coming out of the shower a few times but no biggie, just coming of age development. I do have to make sure her bras are correct in size as she has had a bit of a growth spurt in that area and have to ask every few weeks if there is any sign of a Pending period.

Did your DD alert you to any signs before her period?

She is becoming a young lady so try to see the changes ahead as a new chapter for you both and enjoy the newly developing relationship/dynamic you will have with her. Easier said than done at the moment I know.
hugs to you bothXx

Aww yes I think I was the same when getting dressed in. Front of my mum so I don’t care I know it’s embarrassing. She seems so much better last couple of days since we spoke. I’ve been super nude and letting her be.

Yes I noted her period start date so going to ask her around that time - but she does usually tell me!

thanks! I was just feeling worried about her! But I do think it’s all hormone related!

Thanks for your nice message xx