DS capable, but can't be bothered - what to do?

[GeorgeAndTimmy]

DS is 3 (just). His brothers were well out of nappies by now, but he is not. He will use the potty/toilet, and in fact can squeeze out a wee and a poo on demand (we bribe with choc buttons ). However, he is quite happy to wee and poo where he is, as he never wants to stop doing whatever he is doing to go to the loo. He is a very, ahem, active and busy child, who is unconcerned that he is in nappies and his brothers and conempories aren't.

Are there any good ways to make him care? We have been doing the praise the positive, ignore the negative, but it isn't working. He always wants to be sorted out as soon as he has an accident, but won't stop to prevent it. I am considering getting tough with him , so he gets the message that accidents are not a good idea, rather than just 'oh dear, you can't play now till we have sorted that out' kind of thing.

I know we could always wait, but it feels like we have waited a long time already, and I know he can do it, but is just being lazy. Anyone else had this issue?

?

You could tell him one day, that if he has an accident he will have to take off the soiled clothes, put them in the laundry, clean himself up and put on clean clothes by himself, as he is a big boy now and you are not going to do it. This way he will not have your attention, unless he uses potty/loo, when you will be pleased to wipe his bottom for him and pull up his trousers. Sorting himself out will take far longer/be more of a nuisance/keep him away from the fun, and might just make him realise the potty is better and less effort in the long run. Perhaps a potty in most rooms and in the garden might make him feel that he isn't missing much of what's going on, while he's using it. I know I'd rather empty a potty than change pooey pants!

Thnaks girlywirly . That may work, but then he may just say 'no, I'm busy', if he knows he will have to sort himself out . I have always changed him straight away after he has had an accident, so not sure how he would react if left.

I make sure there is a potty wherever he is, although he seems to have more success using the loo, when he gets to flush away his success lol!

Ta for your input . There must be others who have had the same problem???

Can I ask why you don;t want to just wait? He'll get there - it's really not worth a battle!

Seeker - I know these aren't great reasons, because obviously the best reason is because the child is ready but :-
he is my third child and I have been changing nappies almost continuously for 7 years and I am fed up,
he is physically ready,
he needs to accept that he can't just do what he wants when it has an impact on other people (which is his attitude to life in general and not very helpful in a busy family),
nappies cost money, aside from the environmental considerations).

I wouldn't be trying if he weren't capable. He needs a mind shift, and at the moment I have no idea when that will be. I am not generally up for pointless power battles, but at 3 being out of nappies is not an unrealistic expectation...

Georgeand Timmy, your DS knows he will be changed by you promptly after an accident, and that is when he is getting the wrong kind of attention. If you withdraw that you are more effectively ignoring the negative, and only giving attention when he successfully uses the potty/toilet has greater impact iyswim? And if he claims to be to busy to change himself, leave him wet or dirty until he learns for himself how uncomfortable it feels.

This method worked like a charm for a friends 3yo girl, she would cheerfully announce that she was wetting herself as she was doing it, and expect to be changed. One warm day in the garden, she did this, having been told previously she would have to change herself from now on. She refused and and after an hour in wet pants which were by now starting to chafe, she decided to go and change herself. She realised her mum wasn't going to give in on this issue and the wetting pretty much stopped as an attention getting ploy.

Just because he can squeeze out a wee and poo on demand (as my ds2 has been doing since 18 months old) does not mean he is in control of accidents. Accidents are still to be expected.

And leaving a 3 year old to clean up faeces is not age appropriate.

I feel your pain, I had a 3.5 year old in nappies because he wouldn't stop soiling himself, and in the end I promised i would take him swimming when he stopped pooing his pants - and he stopped.

Thanks for your responses ladies. Have had a nappy free day today, bar a trip to town and a nap. He weed in his nappy whenever it was on (grr), but did use the potty/toiler a lot (and had 3 wee accidents). I was reminding him about every half hour though . He did manage to stop weeing one time and hold it in till I could get him to a potty, which was good to see.
Not sure I am any further forward tbh. He had a wee accident the garden earlier and didn't even tell me this time - was unconcerned about the wee pooling in his wellies.
Will have to see what tomorrow brings . I can't help but compare him to his brothers who were just much better and earlier at it than him....

A week down the line, DS has been nappy free aside from sleep times . Some days no accidents, other days one or two. I am very proud of him!

He asks to go, can go for several hours without needing to go, but I stopped hanging over him worrying after day 2! We had a couple of serious chats about being a big boy etc etc, and amazingly enough, it seems to have worked this time, once he realised the nappies were no more.

He is pleased with himself too - although my next problem will be weaning him off the choc rewards (he happily recites 'one for a wee, two for a poo!')