Best friend hitting and scratching - 5 years old

[Amy8]

Hi all,

Just looking for a bit of advice or reassurance.

My 5-year-old daughter has a close friend from school she absolutely adores, but nearly every time they see each other outside the classroom, there’s some kind of incident — a scratch, a shove, or a tap out of frustration. It’s not serious or aggressive, but it’s still physical, and it happens a lot and is always one sided. We’ve daughter daughter never to hit first or hit back.

What’s tricky is that my daughter doesn’t seem phased by it and still wants to be friends.

The friend’s mum is aware and has said she tends to lash out at the friends she’s closest to. She’s firm with her if she sees it happen and tells her off, but obviously she doesn’t always catch it.

I’m torn between not making a huge deal of it (they’re 5 and still learning boundaries/emotional control) and wanting to protect my daughter from what feels like a toxic dynamic, even at this age.

Has anyone been through similar? Do I start pulling back on playdates? Or just keep guiding gently and hope they grow out of it?

Thanks in advance x

I would just stop the play dates until she’s able to manage her behaviour a bit better. Frankly, if I was the other mum, I’d be stopping the play dates myself as a consequence of her scratching, hitting, whatever. She’s never going to learn if there are no consequences and mum is just like, well, she only hurts the friends she’s closest to. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s not really good enough.

Yes think it’s the way to go

thank you

Is that normal? I have an 8 year old son and a 5 year old daughter and neither have ever hurt another child intentionally, like, ever. I’d understand accidents but regularly intentionally hurting others doesn’t seem normal or acceptable to me. My 5 year old daughter absolutely knows not to do that.

Life’s too short to be hurt on play dates. I’d also stop the play dates with her and try sparking up new friendships with other play dates. I’d also be asking the teacher to keep a close eye at school.