13 month old DD severe separation anxiety with DH

[lenalove]

Hi everyone,

My DD 13 months has always very much been a daddy's girl but recently it has escalated to serious separation anxiety towards DH and it's making things so hard for us and her.

For context, DH works from home 5 days a week and I work in an office 2 times a week (on these days my DM does childcare). DH has always been super hands on, and has put her down to sleep at night since the beginning.

For the past month or so, DD has become SO clingy to him, to the point where he is struggling to work because she will find him in the house and cry until he engages with her. If he tries to go out for whatever reason, she has a total meltdown. If she wakes in the night and I try and tend to her, she screams and points at the door until he comes in and takes her. When he is around, me and my DM are invisible, even though usually she is totally happy to be with either of us. When I leave to go to work she happily blows me a kiss and waves goodbye.

I think it has something to do with their well-matched temperaments. DH is a super chill low key guy, and DD bless her is highly strung like me and prone to huge mood swings. He is fantastic at soothing her whilst sometimes I get stressed and upset when she is screaming so maybe she picks up on this?

Is this just a phase we need to ride out? Any tips?

Thank you.

DM needs to look after DD in her own house unless DH can lock himself away! He needs to be invisible when working.

Unfortunately our house is very small so it's hard for him to hide effectively. DD will always manage to locate him especially as she can hear him on calls and follow his voice.

Yes it would be much better for your DM to look after her at her house. Apart from that, the good news is clinginess is usually a phase. My DD used to be all about Mummy but now clings to Daddy.

As a nanny (career) I always ensure that parents work out of the home, or if they are to stay at home, they try to stay out of the way - i had one dad who sat in the living room. I also ensured we were out and about. Your husband needs to stay out of the way, your mum needs to be able to plan a day where she and DH don't spend too much time in the same room. also your dh needs to let your mum care for the child - this is giving her mixed messages

Most parents can't WFH with a toddler. Everyone in my office with babies over the age of 1 come in full time (and some of them have huge houses). My boy is 10 months and I find it hard to WFH. I can't even go to the kitchen to make a coffee as baby will spot me or hear me and it's game over.

Separation anxiety is normal and healthy. It's probably because she knows he is always there.