Help -

[Childlessmum1]

Hi, I need advice.
So I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and he has a 6 old. It’s been a hard 3 years with blending due to acts from the bio mum. Recently me and my partner had a little argument (more of a disagreement) 15 minutes before his child was going home to bio mum on the Sunday. The bio mum then text to say that her child have told her we bickered and she isn’t allowing her to come over for weekends, we have to earn her trust back - so we can start having the child a hour here and a hour there. ((We’ve had the child every weekend)It wasn’t an argument we’re voices were raised it was just a honest disagreement but the bio mum is threatening to tell the child’s school etc so they can talk to the child. The bio mum is blowing this out of proportion and now I feel like I’ll never be able to bring up a irritation of my partners. It’s caused more stress. What do I do? I feel like leaving just because the bio mum has always manipulated our life. It’s really stressing me out because I do feel guilty for the child but I can’t help but think even if I had kids I can speak my mind in my home

I’ve even considered leaving

You can't change your partner or his ex. It doesn't matter who is unreasonable or who has done something wrong or how your partner should have dealt with it. This is who they are, this is the situation, and it's how it will always be. Whether or not you can put up with it, is your choice.

Thank you - you couldn’t be more right! - I needed that

Your DP needs a court order.

That’s his choice.

He obviously doesn’t want to.

Stand back and ignore - and she’s mum not bio mum -

There is no moral superiority in choosing to be a step mother. It's something I would never ever do, especially now I am a mother myself and understand what parenting demands of you, what children need, how wrong things can go etc etc..

If the 2 parents involved (note, you are NOT one of the parents) are anything less than civil and on the same page with parenting, schedules etc, it's a recipe for chaos and stress.

The ex is the mum (not the bio mum, don't downplay her role). She will always be in the child's life and therefore his life and therefore your life. You will always play second fiddle. Even if you have a child of your own, his first child will be a priority and the whole thing will be even more of a nightmare.

Life is too short if you ask me.