Father Xmas

[Firstimepregnancy]

Needing some adVice with how to deal with in laws who keep saying father Xmas along with other magical things aren’t real to my young children.

I currently have a newborn and 19 months old and a 11 year old step child. My father in law is someone who is known to say what he wants and not listen or respect others. He’s previously called his son (my hubby) a weak man for not standing up for himself and his children. I’ve always backed my husband but this weekend I have reached my final straw needing some advice how to deal with this.

I have a 10 dayold newborn and in the run up to his birth my fil would say things such as when the new baby comes mummy won’t love you as much she won’t have time for you she won’t care too much about you just want cuddles with baby. This ofc upset me and I’d say absolutely not the case and reassure my daughter giving lots of kisses cuddles and attention you’ll always be my big girl etc. this is just to give some context what he’s like. My husband just said nothing when I mentioned it to him it would cause a row he’s say I’m slagging his dad off. he also does things like forces her to cuddle him or hold his hand she says no and he still goes to force it till I step in and say no.

this weekend my daughter is really into mermaids and my mum bought her a mermaid balloon when her bro was born. My daughter pointed this out to my fil and said look mermaids (her speach is v good and she understands a lot of thinngs) my fil response oh they’re not real just like father Xmas isn’t real. He said it to her and with such spite I turned and said x what are you doing he said we’ll it not is it oh we’ll she doesn’t understand I did say tht isn’t the point and said to my daughter we loved father Xmas last year csnt wait to see him again we’ll have to be a good girl to be on his nice list.

this ofc has really upset me let alone fact I’m 10 days postpartum and really hormonal. I mentioned it to my husbands and said tht it was nasty and I feel this is my last straw. This isn’t the first time Xmas day last year he said father Xmas isn’t real to her. Then said oh she only 13 months she doesn’t understand.

xmy point is one day she will understand probably sooner than he thinks and the magic will be ruined before it’s begun. He as 5 other adult grandchildren and they all belived till they were 12. So I’m truly baffled as to why he’d even say that to a young child.

my instinct is to text him privately and say that wasn’t on and do not do tht again or you’re not welcome to come. My husband said he’d address it next time he says it but my fear is it will be said and my daughter understand and it be ruined before it’s begun.

to be honest I find it baffling hed even say tht anything magical wasn’t real especially as she was so excited to show him. I just really now don’t want my children around someone so nasty.

any advice would be appreciated as bringing it up with husband caused ww3 and him saying I’ve ruined his weekend.

His behaviour is bizarre and I can see why you don’t want a repeat of it. TBH I wouldn’t deal with it by text. I think you or dp need to talk to him. I don’t think you need to wait for him to say it again.

Sounds very mean and spiteful. I would cut all contact with someone who deliberately hurt my children.

I wouldn’t be standing for this and I’m baffled why your husband is defending him. Is he scared of his father and it’s easier in his mind to piss you off than to upset his father? If so, he needs to grow up fast. And I would be minded to let him see that pissing you off goes far worse for him than pissing off his dad ever would.

You’re married to a wet lettuce.

I wouldn’t stand for this. I’d either ban him or start calling him “silly Granda, he doesn’t know much does he?”

I'd want to murder that bastard, what a horrible man.

Minimise contact. Your children don't go anywhere without you and you don't go to the in laws and they are not invited to yours. Fuck them. Your children, your house, your rules.

You risk so much damage to your children, it's not worth it.

Blimey, he sounds like a miserable, spiteful cunt. I would tell my husband in no uncertain terms that if there is any sort of repeat behaviour of any sort, then you will ban him from your house and access to your children. And mean it. Nasty prick.

Didn’t read past him saying you won’t love her as much and the mermaid thing. That’s enough. Non contact. I’d have no qualms about it. If you ignore it he’ll simply say worse and worse things. He’s a disgusting human being.

Forget the father Christmas party the fact he told your child you wouldn't love her as much when you had a new baby is enough of a reason to never see him again!

I can't believe your husband thinks that sort of behaviour is ok.

This makes me feel better and that I’m not super crazy for wanting to cut contact!

hes also hugely inappropriate talking about sex and pegging in front of my 11 year old stepdaughter again husband does say dad shut up but his response I’ll talk about whatever I want. Repulsive.

my issue is how to broach this with my husband I think you’re right he’s hugely scared of his dad I have no idea why but he is. If it was my dad saying that he would be saying to me we can’t go again or sort it out with him.

my husbands been previously married and his ex said she only wanted to see the in laws once a month which he agreed to. I can see why she wanted this! I have tried this approach but he’s said now we have kids they need to see them even if he is a nasty bastard. (he doesn’t say he’s a nasty bastard ofc) do I just put my foot down and say nah no more 1x every 6 weeks for my kids is enough and you can see them alone with my sd as much as you’d like in the meantime.

he has a thing about it being equal my parents see my kids a lot however they aren’t nasty!

I’ve never and will never leave my kids alone in the room with them even if hubby is there I can’t trust he’ll protect them. where they go I go which I’m now stressing about as I have two. I know the postpartum hormones make everything feel heightened but I’m dreading their next visit or mentioning it to my husband as last time I did he said I wasn’t nice for saying their not very nice to our kids.

I have tried this approach but he’s said now we have kids they need to see them even if he is a nasty bastard.

Then your husband does not care about your DC if he is prepared to stand back and watch them be abused.