Struggling to play with DD6 now her baby brother is crawling

[someladdersandsnakes]

I have DD6 and an 8 month old. This age gap is really easy for practical stuff but I never anticipated how hard it would be to play with them both. Until recently it wasn't impossible because I could play with her while baby was under his play gym, or I could have him sit on one side of me and play with her on the other side of me and it was just about feasible. Now he's crawling and trying to pull up on everything, interested in and grabbing everything I'm finding it impossible to play with DD when I'm looking after them both. He's whingey and clingy and also just not safe to move away from him now he's mobile. We can't do crafts, card games, puzzles, board games, dolls, reading together...I can't even play a game with her on her tablet because he grabs that too. Luckily this isn't a problem for long stretches of the day because DH is home evenings and weekends so it's just 3 till 5 really when I have them both, but generally I can't give her much attention in this time and I'm with him the whole time, she's having to entertain herself which she hates. I can get 10mins out of him in the jumparoo which I save for important times like when I'm doing food prep. We have no space in the house for a playpen for him, but even if we did I don't think he would play nicely alone for very long. Our garden is really child-unfriendly too. DD loves her brother and likes to play with him but only for short bursts really and she needs more stimulating and complicated play at her age. She's also had years of our undivided attention and is used to us doing imaginative games with her all the time and she doesn't deserve to be ignored so much now. We have the summer holidays coming up and I just don't know what we'll do all day! I can't imagine a whole day at home just the three of us, how I'll be able to spend time with DD outside of nap time which is only a couple hours of the day now. I find it easier out and about, but DD is a bit of a homebody and doesn't love going to the park etc for hours. Her favourite thing is to play with me at home! Does anyone who's been in a similar situation know how to navigate this?

Honestly? Time for your DD to learn to entertain herself a bit more.

Can she read at all? Colour or do stickers? Make things from kits and then show you? Dress up and then show you? Listen to audiobooks?

Do get out of the house even if it’s not her first choice. Do you have a playground nearby? My DC were good at finding a little play buddy at the playground at her age - sometimes with a bit of encouragement from me.

Yep, I found it impossible to do any kind of play that needed more one to one help like crafts or board games. It will get better as the baby gets older, but honestly I filled the gaps by booking lots of after school activities for DD1 (so we only had an hour max to fill on school days before DH got home), and lots of activity camps during the holidays (for at least as long as a school day). It meant she was able to mix with friends and pick up new skills too.

Same as other PP. Our kids are roughly the same age OP but I have one in the middle too. I very rarely play with DC1 anymore tbh but I know the time will come back when the baby gets older and can entertain themselves for a short time period and/or join in something with us or the middle child.

I guess one difference for us though is that my eldest can play with the middle. Which they do, but then two also fight loads, so it's swings and roundabouts really!

Oof, as I suspected, the answer is "you can't" 😥
I'll have to make the most of playdates and activities and trips out and planned solo play for her then! Thanks all x

We had a pack and play (just a cot really) and DS1 would sit in it to keep safe from DS2 when he wanted to play with something that DS2 really wanted (toy cars, tablet, books etc.)

There's no way DS2 would be restricted to the pack and play, so it was much easier to put the older child in it and have DS2 pressing himself against the bars trying to get in instead.

But yes, until the baby is a bit older, and assuming they get on even, it's going to be pretty much impossible. Little ones want to touch stuff and can't play nicely with older kids toys yet.

So is this 3-5 after your DD finishes school? I suspect she'd appreciate a bit of attention after she's been away from you. Its a tricky time of day!

Have DS pull himself up to a table covered with lots of interesting things he can explore next to you while you play with DD nearby?

Will he sit in a high chair and play with things and then play with food while you do some crafts?

Will he sit on your lap with a chewy/touchy feely book while you read to her?

I never did imaginative involved games with my kids so it's not something I've had to accommodate but you can still spend time together without involved play.

We do imaginative play where I only do the talking. So I'm actually on the other side of the room with smaller child and their toys, but calling out 'my' toys' responses as older DD moves them around. 5 times out of 10 she forgets about me and fully immerses herself in the play, but it definitely gets her started/ makes her feel that I'm playing with her.

What about playing on a table – like a kitchen or dining table – with DD whilst DS is set up with some interesting things to explore on the floor or a low table nearby (or is let loose in the tupperware cupboard)? You'll need to swap your attention back and forth a fair bit, but it should still let you do some puzzles, crafts, etc. Possibly also collaborative-type board games, as DD can then take your turn for you if necessary.

I have a smaller age gap, but I also did the imaginative play by voice only when necessary!

I presume some of the 3 to 5 is the school run, is this on foot? If so you can chat to DD on the way home while DC2 is safely in the buggy (maybe he has a snack or buggy toy). Then she will probably have daily reading homework so that’s also 1:1 time. (May have to use jumperoo again or another form of containment!). Chat with her while you make tea.

If you put DC2 in a high chair at table level then he will feel more involved and might stay happy while you do something at the table with DD?

We also had one of these FunPod which I got cheaply second hand, it was really helpful as DC could feel involved with table activities but still be safe. But more for toddler age.