I HATE bedtime

[Ohmygoodnessitsmonk]

I have three children whom I love dearly. However bedtime is awful (well to me!). We must have done something wrong as they are all terrible and we have tried everything….. we have got ourselves into the situation where we both have to sit with them (not in their beds but on the floor) just so they don’t get out of bed and then wait in a darkened white noise room until they fall asleep - anything up to two hours all in every night.

They are well loved and fed (all are great eaters), they don’t have much screen time, we are fortunate enough to have a large garden and they spend their evenings and weekends having a lovely time. They will brush teeth, put pjs on, do reading like angel children, we get into their bedroom and it’s like a switch goes! They bounce on the effing beds, they all want to toilet at various times (even if they go before I think they store extra poop in their colons just to piss me off!), they writhe around their beds, they look at books and then get annoyed they can’t read the words. They shout, they cry, they sing - you name it.

We do staggered bedtimes so lots of one/to-one time and we alternate each night so that everyone gets mummy/daddy.

They have a consistent routine, their room is as dark as we can make it, we try to use quiet voices (until I inevitably flip my lid each night). We have tried (against our better judgement at letting them stay up later - there is a big crowd who say 7 is way too early for a 6 year old - but it still takes as long, I loose my evenings and they can’t cope as they all need their sleep. They are not night owls, and are at their best on those rare days they all sleep at 730/745. We have tried super nanny - they all go 100 times and even after weeks it was no better.

We have paid for sleep consultants - may work for a handful of days and then it reverts back. There is no ND. Between the hours of 630/845 my children are just nightmares and as all three do it, it is absolutely our fault. I am not sure what went wrong as they all used to go to sleep beautifully when they were babies.

Finally, and this is a me problem, I get so edgy - I see the time moving on and I know as it gets to 745/8/815/830 that with every five minutes they will struggle that much more the next day and then it gets into a cycle of over tired misery.

No purpose of this apart from hoping for some solidarity?!

You have my sympathy OP I think everyone goes through something in parenting that they just can’t seem to get right!! This would drive anyone round the bend.

How old are DC and do any of them share a room?

I am wondering if they are getting tense energy off you? Can you try to all do a kids meditation together (we listen to ones on the Calm app) as part of your routine after stories? Alternatively can you do bath etc then literally let them come down stairs and watch an hour of calm tv while you relax with a tea, catch up with stuff, anything that is going to refresh you. Then bed & if they are good an hour of tv again the next night. If you’re generally low screen this could work.

I am sure you have tried bribery haha but could you focus on the eldest first. Tell her she has the first chance and the littler ones will have a chance next week Take her to Smyths or the entertainer and let her find a toy she really likes. Tell her if she gets 7 stickers on her chart she can get it the following week. Then repeat but also take the next youngest. Keep going for a few weeks and hopefully the pattern should be broken?

i know you’ll be thinking “I dont parent like that!” But honestly you need a break and its worth a try to do something outside the box.

I had to lay down with both of mine. Otherwise they were up and down all night.

15 minutes cuddling to sleep and they were off.

am I definitely not above bribery, we try it regularly. Oldest has activities he LOVES, he misses them regularly because of it and he knows it. We’ve tried sticker charts, toy shop promises but they just don’t work beyond one or two nights. I can see they all want to be good but there is something that happens to them in those two hours which makes them go crazy!!

Makes not a dickybird of difference!

Hi op you’re not alone, currently sat in my DS room waiting for him to fall asleep. Every night is a battle, it’s so draining.

What’s the matter with them getting out of bed? Let them. As long as they stay in their rooms. My rule was they could have whatever they wanted to play with in their bed. I said goodnight and left them to it.

Do you have 3 in one room?

They don’t stay in their rooms and they would stay up until god knows what time. We have friends who had children who would just crash - mine are akin to Duracell bunnies who would not be caught doing anything as silly as going to sleep, let alone of their own accord.

They are little, they need to sleep and if they don’t they are exhausted and over tired. When they are older I will be entirely with you!

Ah man! Sounds tough. I have three but likely younger than yours. One is good at bedtime (we’ve cracked this one) and another terrible, I think we can only cope because we put the good one to bed first and immediately have one less child to deal with

Have you ever gotten cross and told them you are both too knackered for all this??
Sounds like prop after prop.

When will that stop?
When you stop it imo.
Or maybe be too tired for an activity one day because you pissed around so much doing bloody bedtimes....

Yes but by choice. They had been separate or sharing with one of the other but now all are walking and fully fledged children it was pandemonium! Now they have a lovely triple room and it has improved it to some degree (can you believe it!!!)

I get cross every night! It makes no difference, they get stuff they enjoy removed, they have consequences. Outside of bedtime they are all really lovely (beyond normal small children stuff), but bedtime is a joke. I wish I knew how to stop it. We both work full time and flexibly so after sitting in a room it’s not uncommon for one of us to go and work.

I am on my knees with tiredness sometimes. I am sure they will grow out of it but right now, I hate it.

What about audio books?

I found them helpful.

that sounds really frustrating & exhausting!

when we get stuck in a negative pattern that I know leads to me being frustrated we try & change the plan completely to break the pattern

you say they’re good for story time our bed time looks like thi s

ds chooses a lively 10 minute activity which we all fully focus on , sometimes it’s a disco sometimes football tickle time etc.

altho sounds counter productive he can’t cope with wind down activities until he is I bed so a quick connective burst of activity helps.

he then has a light supper in bed. I know lots of people will be anti this & grossed out by food in bed etc but it gets him upstairs & into bed happily. read books while has this

then teeth brushed and toilet

then we read dr Seuss sleep book to him or put a bed time toni on.

he then falls to sleep pretty quickly.

we’re still needed it’s not perfect but it’s calm & happy & maybe you could put them all at same time and save yourself time

hope you come up with something that works for you!!

i try & remind myself it won’t last forever & one day we’ll miss these days take care

I'd separate them as much as possible to be honest. 3 in one room seems crazy to me if you have more space. Mine are very firmly kept to their own rooms because otherwise they drive each other insane, race around upstairs giggling, etc. Separated, youngest is asleep in 10 minutes most nights and eldest half an hour later!

Hey! As an exhausted mama, this sounds really hard.

But - and most people don’t know this - many kids need intense physical work RIGHT before bed. It sounds crazy. Jumping, crashing, falling down, deep pressure through pillow squashes, letting all their energy out.

Have you guys tried a crash pad space for them right before bed? And just letting them transition from 10-30 minutes of that, then to story time? Highly recommend a series they can follow that you read from every night. Magic Tree House. Harry Potter. Chronicles of Narnia.

For our rambunctious niece, it’s a recipe for sleep. We’ll be doing the same for our daughter when she’s old enough 💛

I know this is such a pain. And when you’re tired, you’re tired. And thinking “please. Please just go to sleep.”

Finding that perfect routine can be exhausting. But I hope you do, because you deserve to cherish these bedtime moments. We only get a few of them 💔 Keep searching, you’ll find your groove.