Adult daughter no respect

[Mamas79]

Hi, I have. 26yod and two 13&16 old daughters. I don’t have a brilliant relationship with the eldest one. According to her I am a loser even though I’m working my arse off to provide for her little sisters we leave only one person income and they have everything they want or need. We’re going on holidays abroad free four times a year etc my eldest daughter had some mental health issues and we’ve been through some tough times I’m glad that she’s having a good relationship with her younger sisters, however. She would make arrangements with them to take them out for lunch shopping or whatever she would shower them with the gifts which are welcome .at some point today. My eldest daughter came around park outside and my 16 year-old just told me she’s going out with herso I text my eldest daughter saying I would really appreciate if you let me know when you’re planning to take the girls out which she said I wanna talk to you and I want I can see them whenever I want so I ask her politely and I’ll explain. I need to know where they are. We might have a previous arrangements. You can’t just take them out whenever you feel like it which she told me to basically jog off am I being an arsehole here? I need to know where my kids are and when they’re going out.

If my DD spoke to me like that she’d get short shrift. In your shoes, I’d stop making any effort to speak to her, no calls or texts, don’t invite her over. At 26, she needs to learn to treat other people with some respect, you’re not her punch bag . Perhaps I sound harsh, but in my family we have a rule that everyone treats each other with respect and calling someone a loser isn’t on.

Re. Your younger children. Ask them to tell you when they’re going out with her, make it a non-negotiable condition. If they were younger, I wouldn’t let them go at all, but at 16, doing this is pointless.

Your children living at home are teens. I’d expect them to tell you where they were going and with whom. I don’t know that it’s your older daughter’s responsibility to make plans with them through you. Do their friends do that?

It sounds like you and your eldest don’t have a close relationship. It’s hard to know where the responsibility lies for that, but she should speak politely to you. If there is history though, I can see why she may come off the way she does, rightly or wrongly.