Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Really need advice

3 replies

AllStar4 · 15/06/2025 09:18

Hi. This will probably be very outing but I'm desperate for advice.

I became a Special Guardian for my niece 2 years ago when she was 16. At the time she had just left school and had severe anxiety. She is now almost 18 and in those 2 years has not been in education, training or employment. She has refused to engage with any help offered and made very little effort to do anything at all.

She rarely leaves the house, will not go into a shop, doctors, dentist etc. However, she will stay at a friend's house maybe twice a month. One her last visit they went to the gym for 2 hours. How can she be too anxious to go to the shop for some milk but go to the gym for 2 hours? It's really getting to me as when she turns 18 in a few weeks I will no longer receive the allowance which means my income will reduce by a third. I started a second job recently to try bridge the gap but it's not enough.

I have tried everything, helping in any way I can think of. An old employer of mine offered my niece a temporary job but she refused that.

What do I do here? I'm at a complete loss. I have 3 younger children and am a single parent so it's all on me and I'm exhausted. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Pleaseshutthefuckup · 15/06/2025 13:25

Just because this is not the typical way of being; is it possible she is Neurodivergent? Life is significantly harder for most ND people.

I really do not believe that people living like this are just lazy. And that includes even if she went to the gym. She might be severely depressed if her birth parents are completely gone or out the picture.

I really feel for her. I absolutely understand your situation too.

What's the main thing you need. Is it financial contribution? Her out the house more? Hope she'll move out soon? You're allowed to feel this btw.

I would be looking at negotiating with her. That would involve coming together to a medical appointment to start trying some anxiety medication out to see if helpful.

Because she's refusing then I think you need to start really sitting with her and asking what's going on. There's alot here that is happening for her that she hasn't told you I'd say.

AllStar4 · 15/06/2025 14:26

I don't think she is ND, although I'm no expert I do work in SEN so like to think I would notice any signs. She does take anxiety medication (from the one time I managed to drag her to the GP) she is on the lowest dose and they wont increase it if she doesn't actually go to them. Her parents are both still around and she has contact with them.

What I'd love is for her to live the happy, ordinary life of an 18 year old, but I am not asking for that. That is a lot to ask considering her upbringing so my expectations are not that high. I don't think it's too much to expect her to get a part time job, to go out with her boyfriend every now and again (she only sees him here at home, and she shares a room with my daughter so there is ongoing conflict) and to make an effort to engage with professionals. It will be financially extremely hard for me and I'm so worried about that, but if she is earning some money she will be able to look after herself and not rely on me to buy her everything.

Thank you for your reply, I will definitely sit and talk to her once again I just can't see it making any difference as I've said it all before.

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/06/2025 14:29

My dd 18 is identical. ASD and ADHD.

The doctors are discriminating against her if they won’t up the dose unless she does f2f. They are meant to adapt for her.

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