I feel like my baby hates me

[Natiie]

I had my son 11 days ago (first child) and although he was a little fussy at first, he settled quite well, but over the last few days, I feel like no matter what I do, I can't make him happy. His dad is not in the picture.

I have taken him outside for fresh air, I make sure I eat and drink enough and I dress him in lighter clothing as it has been warmer.

I have done exercises with him in case he has trapped wind, massages, played relaxing music for him and rocked him, but nothing seems to help.

He constantly wants to be nursed, but even when I do nurse him, he looks so 'angry' and fights when being fed and screams like he's been tortured, but if I put him down, he continues to scream because he wants to be fed. My milk supply is good, so I'm not concerned about him not having enough to eat.

I change him regularly and it is always wet or he has a bowel movement, so I'm not concerned about him being dehydrated or constipated. I was worried that he had diarrhea because of how frequently he was going, but my midwife and a friend said it was normal when I showed them a used nappy. He screams every time I do change him, but I don't see anything wrong (no nappy rash, I don't wipe him to hard etc).

I speak gently to him and narrate what I'm doing, what's going on, so he is used to my voice. I never shout at him. There has been times, he falls asleep when I'm nursing him, but if I remove him, he screams. I have tried using a dummy and at first it seemed to work, but he'll spit it out and continue with screaming.

I have been getting more upset and feel like no matter what I do, I can't make him happy. I love him to death.

I don't have family, but close friends who have said it was normal to feel this way.

That behaviour sounds totally normal at this stage. They go through so many fussy phases in their first year of life and especially the first 6 months. Developmentally their brains are growing so rapidly which brings out the fussiness to the extreme. Best thing to do is get him outside in the carrier for walks, and nurse on demand with a box set, or better still some pals for company. So much of the newborn phase is survival and riding the wave. I wouldn’t say much of it is enjoyable, or bareable. But you’ll get through it. If your mental health is suffering then definitely seek help and try to get some support / go to baby groups / meet some other new mums. Your hormones will be going crazy at the moment. Wishing you all the best.

Your baby absolutely does not hate you! He’s screaming for any number of reasons, none of which are that he hates you. Please try not to take it personally, it’s absolutely brutal for some of the early days. Does he like the buggy/car seat/sling?