Inlaws dont want to follow nap schedule

[Madea667]

My 16 month old is a sleep trained baby, we do our bedtime routine and put her into her cot where shes usually alseep with no fuss in 5 minutes. Same goes for naps too.

Now my inlaws are aware I sleep trained her and dont agree with it (I used ferber)they insinuate I'm heartless for letting her cry and 'they will not allow crying in their household' they are my only source of childcare or catching a break. When LO goes to their house she constantly skips naps because MIL doesnt want to place her in the crib to sleep, she likes to rock LO to sleep but LO will wake up as soon as shes transfered to crib so now she ultimately just skips naps. (Shes on 2 naps a day still, no signs of needing to transition to 1 just yet)

If LO spends the night, I have to go and do the bedtime routine at my MIL house which LO is normally exhausted because MIL doesnt want LO to cry??

Like at this point I'm actually stuck on what to do because I've:

Spoken to MIL numerous times about this, even just sticking to regular nap times and she always says 'oh she wasnt tired' when my daughter was infact very tired

Tried to compromise by just letting them do it their way but when LO comes back from any visit shes an overtired mess who takes days to get back to normal.

At this point I dont know if I should just lessen childcare or what? LO currently visits once every 2 weeks or once a week.

Has anyone experienced this?? If so what did you do??

I would want things to work for the sake of family relations . If baby is good at falling asleep without assistance I would try to give gm confidence by eg being in the house once or twice while she does it. Your baby might or might not fall asleep without tears when the background circumstances are different. I would much rather a babysitter picked up lo than there be tears. I must admit I would also look at myself here too. There isn’t just one correct way to manage a toddler. Your DMil has brought at least one child up to adulthood and is experienced. She also loves your child and wants to help you. I would try to give her some credit here although I appreciate it can be infuriating when you have different ways of doing things. As a pp says the luxury of a fixed routine is often impossible with subsequent DC . One of mine ‘lived ‘ in a buggy or sling and one in the car. No obvious harm has come to them.

Yep.

This sounds like childcare for fun rather than needed for work. Either let MIL do her thing, or hire a babysitter.

That is a shame but it looks like you have very different childcare styles. I see nothing wrong with the Ferber Method and have read the book and it sounds sensible but we didn't do it as I couldn't do listening to the crying. This decision not to sleep train may have ultimately been worse for both the kids and us!

If you get free family childcare then to a certain extent you need to let ot be their rules at their house. Often kids are great at adapting to different expectations and routines in different settings. Other times like with naps and potty training it can sometime sabotage your efforts at home. You need to decide if because of this you want to pay for childcare instead. A nursery would have her sleeping in a cot. You would sacrifice her forming such a good relationship with her grandparents though. You could do a mix of both and stop overnights for now.

Well if your best is Ferber don’t be surprised when other parents disagree, respectfully or not.

If your styles are so misaligned then maybe you could look for other childcare, or you could accept that some people do things differently and your daughter is safe and cared for when with them.

Yes this, so sad

Ludicrous leaving a baby to cry.

You want free childcare? Tough.

Pay someone else to ignore your baby if you don't like responsive care.

16 months is on the later side to drop to 1 nap so perhaps when she is there she is showing the signs by being comfortable enough to skip or nap short? Mine dropped to one nap at nursery earlier than at home as the environment was different. I know that wasn't the point of the thread but just an observation! Could also mean if you adjust the schedule to aim for one nap she will more likely sleep for longer/less likely to wake on transfer and there will only be once a day that it's a bone of contention?