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Parenting

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Please help-am I being selfish for wanting the break

14 replies

Opinionated9Pinny · 14/06/2025 00:05

Need advice. I have had an extremely hard 2 years, my best friend took her own life 2 years ago, my sister took her own life 9 years ago, I care for her children. My marriage broke down after 14 years. I caught him cheating throughout but tried to make it work. It got extremely physical, volatile etc. Just not the person I married. I didn't even recognise ise this man anymore. Anyway I'm currently getting divorced-thats fun. We have a beautiful wee boy and daughter together and he has applied to the court for contact. This has never been an issue as I have always facilitated contact as I feel it's important for our children. This year was my first year away from him and I booked a holiday for myself and the kids. However he wouldn't sign the consent form for the holiday. He did initially but then when the passport office rang he said he didn't give his consent. Now the kids can't go because I have to resubmit a consent form and it will take weeks. We are due to fly in 4 days. I've done everything humanly possible to try and resolve this issue. Police, solicitors, welfare, politicians. Everything tk try and get the passports but it's not happening. Now my kids who I have fought tooth and nail to provide for on my own and treat to a beautiful holiday are not going to get.
I can't change the dates, I will have to pay 2000 to cancel and the only thing I can do is to use travel insurance to claim back money for no shows.
My mum thinks I need the break just because I haven't done anything for myself in a long time and I should go with a friend while she watches the kids. However I feel like such a horrible mum not being able to take the kids when that was the whole point.of the holiday.
Do I go and get some well needed headspace and reset or do I stay and just let the money go to waste. I'm soo torn :( and I feel soo selfish for even thinking about going without them. But I know I'd be a better person and mum if I had a bit of a break

OP posts:
showyourquality · 14/06/2025 00:10

I’m 100 percent team your mum. Go and rest and recharge.

Mumofteenandtween · 14/06/2025 00:14

showyourquality · 14/06/2025 00:10

I’m 100 percent team your mum. Go and rest and recharge.

This.

Plus think how pissed off he will be when he discovers that his horrible act of sabotage had led to you having a lovely bit of me-time. Perhaps with an extremely hot Spanish waiter. 😉

Safxxx · 14/06/2025 00:16

Since he didn't consent to them going then leave both kids with him and you go and have a good time, don't feel guilty it's not your fault, but you absolutely need this break....Ask a friend to go with you and make the most of it.

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OneFineDay13 · 14/06/2025 00:17

Heard of thee consent bit before what's the story with that why is it needed? I have taken my kids away before and never needed consent . But I have sole custody is that why. Thanks

Opinionated9Pinny · 14/06/2025 00:18

Aww thank you I feel like I really would benefit but I've such mum guilt.

OP posts:
cleowasmycat · 14/06/2025 00:19

my daughter has a different surname to me after divorce and never needed a consent letter.

Opinionated9Pinny · 14/06/2025 00:19

The consent form was for their first passport

OP posts:
Opinionated9Pinny · 14/06/2025 00:21

No it's their first time passport the consent form was signed and ok but the witness that had to verified, and she wasn't on shift when the passport office rang.

OP posts:
Opinionated9Pinny · 14/06/2025 00:22

Thank you, I just have serious mum guilt leaving them even though there's dam I can do is just hate the whole situation

OP posts:
Opinionated9Pinny · 14/06/2025 00:24

Yeah that's true, it's not my goal I just live life but yeah the fact he wants to sabotage and maybe doesn't get to is kind of satisfying

OP posts:
Notmyrealname22 · 14/06/2025 00:33

Go and enjoy the holiday, it sounds like it would be good for you. Everyone, including mums (or especially mums) deserve a break every now and then. They will be with your Mum, who you know will take good care of them. When my kids were 3 & 5 we went overseas for 10 days and left the kids with my mum. They were absolutely fine and had a good time with her.

Dillydollydingdong · 14/06/2025 01:41

Yeah I agree. Just go. He'll be so annoyed! Next time just arrange a holiday in the UK for you and the kids. Cornwall is lovely, maybe at a Parkdean? Isle of Wight? That's lovely too - go down the cliff in the chairlift, boat round the bay at the bottom to see the Needles? Even Butlins? The kids would love it!

biggestcatmom · 14/06/2025 01:51

Please just go, your mother will look after your children. No mum guilt, you need this time to recharge and most importantly enjoy yourself

wannagoome · 14/06/2025 01:53

I just wanted to say I am so sorry life and your husband have been so cruel to you and it is so awful of him to refuse a passport for your children’s holiday. Sometimes all the systems seem set up to assume that everyone means well and that no-one is mean for the sake of it. Which is sadly often not the case. I feel there should be something written in to prevent parents unreasonably refusing permission. I have yet to go through this as can’t afford a holiday, but expect my ex will also be difficult for the sake of it.

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