How bad does it get? (Baby-related, Terrible Twos etc)

[Chia68]

I have a 9 month old and he’s a pure joy. We’re out and about most days, he doesn’t cry much, eats well, sleeps more or less alright…however, everyone tells me ‘just wait, it will all go downhill soon’. I do think that 5-9 months is generally the best phase for many, but wondering how bad it gets, and when?

With the obvious caveats that every child is different, and every parent finds different stages more challenging, I personally think the interval between mobility and conversation is tough. Maybe 12-18m?

I really don’t think yiu can generalise. It depends on the kid, of course (some are difficult newborns, some terrible toddlers, some are nightmare teens… lots of people seem to say that the primary years are good, though!).

But it also depends on what else is going on in your life. Primary might be really tricky if you have a full time job and unreliable wraparound care, for instance.

Or it could all be dreamy. My only tip would be to plan ahead, but try to enjoy what you have now.

Every child is different and how people handle it are so different. I've found various points between 0-4 challenging but would never pinpoint a particular age as "the WORST". Every stage has its own joys! I'd ignore anyone saying those things to you personally and just enjoy the nice bits of each age. I have a friend and I find it sad how she seems to write off whole years of her child's life, e.g., "oh xyz was awful at 2" "now she's 4, she's a complete monster" etc etc

I found 18months to 2.5 tough with both of mine. As PP have said , they are very active at this stage but with little understanding of what they are doing/are allowed to do. Having said that, there are stil many joys in the stage too! The toddler giggles, learning to talk, cuddled, ridiculous tantrums… It’s tough but you’ll get through, a day at a time.

I think everyone has an age/stage they enjoy most and each new age/stage brings different issues.

My children are now 4 and 7. I love this stage. Yes, some parts are still tough but at least they now sleep! They can tell me when they are hungry, go to the toilet independently, play in a room safely without me,happily be left with relatives if we go out etc.

All children are different but my experience was -
easiest - hardest
5-10years
11-13 years
3-4 years
16-18 years
0-1 years
2-3 years
13-16 years

They’re all different and there are lots of phases. If you have more than one there is usually one child who is in quite a good place and another who is, erm, being challenging.

They are challenging for different reasons too. A baby has a sleep regression and you can be up and down all night. However they are not trying to upset you they are just very little.

A 15 year old will not keep you up all night. But they might be extremely rude and dismissive when you have tried your very best to help them or do something for them. That can hurt!

I’m finding all of it great. Since day one. Yes, we lived through the newborn stage, brutal BF, sleep deprivation etc… Luckiky I didn’t suffer any MH problems. DS is hard work at times, but also a good laugh & a bright little thing. My marriage almost imploded… But, I’ve found each stage to be wonderful in it’s own way.

How mobile is your 9 month old? Because my 9.5 month old is sort of walking (he needs my help but moans until I come and help him) and....it's a lot less joyful than it was 3 months ago. He started crawling at 6.5 months and that was the beginning of my happy era. From the second that he opens his eyes, he is on the move and I cannot leave him for a single second. He's figured out that the gigantic expensive playpen is a place where I sometimes leave him (to pee, lol) so he refuses to go in it. He also refuses the high chair and the pram and all he wants to do is explore. Oh, and he can climb, properly climbs up furniture to get things he wants etc.

He also has 8 teeth. Every tooth is a week of pure.sleep deprivation. I get less rest than when he was a newborn. Then he stops teething for a week and sleeps 7-7 and I think "yay" only for him to get another tooth, or a cold, or separation anxiety.

It's super mega cute. But I now realize why people miss the newborn days....

Mine is a very quick crawler now and pulls himself up to standing whenever possible. Bit more challenging than when he wasn’t mobile, but he’s also incredibly cute and more fun to play with, that makes up for it for me. But yesterday I met a friend with a 2.5 year old and she said she’s really miserable…she just finds it too much.

My experience was that at 4 months I struggled omg and I was scared of the future, toddler is now 2years 10months and I’m still waiting for the terrible 2s? It’s an absolute joy! The conversations, the LOVE, unreal I love life at the mo… so much so I’m pregnant !

I think it's a really weird thing to say to you! I think their baseline personality is the most important factor to how difficult they are. My daughter was an easy baby and relatively easy toddler, she just was more independent - happy to sleep and play alone. My son was a nightmare baby and nightmare toddler (super clingy, cried ALL TIME, didn't sleep (and at 7 years old still struggles to get through the night).

They have their ups and downs but they fundamentally stay themselves.

It's so different for everyone.

Every stage has its lovely moments, and its hard things, it just depends how hard the hard bits are for you, if that makes sense. I work with parents and describe it as being like a line of peaks and troughs (you know, like radio waves I guess??), and you all start at a different point and have different ups and downs. Extreme example as obviously we've had a million different stages in between, but my friend had a lovely experience with her newborn, I struggled so badly. Our girls are now doing their GCSEs and I'm mostly loving spending time with DD now, she's a dream, friend is really struggling with her child's behaviour, definitely in the stereotypical "nightmare teen" stage.

Enjoy where you're at and if it starts to be less enjoyable, remember it all will get better eventually.

That sounds so lovely! I kind of want to start trying for number 2, but am holding back because I don’t know whats yet to come.

But you'll never know what's to come! Maybe he'll get to 2, still be a dream, so you get pregnant and he turns into a nightmare threenager plus you have a bigger age gap than you would have wanted. Or he gets a little older and your friend hates having a 4yo so you wait some more???