How do I help 14 month old stop night feeds/sleep independently/quit breastfeeding?

[Janeykat]

I am not sure of my exact question as my brain is frazzled from lack of sleep...
Basically my almost 14 month old is bf to sleep for both naps and bedtime, and usually twice (sometimes more sometimes less at night). I don't know how to stop this, I haven't had a full nights sleep since she's been born.

She had lots of allergies (cmpi, soy intolerance, FPIEs) and weaning was slow, however she is doing much better now and is nearly at the top of the dairy ladder.
I don't mind continuing breastfeeding her if it was a few times a day, or if someone else was able to get her to sleep. I feel like in a way the breastfeeding is now holding her back as she's so reliant on it for sleep. I am back to work part time on Monday and my partner will be taking over on those days, the only way I can see him getting her to sleep will be a drive or walk in the buggy and we also have a 5 year old who will be off school for the summer.

Here is her current schedule:
Wake 7am bf
Breakfast
Nap 1: 10-10.30
Snack
Lunch
Bf and nap 2: 2.30-4
Snack
Dinner
Bf and bed 20.30

I have tried shifting the whole schedule earlier and it doesn't work, she has multiple wake ups if I put her to bed before 8/8.30pm. also tried a one nap schedule and she slept for 2 hours between 11.30-1.30 and went to bed at 7.30 but was then up for the day at 5am :(

I have tried shortening night feeds, not feeding her on some wakes (she gets hysterical and also does if my partner goes in?)

What do I do? I feel like she will bf more at night when I return to work as I will be missing some usual feeds during the day, and I can't cope with that and working at the same time :(

I'm sorry if my ramblings don't make sense. If anyone has any tips/suggestions I would be eternally grateful. I feel bad enough going back to work but thinking that she will be upset/not sleeping makes me feel so much worse :(

It's tough! I have an allergy baby/child who is only reliably sleeping through at almost 5!
You might not want to hear this but unfortunately for us my daughter woke the same amount on breastmilk, formula, oat milk and nothing. Even since I stopped breastfeeding she only accepts me overnight. It has been exhausting! She has been more receptive to other care givers putting her down for naps and from 7 months to dropping naps just under 3 the most reliable way to get her to nap was long walks in the pram we just leaned into them taking a flask of coffee and podcasts

The things that have made a difference to sleep is identify the true reasons for the wake ups. For my daughter although she was drinking when waking it wasn't the cause of the wake ups so they continued after she stopped feeding overnight. Reflux has been the main reason, needing more physical comfort has been a big part of it too. I think in part because of how much of her life she has been in pain and discomfort she has taken a longer time to learn to settle without touch.
We play mindful sleep playlists through the night which helps loads. The consistent sound means that when she stirs in the night she's more likely to not fully wake so she then goes back to sleep without me by her side.

You could push the change to one nap - tiredness might help - and give a cup of whatever milk you are currently able to with allergies. If you can stay breaking the feed to sleep association in the day, that might be useful at night.

My baby stopped feeding to sleep around 6.5 months, we therefore HAD to work out a different way to settle - basically I sent my DP in with a bottle of formula and after three days, baby decided to drop that 2am wake altogether - not actually hungry, just wanted to play. It had to be him going in, baby would not settle for me without a feed.

If you no longer want to feed to sleep, you may have to accept some short term disruption and sleepless nights and see what happens to night wakes - your milk won't instantly go, you could reintroduce if desperate. My baby is now a similar age. We still get night wakes (mostly before 10pm and after 5am). As feeding to sleep didn't work for us, we spent a lot of time on the shush-pat method and that is still what we use. Gentle head stroke, press teddy bear to baby's face, consistent phrase ('sleep now'), go back out. Works unless baby is cold or teething.