Bedtime routine for 9 year old

[Richtea67]

Hi all, we're trying to encourage increased independence with our (reluctant) 9 y/o at bedtime. Current routine as follows:

7pm Bath
7.20 Downstairs for reading/TV
8pm upstairs for teeth (with me or DH). Lots of faffing at this point with checking for spiders, deciding on books etc, organising squishmallows.
8.15pm in bed reading, drawing or quiet play
8.45 me or DH goes upstairs to tell her to turn off light. Resistance at this point as she is mid chapter in book, not finished drawing etc. We either hang about for a few mins, or go downstairs and back up in a few mins. She gets up again to go to the loo, checks again for spiders.
9pm lights off

She goes to sleep fine once lights are out...but there feels like a lot of up/down stairs on our part and faffing. She's reluctant to be left alone to do any part of this routine...so feels like most of our evening taken up. We also have a toddler bedtime to deal with.

We suspect ASD, and she can be resistant to changing routines.

Really grateful to hear whether this is normal, or what your routines are! Thanks.

Haven't got much advice unfortunately. My daughter is 10 almost 11 and we still have all the faffing around at bed time. What we found helpful was doing no devices and hour before bedtime and doing a family activity together like drawing, colouring, playing a game etc. Also she goes up at 8.30, teeth, toilet and then into bed and then it's time to go to sleep. I have to sit in the room with her for at least 10mins. I mean I'm literally typing this while sitting in her room while she babbles on and on about random stuff 😂🤦🏻‍♀️. We also suspect ADHD with my DD.

Just wanted to share to say you're definitely not alone!🖤

Thank you for your reply. Good to know it's not just us. We will definitely cut the screens down before bed. We're planning to sit down and plan out a new bedtime routine that works better and is more age appropriate. The other thing we've considered is some sort of smart device that gives her prompts, so she's not so reliant on us...not sure if that'll work as she's always been resistant to timers as they 'add roo much pressure' in her words.

After the bath, she should brush her teeth right away and change into pyjamas in the bathroom.

Take her directly to her room—completely skip the living room—and let her play alone there for half an hour. This will give her time to explore, look after spiders, choose books, and so on. Tell her to go to the toilet before she gets into bed.
Then, read her a story. Make sure she is already in bed at this point and does not leave.
Turn off the lights after the story.

It's also took me some time to realise that going from living room to their own room and expecting them to go straight to bed is impossible! Give her more time in her room.

Following with interest re. my 8 year old. I wonder how much of this stuff should be independent. I turn lights off when I leave the room though, as she listens to audio books so doesn't need light for that.

Are you only in the room with her from 8 - 8:15? And then it's up/down? Could you maybe put her lights on an automatic timer so that they just go off at 9, so there's no arguing etc? And make sure she has a clock visible to her so she can see how much time she has left?