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Parenting

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Original poster

Made no friends on maternity leave

18 replies

Babynomates · 11/06/2025 14:42

My baby’s first birthday is coming up and I feel guilty for not planning a party.
My oldest had a big party with lots of baby friends and I’m very lucky years later to still be in contact with almost all of them and really found my people. My oldest is very close to some of the children and few of them will be starting school together soon.
I feel sad for my baby that they don’t have that. I think I assumed I’d just join the same groups and make friends. I knew I was lucky before but didn’t truly appreciate how fortunate I was.
I’ve made one friend this time, but her child was a bit older and she’s gone back to work now and I just feel a bit lonely. I have paid for baby classes and everyone seems to have gone with a friend, there’s a WhatsApp group for one group and I’ve suggested doing something after/during the week and people don’t reply. It makes me feel sad, I just wish I had the same experience as last time. I really struggled adjusting to two, so didn’t get out for a bit, cried a lot and thought I might have pnd at one point, but I’m fine now. But now I feel like there’s only one term left now to make friends, and then that’s it. The whole summer with nothing to do and then back to work. I love maternity leave last time, it was so much easier and far more enjoyable when I just had the one.

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StretchyPants1988 · 11/06/2025 14:46

I think you were exceedingly lucky the first time. I made "friends" at baby groups but honestly, once our babies were over 6 months, I barely saw them as we didn't have anything in common really so nothing to talk about beyond the newborn trenches, sleep training etc.

I do sympathise with the loneliness. My friends all work full time, SAHM just isn't a thing in my social circles, so I was on my own during mat leave a lot of the time.

Original poster

Babynomates · 11/06/2025 14:57

I think that’s it, it’s all felt a bit forced as I’ve not had anything in common with people I’ve met. It feels SO lonely, my friends also aren’t SAHMs. Just grateful my partner works from home so I have someone to speak to at lunchtimes.

OP posts:

StretchyPants1988 · 11/06/2025 16:22

I had to go back to work at 7 months (which I never thought I would have to do), so it's all swings and roundabouts, in that none of us get that ideal time we think we will....my baby didn't sleep the first 5 months either, so my MH was on the floor. And he doesn't love being in the pram longer than 30 minutes since he started crawling (at 6 months (!!!)) so I never got to do those lovely long walks/museums/whatever stuff I imagined I would do.

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pimplebum · 11/06/2025 16:25

I met lots of lovely people but no lasting friends you were v lucky , second time was Covid

can you not invite the first crew to the babies party ?

AnotherEmily · 11/06/2025 16:31

I was the same with my first - so lonely. Eventually found a friend by shopping around, playgroup-wise. Met another randomly at a science museum.

Try some other groups or just take your baby out to new places - you never know who you might get chatting to. I found standard play groups better than paid activities for making friends.

Gloschick · 11/06/2025 17:05

Can't you just have the friends from first time round? Have those friends not gone on to have second babies as well?

Original poster

Babynomates · 11/06/2025 23:48

AnotherEmily · 11/06/2025 16:31

I was the same with my first - so lonely. Eventually found a friend by shopping around, playgroup-wise. Met another randomly at a science museum.

Try some other groups or just take your baby out to new places - you never know who you might get chatting to. I found standard play groups better than paid activities for making friends.

Edited

There are a couple of localish playgroups I could try. I didn’t try them before, but I’ll try to get to them before the summer holidays.

OP posts:

Original poster

Babynomates · 11/06/2025 23:53

Gloschick · 11/06/2025 17:05

Can't you just have the friends from first time round? Have those friends not gone on to have second babies as well?

One did but has moved away, but that’s it. Most were already on their second or third, and a few one and done and a couple now separated.

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Original poster

Babynomates · 11/06/2025 23:55

AnotherEmily · 11/06/2025 16:31

I was the same with my first - so lonely. Eventually found a friend by shopping around, playgroup-wise. Met another randomly at a science museum.

Try some other groups or just take your baby out to new places - you never know who you might get chatting to. I found standard play groups better than paid activities for making friends.

Edited

I’ll definitely follow this advice anyway, I think I feel a bit burnt out too so a more local group is probably better than something I’m driving to.

OP posts:

Lotsalotsagiggles · 12/06/2025 00:15

Peanut app is grsat for this kinda thing

Met two mums from it ans still see them regularly after 3 years

Eggplanting · 12/06/2025 00:23

I think I’d focus on having been lucky first time around rather than not making friends during your second mat leave. My NCT group all hated one another on sight.

Original poster

Babynomates · 12/06/2025 11:41

I should try peanut, I just feel a bit awkward, I’ve lost a lot of confidence I guess. My NCT group also didn’t click, I kept in touch with one. Another is due soon, but hardly saw her last mat leave but said we’d meet up but can’t see we’d keep in touch after so it seems a bit pointless but better than nothing.

OP posts:

fiorentina · 12/06/2025 11:44

I think often this is the case with second children. They go along to a lot of the older DC activities.
Are you wanting friends for you or for your DC. If they start nursery they will make friends before school and you may find more parent friends there?

andonandonandonand · 12/06/2025 11:58

Eggplanting · 12/06/2025 00:23

I think I’d focus on having been lucky first time around rather than not making friends during your second mat leave. My NCT group all hated one another on sight.

All hated each other on sight?! Sounds rough!

andonandonandonand · 12/06/2025 12:06

No suggestions except solidarity. I was surprised how few friends I made on mat leave.

Katherina198819 · 12/06/2025 15:01

Never made any friends (2 kids), and my god, I definitely tried! Baby groups, soft play, Peanut app... I even started a thread here.

But people would rather sit on the sofa and scroll through social media than go out for a coffee with another mum.
We’re living in times where we’re more connected than ever, yet somehow the loneliest.
Sad times.
Be glad you made friends first time around- I don't know anyone who has the same experience.

PaxAeterna · 12/06/2025 18:35

I think that is normal. I have a mum friends but all from my first when I was out doing baby yoga, baby massage, meeting people for lunch. My next two maternity leaves were mostly just me in my house trying to not loose my mind with the toddler/baby dynamic. My third was just dragged around to the places the older kids just needed to go. They definitely didn’t have baby friends.

Luckily my first crew had 2nd babies around the same time. But I do think your experience is fairly normal.

MammaDia · 12/06/2025 19:33

We moved to a new area just before rhe pandemic and then I got pregnant.

I've been a SAHM for nearly 5 years now and haven't made any friends. I do everything on my own - I'm always the only mum not in a group or with a friend/family on days out. The days are long and it's mentally quite tough on my own entertaining a pre schooler but I'm used to it now.

I tried every group and class going, tried peanut but nothing clicked with other mums. I've never had problems making friends before so no idea why it's not happened but it hasn't. My little boy has made friends at pre school so I've been in touch with the mums but we're not friends.

It's an odd time of life but as long as my son is happy, it's OK. Once they start school it'll be a totally different ball game all round (I'm telling myself!)

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