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What's going on with my now five year old?

2 replies

KrankyKracken · 10/06/2025 16:44

My 5 year old DS has always been quite sensitive, prone to tantrums as a 2/3 year old and can be a bit whingy/stroppy as he has got older. But on the whole with good routines and firm boundaries he is fine and manageable and I can see things generally improving as he gets older. Mostly his behaviour seems in line with a lot of other five year olds I know.

However, about twice a year for the last few years he has phases usually lasting about 4 weeks where his behaviour really escalates and he becomes so hard to manage. We are in one of these phases at the moment and it's been really difficult. He keeps getting really upset about all sorts, shouting at his big sister. It seems to build over a few days and then he has a huge meltdown (and it does feel like a meltdown rather than a tantrum, it feels really like he is out of control). It always seems to be over the most unpredictable of things but not normally tantrumming that we have said no to something. For example, on Sunday he nearly missed his best friend's party because about an hour before we were due to go he wanted to pop in the shower and I asked him if he wanted a wee first. He couldn't decide if he did or not and then absolutely lost it, was half undressed screaming hysterically. I couldn't comfort him or do anything to help. It was awful for about 40 minutes and then as quickly as it started, he calmed down and was fine. I have also found he is finding it much harder to fall asleep than usual, seems almost buzzing at bedtime but also very volatile.

Sometimes these phases are potentially related to things going on in his life. The last time we had a phase like this he was just starting reception so it made sense. This time it seems really random and I can't link it to anything

At the moment I am just hoping this phase ends as quick as possible, but in the meantime wondering what on earth causes it. Could it be some kind of development thing like when they are a baby? Or related to something causing anxiety, I just haven't realised what it is this time? Or could it be related to some kind of ND? His meltdowns are so intense I would really be considering this as a possibility, but then why is he OK the rest of the time?

Any one got any thoughts? Or have a child who has also done this? I'm really hoping as he gets older these phases will be more manageable (at least until he is a teenager!).

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Catopia · 10/06/2025 17:36

I wonder if things are happening in school to prepare them for more formal learning in yr1?

May be growing and/or processing learning and need more sleep? If is buzzing at bedtime, is he overtired by bedtime at the moment? Does getting him ready a bit earlier and having winddown time in bed make any difference?

KrankyKracken · 10/06/2025 22:01

Yes you're possibly right, he mentioned a few weeks ago before this started that the teachers keep stopping them play to make them do work. He hasn't really mentioned it since but it could have an impact on him.

I have moved his bed time right forward, but he spends so long getting to sleep at the moment he's basically going to sleep at the same time anyway. So I can't work out if he isn't tired when I'm putting him to bed, or if he's just really fighting it.

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