Need some advice

[Midsmum1]

Right basically I live in a three bedroom house two very small single rooms one double room. My daughter who is 25 lives in one of the small bedrooms my other sons have to share the other small bedroom. I’m spoke to the council as the small bedroom can only sleep one person in there so both the brothers shouldn’t really be sharing the small room because it’s too small for 2 to share. One of them is 15 other is 11. They don’t get on and the 15 year-old wants his own space he struggles sleeping in the same room as his brother so tends to sleep on the sofa now. I spoke to the council about maybe getting a bigger house or some advice around how to sleep everyone in the house with the room sizes they suggested that either I take the smallest room the two brothers share the big room or one of the children, for example, the youngest child shares the bedroom with me and then the 15 year-old gets his own room or my daughter has to move out so the kids can have a room each. The youngest child is currently under investigation for ADHD and autism. So he also struggles to cope sharing the tiny bedroom with his brother I suggested to my daughter about moving out. And I feel really really guilty and it’s making me feel low, basically forcing someone out that’s your family. I think it feels different when they approach you about them wanting to move out but knowing your approaching them suggesting that they should maybe look at finding themselves somewhere to live but I don’t think she had any intention of moving for years and years, so I feel terrible. So I’m just trying to get some advice on what the people would do in this situation as I don’t have no one to ask. Please can I get some nice advice please don’t be nasty towards me.

I know someone that was in a similar situation. She was living in her mam’s house with her two sons. She got her own council house and moved out. Can she go on the list for a council house of her own? The best option would be for her to get her own place so that your sons can have their own room

Thanks so much for replying and being kind as was worried, people would be mean. I keep crying I just feel really guilty basically to be pushing my daughter out just makes you feel like a nasty person cause I don’t think she feels ready to move out where we live the waiting list is massive years so I don’t think she’d ever get one through the council. Just feel so wrong asking her to move out. But I understand my 15-year-old wants his own space. I hope the council would’ve offered some more advice but I suppose what they said is true. My 11-year-old would happily share a room with me. It wouldn’t bother him but again that don’t feel right either just not sure what I’m supposed to do.

Option 1 DD moves out and boys have room each. At 25 she really needs to start thinking about moving out.

Option 2 DS share bigger bedroom and you google 'hacks' to separate the bedroom room dividers as such and you take a small too.

Option 3 create an 'additional space' downstairs if possible for DD.

She defo had no intention of moving out that is why I feel so bad about it. The two brothers always fight so I try and keep them separate as much as possible as it comes to blows as they are so different from each other they clash. So them sharing doesn’t seem a option sadly. That is why my older boy uses the living room. It’s a small new build so no dining room for example that I could of used as a room.as it’s a new build even the double room is small so no way of dividing and both having space.. i’m trying to do a swap to maybe a bigger bedroom house so then that they would just have to share, but no one wants to swap with me because the two back bedrooms are that small

Yes, unfortunately the obvious solution is that your DD moves out and begins to make her own way. Unless she has additional needs, I don't think it's unreasonable for her to begin that process, but I do understand how hard it is to be able to afford rent. Is there any way you could offer to help her with a deposit if she found a good room in a house-share, perhaps?

Alternatively, if you moved into your boys' single room, is the double big enough to be temporarily subdivided so it feels like the brothers have their own space? There are lots of nifty ideas for this online. You don't even need to put up walls - it can be a matter of the right furniture arranged in the right way.

See this thread for ideas: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4443414-shared-bedroom

I’m a single parent and no money myself so I can’t help her financially that way. She works full time herself. Sadly as it’s a new build the double bedroom is also tiny so can’t divide it and have any room it’s woukd be a bed only each in there and nothing else. New builds are lovely but so small

Hopefully no one will be mean! Personally, I would have a sofa bed for me in the living room, give the boys a small room each.this DD working? I'm not your average Mumsnetter,we had a couple of rooms when we first got married, then a caravan,a metal box not a fancy park home like today,so I am used to living in clever small spaces. Hopefully you can get a swap.

Yes she is working she works full time and the sofa is a few months old so don’t really want to get rid of it as never can get anywhere near what pay for stuff second hand.

No advice really but just wanted to say that sounds a really hard situation so be kind to yourself.

It’s less than perfect but could you and your daughter share a room with bunkbeds? It’s an important time for the boys, esp the 15yo.

Sending kind thoughts your way.