Dreading my partner going back to work

[enchanted1221]

I had my first baby 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I’m struggling with my mental health and I’m under the Perinatal Team. We ended up calling out of hours crisis team yesterday because I just felt so low and overwhelmed, constant crying. My partner is going back to work tomorrow after a month off. He will be gone for around 12 hours a day minimum - he’s in the police so if he gets caught on a job he can also be off late. I am finding the idea of it so so daunting. We’ve pretty much been sharing the feeds etc 50/50 and I’ve had a lot of opportunities to go and have a lay down during the day etc which I won’t get when he’s gone. I just do not know how I’m going to cope physically and mentally and I am just so terrified :(

Any words of encouragement / stories of how you manage when your partner is at work greatly welcomed x

Buy the premade cartons of baby formula
Best money I ever spent

My husband did long shifts when we had our baby and my one word of advice is make (or get him) to make you up a packed lunch as I really struggled to eat the first few times he was out all day as I prioritised sleeping when baby napped!

You’ll soon get in your groove though and find your own routine!!

I was there almost 8 years ago and I can still feel how terrifying it all was. I've only got one child as a result. I was under perinatal mental health, called the crisis team more than once, thought someone should take my baby away and find her a better mummy... I did talk to my GP and got put on citalopram which I think helped, but was also referred urgently for counselling through Talking Therapies. I was very fortunate that my mum came and stayed for a few days at a time to help, and when she wasn't there my church family stepped in and made sure I had someone I could phone or see in person each day, before I was able to get out to any groups or anything. Home Start are a great organisation - your health visitor can refer you and they have volunteers who can come to visit you each week if you don't have much support. I went to a group they ran specifically for mums with PND/ PNA which was good - it was ok to be a mess there as we were all struggling. Actually most people struggle more than you think, it's just some are very good at putting up a front! This gave me the confidence to go to other groups, and they did really help my mental health, even just being somewhere other than at home. Churches often run lovely groups with caring volunteers who are happy to be a listening ear. I now run a baby group and am so honoured to be able to use my experience to help others. But if you'd told me that then I wouldn't have believed you! The first few weeks and months are purely about survival, and anyone who says to enjoy or cherish it can get in the bin! Add mental health challenges on top of that and it's so hard. But I promise it will get better and you can get through it. Please feel free to PM me if you like 💐 Xx

I could have written this myself a few weeks ago too and so sorry youre going through this - its TOUGH. My partner is also a police officer and is gone for at least 12 hours a day with a mix of days, lates and nights. I was the same as you - constant crying and didn't know how I could ever be left my myself with the baby. I have no family close and very little support network where we live. I am now under the perinatal MH team and they were very quick to offer various support options after the initial cry for help, but the biggest thing that helped me was sertraline and within a few weeks I felt like a new person. I'm not saying medication is the right solution for everyone but it's given me a baseline to function day to day, actually feel like myself and enjoy life with a newborn. Day by day things got better and now some days I even prefer when it's just the two of us!! I'm not sure if youre breast feeding or formula? I'm formula feeding which made the days more predictable and I could split it into chunks and get out for a walk / do something in between feeds if I can (harder when nap trapped in those early days!!).

If you fancy a chat, please feel free to send me a private message. Life with a partner who is gone a lot with a little baby is so hard especially in those early few weeks. I promise it will get easier even if it doesn't feel like it now!!

I definitely felt the same, I was soooo emotional when my partner when back to work and with his commute he was out of the house for around 13 hours.
It honestly does get better! You find a rhythm and routine. Try and arrange a few visitors to come over and keep you company (my sister and mum booked half days so I would have company one afternoon a week), I found getting out for a daily walk helped and when I got confident going out on my own I joined some baby classes and met some lovely mums that I spent a lot of my maternity leave with.

As a Mum of 4 in the 90s and now a Nanny to 2 little girls, I absolutely feel for you. I was lucky enough to have nine (yes, nine!!) years at home with my babies, which I loved, but I had those moments of dread when my husband was going back to work, especially after I had caesareans and one of our children was very special needs.
So much great advice on here. Just do whatever it takes to get through the day. This time will not last forever. xx
It’s still early days.
My advice … Use FaceTime to connect with your family, friends and your husband when he’s on his breaks, pop little one into the pram and get out into the sunshine, don’t bother getting dressed, put the telly on…You got this, Mama. Sending you lots of love xx

Oh OP, I never post here, but I just wanted to say, you will manage tomorrow. You’ll manage all the other days too, but you’ll know you can do it by then. You might feel like you’re at rock bottom though, so please keep talking to your team. I know people say “join a group” because it worked for them, and groups are important for many people, but, I can’t state this strongly enough, It. Does. Not. Matter. If they are a bridge too far right now. Try something like going to the weighing clinic. Do get outside / touch grass for a moment every day if you can, that bit of advice is excellent. Your partner needs to be at the top of his game now, and please keep talking x

Hi @enchanted1221 just been wondering how you're getting on ❤️ Hope it's not been as bad as you were anticipating 💐

I never suffered with PND however one thing I used to do was do my self care before DH went to work. So I would shower, go for a walk and get our bag ready for the day. Even if we didn't get out I'd taken a little bit of care for me. I appreciate your DH will be doing shifts (mine would work away for a week at a time) was to pop baby in the car seat in the bathroom and then shower. I would also eat a lot of cold meals such as salad or picky bits. I could then eat these at any time or just pick throughout the day. DH had a nice routine on his days off where he would take baby for a walk, get them to sleep and stop at the local for one pint and lunch. Gave me a couple of hours which made all the difference.

In time you will find a routine, might not happen for a while. We used to always go for a walk around 9.15 before the morning nap or a class. In the afternoon we'd just chill singing songs or playing with the mat.

I'm pretty sure you need to add hot water to formula to kill any bacteria in the formula, boiling water is not about the water being sterile..
You do have to add the formula to hot water to kill the bacteria in the formula.

You have to add the formula to hot water to kill the bacteria in the formula. The water has to be at least 70 degrees