Newish mum of 2. Still struggling to do anything!

[JustThe4ofUss]

My youngest was born 6 months ago. He's bloody gorgeous and has completed us. My 3 year old loves him and overall I am so so happy.

However I'm struggling so badly with the logistics of having 2 children. I'm always late for the preschool drop off (this makes me feel so shit, I try so hard but always end up being 10-15 mins late every single day for one reason or another.)

I don't manage to get out the house on my own with them both without my husband. This one is super hard for me as with my daughter I was out more times than I was in. It helped me so much in my postpartum recovery and I feel like I'm drowning a bit this time.

The house is always upside down (clean but not tidy! 😭) this plays havoc with my mind. But I can't seem to get anything done until my husband gets home. Then we tag team the house during the baby's nap haha.. he's amazing but I feel awful on him as he works all day then has to come home and help me!

Anyway you get the jist, is it just me struggling or is everyone else fine?! Why am I finding having 2 so hard even after 6 months 🥲 I feel like a rubbish mum even though I know I'm not. I try so hard but feel like a hot mess 24/7.

Lastly any tips to help? I just want to get out the house at a reasonable time and take my babies on a nice day out on my own!!

How big is your day bag? I bought a large backpack aimed at parents because there was one day where I left the car so many times to get last minute items that I cried in frustration. It's a huge bag but has everything in it and I routinely repack it. Changes of clothes, medicines, thermometer, snacks, toys, colouring book, nappies etc. it was a game changer. Put snacks in that will last and lots of them so you don't run out too quickly.

Pack lunches and top up your big bag the night before any big trips or the preschool run.

Plan to go out with a mum friend regularly as it makes you get out of the house rather than getting distracted.

Get your toddler to tidy up with you before getting the next toy out.

Always add on an extra 15 minutes of time in the morning plan to get out of the house - I totally underestimate how long it takes me to do last minute things with my two.

When mine napped I would prep dinner in that time and then tip it all into the pan to cook when we needed to eat. It meant I could hold the baby whilst cooking or at least put them on the floor for a few minutes to stir dinner instead of having to chop with them upset.

Can you afford a cleaner?

Buying more water bottles for my dc really helped - I'm not scrabbling around for the only one in the house now. It's little things like this that have made a big difference.

Mine are 2 and 4. I share so much of how you feel. Look at what small changes you can make. It all adds up to helping you feel that you can make the day go more smoothly.

Hi OP, I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old and can totally relate to everything you’ve said. It’s really, really hard. I felt so organised and at ease with one child but two is a different ball game. Almost everyone I spoke to found 0-1 harder than 1-2 which made me feel useless!
I get my toddler to ‘help’ with things like putting the washing out and emptying the dishwasher when the baby naps etc. and as the previous poster said, having your bag packed the night before really helps.
In all honesty I’ve had to get firmer with my toddler when we’re on a schedule and quite often someone is crying otherwise I’d never get out.
Have a good declutter of toys if you haven’t already. I try to only have a manageable amount visible at any time as otherwise it makes me feel like my head will explode when they’re all over the floor and my toddler insists that I must not tidy up!
Ultimately as in love with them as I am, I do feel like every day I’m living on a hamster wheel 😂 let’s hope it gets easier!

This is a super tough stage. If you’re just managing at all you’re doing well. It will get a lot easier! Completely fair and usual to tidy once there is two of you, also get a cleaner for a year if there is any way you can afford it. Does it really matter if you’re late for preschool? Surely with that young a baby people will be able to tell you’re adjusting to having two. Cut yourself some slack, tell yourself what you’re doing well.
For me I would concentrate on trying to get out, for everyone’s benefit. Can you pick an easy outing like taking your 3 yr old to an enclosed playground nearby with your baby in the buggy? Can you walk out of the house anywhere? Mine are 6 and 4 now (you have years of pleasure ahead of you watching them become siblings) but I still recall the tiny walks we used to do (somewhere safe) so that my toddler could meander alongside the buggy and I could take some deep breaths outside.
best of luck!

How much does your husband help in the morning? This was the only thing that works for me. We get up early and he does breakfast/ gets them dressed and gets the bags ready while I shower and get ready myself then we get out the door at 8.15 so he has time to shower etc before work, appreciate this may not be possible if he has to leave early

i have a 7 month old and a 3 year old too.

Why do you think your DH’s time at work is busier or harder than the time you are spending looking after a baby?

It is hard, but it will gradually get easier and you’ll get used to the juggle.

Mine are almost 4, almost 2 and 8 weeks. I think the key for me is making sure I’m ready in the morning. We all get up, husband showers and we get the big two clean and ready, then he takes them downstairs to start breakfast whilst I have a super quick shower and get ready with the baby. If I miss this window, I swear the day unravels!

I also have a drawstring “kit bag” for each of them with spare clothes/nappies for the younger two. I re-stock them in the evenings and they are by the front door to grab when we are heading out. Rucksack always has baseline items like suncream and umbrella and wipes.

I always add at least an extra 15 minutes to the time I expect something to take, so that we aren’t late (especially to pre-school or appointments for the children).

I am eternally indebted to the sling for keeping my hands free and life intact! 😂

I have 2.5y age gap, mine are 4 and 2 now. It DOES get more manageable I promise 🫶

Things that make life manageable for me:

• shower in the evening before I go to bed. It makes mornings SO much quicker. It also gives me longer to actually relax in the shower because of not rushing which ultimately helps everyone, and there's no children peering in the shower door 😂
• have a day bag packed, separated into a baby change bag, a toddler change bag and a snack bag for easy access, ready under the buggy. Then it's a case of trapping the youngest in the buggy and off you go!
• telling toddler the plan for the next day, in advance. Gets them excited to get involved with the day from the get go. As soon as you get them up, "We're going to the park today, I'm so excited to push you on the swings!" Don't hang about.
• if trying to get somewhere 'on time' start limbering up at least 30mins before. Being early is better than being late.
• keep everyone topped up with snacks.
• get the toddler involved with the chores, give them jobs to do alongside you e.g. while you're dusting, give the toddler a wet wipe to do the skirting boards.

Ultimately accept that you're in a tricky stage and just roll with it. It won't last forever.

Clean house but not tidied is normal.

What does your morning routine look like? I used to get up and ready while my husband held the baby. It was the only to get out the house on time. Baby just needs milk and a nappy change for the school run, changing out of PJ’s isn’t necessary. I always need a morning time with what time everything happens.

@underhedges intrigued by this day bag. Could you possibly share a link please? Due my second in July but feel like I'm still not packing particularly light with my first so sounds ideal.

I could have written your post at the same stage!

Everyone said that 0-1 was harder than 1-2, yet here I was finding 1-2 significantly harder. Then again my DD was a fairly easy baby and a very easy going toddler. DS on the other hand.... whoo boy what a shock to the system he's been.... is a whole other ballgame.... There's a 2.5 year age gap between my two, and I was still a hot mess for a couple more months yet.

I think the only thing that helped was getting out and about. It might take forever the first few times, but once you've done it once you can do it again. Prepare for it the night before by making sure the bag is ready, and having day outfits out on the floor ready to change into after breakfast.

Accepting that the house was always going to be a mess helped too. So long as the kitchen was clean, and everyone had clean clothes was enough. Once DS stopped being reliant on me for entertainment (and boob!) I could work on getting more done.

I can't say when things got easier, as it was very much a gradual process, but my two are 5 and 3 now and life is so much better than it was 2 years ago.

I’m in the same position so solidarity!
For those who say it gets easier, what age was the youngest when it got easier?

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all the replies. Lots of helpful stuff I'm definitely going to do! Tonight I've packed the changing bag, done the packed lunch and layed out clothes for us all! I've also brought my toddlers toothbrush and paste downstairs (silly but baby always kicks off when I leave the room so hoping this will tick one meltdown off the list hahah).

Tomorrow's plan, I'm hoping to get to preschool on time. But thank you to the poster who said it's not the worst thing in the world, because it truly isn't. Our pre school is amazing and genuinely do not judge! that's just a me thing! Then me and baby are going to attempt to get to m&s for a coffee and breakfast. I have some vouchers to spend for him too so that should be nice.

I think I'm just fully in the trenches, baby boy is teething, my little girl is going through her no phase 🥲😂 and I think surely the only way from here is up! I hope!

Overall, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I guess caring about it all the way we do just reflects how much we love our kiddos, and we probably need to be a bit kinder to ourselves ❤️

I'll report back if it's a successful day! Wish me luck 🍀

@underhedges also, thank you for this! I defo need a bigger changing bag! I have a rucksack one but surprisingly it doesn't fit that much in it. On the hunt for a new one (let's face it, with 2 you pretty much need a suitcase 🤣) thank you!

@Timeforyetanothernamechange@JustThe4ofUssthe backpack is made by a brand called Ruvalino. I agree with you about pretty much packing a suitcase, I reckon my bag is just short of passports to cover every possibility 😂. There's a thin section at the front of the bag that keeps A4 paper flat so I use that for my craft section, inside pockets for my phone charger etc. I have a separate mini bag I keep inside with calpol and syringe, plasters and tablets for me. I had a number of hospital stays with my youngest when he was under a year so I kept toothbrushes in there too at that point.

With my first I was so excited to get the bag that matched the pushchair but it was tiny and so impractical. This one has been used every day for nearly two years and is still in great condition.

My two are 2 years and 3 months apart. It sounds like you're doing a great job. It does get easier to get out.

I flapped and floundered until about 18 months in, sorry. Then it got worse again when we Potty trained, now it is more under control, little one is 2.5 celebrate the day last week I got to school before the gates open....maybe spring time is the reason, less coats to get on.... but eldest will cry potentially being late now, so damage is done for stressful mornings...

Some good advice on this thread! I’m another one who found going from 1-2 so much harder! We have just under 2 years age gap and DC and now 1 and almost 2. I think getting out and about started to become gradually easier from 6 months onwards but to be honest I still have days where I just can’t face it. Once we make it out though, I think we all usually feel better for it.

As a PP said, being a little late to preschool is fine, don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m almost always late doing the nursery drop off and we won’t be the only ones! I find it helps to get the DC dressed as soon as they get up and brush teeth as well before we even go downstairs. We’re doing the nappy change/toileting anyway so it makes sense not to button back into pyjamas! If we go downstairs in pyjamas and come back afterwards to get ready, the whole morning takes forever. Even better if I get up before them and quickly shower and dress so we’re basically all ready for the day after breakfast.