Do I force my 8 year old to contact his dad

[Paige24618]

I’ve been in a predicament with my sons dad recently, he cut my son off for a year and then came back said he will do better starts having once a fortnight and whatnot , he use to call and text him throughout the two weeks now he’s radio silent and picks him up every two weeks, I tried to explain my son is loosing interest so to speak about seeing his dad as he’s not really making an effort to talk to him , he’s and he’s family response is I should get my son to call he’s dad and it’s not all down to his dad to keep the contact. Obviously I’ve encouraged it but also made a point he’s 8 and I don’t think that’s okay which got all their backs up and now I feel like a horrible person, can someone please shed some light ?

thank you

It's 100% on his dad!

Your boy is 8 years old - a young child.
His father and his family are fuckers.
Keep your son well away from the toxic shitshow.

it’s not all down to his dad to keep the contact.
it literally is.

ex and his family aren’t taking any accountability, ex has abandoned his child before and clearly hasn’t changed. I wouldn’t bother teaching ds to keep trying to convince someone to show interest in him. Ds deserves better than being taught to be grateful for the very very bare minimum of parenting.

His dad sounds like a complete cockwomble.

Thank you! Making me feel like I’m the issue constantly and I’m only trying to keep the contact

Thank god I don’t feel so shitty now

Parental contact at that age is the responsibility of the parents, not the child. If his family want to be in contact, they should do the contacting.

Completely get this , I push my son at times when he doesn’t want to I try to keep everyone happy but dads now at a point he keeps expecting his son to contact him

Seems like he's heading towards dropping your son again. Put your energy into building up your son's self esteem for the inevitable ditching. The ex isn't worth a second of your time.

Agree with others. Put all your energy into protecting your child’s self esteem and mental and emotional wellbeing.

Your ex is not a proper dad. He's a poor excuse of a "man". Shield your son as much as you can.

Your son not contacting him is a convenient excuse for this deadbeat. The other variation that crap parents use is the ex forbidding their child from contacting them. Of course he should be the one to contact ds.
Maybe this excuse is another reason to drift away from ds.
Anyway continue trying to shield him from his dad’s bollocks.

it’s not all down to his dad to keep the contact.

Er... it LITERALLY is down to his dad.

Why do you think an 8 yr child is responsible for maintaining a relationship with an adult?

I'd tell him this is 💯 on him for being such a deadbeat, children innately.love their parents. His negligent parenting has damaged that and if he wants.it to look different he needs to change it.

To have a good relationship he needs to consistently be present in his sons life. If he is too lazy and selfish to start doing that consistently then, somewhat inevitably his son wont be interested either because he isnt a toy to be put in a cupboard and pulled out when his father fancies it. He is a person with feelings and needs.

Its also fucking pathetic that your ex wants to try and set this up so he peddle the "well he doesnt contact me either!" Line about his 8 yr old child. Utterly pathetic.

Your 8 year old child should not be exposed to people who expect him to do some kind of 'pick me dance' in order to keep his feckless fathers attention. He's 8.

You are doing the right thing, OP - this is his 'fathers' problem and NOT your responsibility.

Ha! ExH told me it was my "job to facilitate his relationship with the children". I told him it really wasn't.

They had their own phones by this point, so could absolutely choose whether to call him. Or not.

They could see him for what he is, and chose wisely.

Absolutely not on yr son. It’s down to his dad.
some crap dads will say anything to put it on the children.
I had this with my kids. Their dad didn’t bother for years on end. And now their adults and says their adults and they should contact him. This got me mad. They wasn’t adults when he didn’t bother.

It’s is absolutely not on your child to initiate contact! And I agree it’s only a matter of time before he goes radio silent again and will justify this by blaming your son.
You don’t have to enter into any discussion about this whatsoever with either him or his family. Just grey rock them. Or send one communication to him and his family saying that his dad is welcome to contact DS by phone/text as often as he likes like he did before and you will encourage him to reply IF he wants to but you won’t be putting any pressure on him and it’s for ex to make the effort to build that relationship. Doing this will give you one last piece of evidence of your reasonableness. Then ignore any communications that aren’t strictly about practical arrangements or sharing important information like health, school events etc….
Boils my blood to hear of parents (usually dads, sorry but it’s true before I get flamed by the feckless dad apologists on here) emotionally abusing their kids like this.

You are not the issue here OP!

His father is the ADULT. It's his responsibility to keep in contact with his child - not the child's or yours.

Agree with others, if the father wants contact then he initiates it. Your son doesn't even have to accept that contact unless he's forced to do it by a court order. Is he?

Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe there are people out there like this. Ex ruined his bond with DS previously and rather than putting double effort in to fix it he’s trying to blame the actual CHILD. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t desperately tragic for DS.
But absolutely do not force DS to maintain a one-sided relationship that he doesn’t want to. We should be raising our children with the self respect to walk away from relationships that are toxic, not to be incessant people pleasers. It sounds like up know this though OP. Save this thread for affirmation when you need it.

He said he would 'do better' - a big part of 'doing better' is proving he is reliable and that is his job not the child's.

Of course it’s up to his Dad to keep the contact! It’s 100% up to Dad. You should not have to do anything to keep the contact up. It is your responsibility to keep your son happy and safe though, he is happy or us his Dad not contacting him making him unhappy?