Is this normal- post partum feelings? Will it pass?

[Areweoutofthewoodsyetgood]

Second baby is 8 weeks, she is lovely and I adore her. We had some fertility issues and she was very, very wanted. DH has been doing his fair share and I have my Mum helping a lot as well. I don't hate the newborn stage and feeding has been fine.

BUT I just feel a bit sad. I feel like I am trapped at home and I'll never go out in the evening again, never go to a fun party or festival or do anything adult again. It's not helping none of my clothes fit and I keep craving sugar. I just feel lonely even when I make a big effort to see people and like I should have a bigger group of friends and having fun, spontaneous summer barbecues and stuff (even though I'm cluster feeding most evenings).

She is my second so I should know she won't need me this much forever but I suppose I got used to a bit of freedom as her older sister is almost 4. It feels hard going back.

I know I'm being really ungrateful and she's great. I do love being a Mum. I feel like when I'm on mat leave I fixate on weird things. Last time it was more intrusive thoughts so this is better but I keep spiralling that I'll be pushing 40, frumpy and leading a really boring life by the time she's no longer really dependent on me .

Please be kind and positive stories would be great.

8-weeks is still so soon after the birth and your hormones will take a while to settle down. The adjustment to being a mother is also huge, and hard to deal with - sleep deprivation, no time to yourself, monotonous days. It is called the 4th trimester for a reason!

It 100% will get easier, slowly but surely. If it doesn't over the next month or two, it might be worth talking to someone about it to check your don't have PPD/PPA (common, happens to more people than you think)!

You are not alone in these feelings!

After my second, I remember writing a list of things I was desperate to do/places I wanted to go and making my husband read it. He was a bit bemused! I just felt so trapped! But I was also loving all the baby snuggles at the same time. The conflicting feelings and crazy hormones are exhausting.

It does all pass. You will go out with friends again (at a time when you feel ready - I turned down lots of invited in the first year despite desperately wanting to go out because I wasn’t actually ready to leave the baby!!)

You will have the brain space and time in the future to think about yourself and if you choose too, exercise etc to feel how you want to feel about yourself.

I most definitely lost myself after both my Biden were born and didn’t quite feel ‘me’ again until they were about 3 years old!

It is the wildest ride! Take it day by day and keeping talking to your loved ones about how you feel.

Aw OP don't worry, it's still such early days. Your body is still healing and I expect you're absolutely shattered, in spite of all the help. Just take a day at a time and be really kind to yourself, there is no "should be doing xyz" with this stage. I got up and charged about far too soon after DD was born and a) it didn't make me feel very well and b) now she's a torpedo of a toddler I sometimes feel a bit sad I didn't just enjoy holding her all day without an elbow/foot in my face.

The weather is supposed to cheer up next week, could you invite a friend round to just sit in your garden (if you have one) for an hour and have a cup of tea and a chat?

You will feel like you again. Hang in there.

No advice but just sending solidarity. I'm only one week in with my second (though unlike you I hate the newborn stage) and I also have a supportive husband, my mum lives round the corner and has made herself on-call for support and also my amazing in-laws too yet I have the exact same feelings as you of not getting time to myself and missing the freedom that comes as they get older. No advice but sending much love ❤️

Thanks for everyone's kind words.

I actually feel a bit better today. I forgot hormones were such a wild ride!

When I felt like this the best advice I had was to give in to it, that it was my resistance that was driving me mad. As soon as I accepted that I was (at this moment in time) most important as a mother, then I started to rebuild my life.
it worked for me.