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How to help your DCs learn to be less greedy and grabby?

6 replies

AnnieKenneyfanclub · 06/06/2025 20:08

On holiday with his week with DS(9) and it’s been a constant battle to manage his expectations. It feels like his enthusiasm for stuff and his love of food has tipped over into grasping and grabby. It’s been relentless and pushed me to my limits a couple of times.

We are parents who use the word ‘no’ when appropriate and the kids are used to not being able to have everything they want and see - we aren’t made of money and they are well used to us having a picnic for lunch to be able to have an ice cream later on or having a big treat on one day and just the park or beach the next. I always thought we had a good balance and the kids understood and went along with it.

Now though DS has turned into the ‘I want’ child. No sooner as he has had one thing he is demanding the next. This afternoon he had ice cream out, then a doughnut before dinner. Yet as soon as dinner was finished he was demanding a pudding and ‘not just a scoop of ice cream but I want to see the adult menu…I want sticky toffee pudding ..’ When he was told no ( no one else having pudding and already well over his sugar intake for the day..) then misery and tears in the cafe…
(Food is a major one but we have also had it for activities/screen time and books/toys/souvenirs everywhere too)

He’s been spoken too several times this trip and normally this is enough - he hates to be told off and is an avid rule follower (possible ASD). I think that he just doesn’t realise he is being rude…

I think we need to sort this out by going through it before the demands start- when he is more receptive to taking other people’s ideas in. To bring it under control before we end up with a scene in public… like him crying cos he can’t have (another) fizzy drink and the wait staff - trying to be helpful- offering him one on the house ( has happened!)

Has anyone had any success with any ‘pre-teach’ strategies around this? Or do I just go for the ‘more you ask the less you get’ strategy and deal with the fallout?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MrsTerryPratchett · 06/06/2025 20:10

Pocket money. Parents pay for X, if you want Y do you have enough.

Half her age per week since she wouldn’t eat the money. So that 9 quid a fortnight for yours. EVERY time, “you would like an ice cream, do you have enough?” You must not tell them how to spend. If it all goes on Roblox and sweets, fine.

Lovelynames123 · 06/06/2025 20:12

One of mine will accept no without question, the other will push her luck. I just continue with the nos and she does accept it. She's 11, I would not be happy if she cried over no pudding, how old is yours?

Eta, sorry just saw he's 9

Olderbeforemytime · 06/06/2025 20:13

You need to set clear consitent expectations. You can have 2 sweet items of food a day. And then when he wanted the doughnut you should have reminded him that it’s a dougnut now or pudding later.

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Imcomingovertoyourplace · 06/06/2025 20:22

I think it’s personality. I agree with pocket money idea

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/06/2025 20:24

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/06/2025 20:10

Pocket money. Parents pay for X, if you want Y do you have enough.

Half her age per week since she wouldn’t eat the money. So that 9 quid a fortnight for yours. EVERY time, “you would like an ice cream, do you have enough?” You must not tell them how to spend. If it all goes on Roblox and sweets, fine.

Should have said, I’m also an ND parent. ADHD in our case so no impulse control or delayed gratification. Pocket money worked wonders. She’s now a (very cheap) saver.

AnnieKenneyfanclub · 06/06/2025 21:00

Yes we do normally have very clear expectations but these have slipped with being away. Pocket money is a great shout- but his older sibling only started getting hers at 10… will have to try an resolve that one

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