Advice on baby’s father not respecting my wishes

[Ginge777]

Hello, I have a 4 month old little girl, I have stressed many times that giving her her the first food/ puree would be done together. As not being together ourselves there will be times we miss out on our child’s firsts due to coparenting dad has her 3 nights a week I have her 4. He has given her porridge without me knowing I found out through social media. He clearly doesn’t respect my wishes as her mother, has anyone had anything similar happen or can offer any advice?
thankyou

I’m sorry OP I can imagine this being really difficult but there’s not really anything you can do unfortunately, it is part of life when separated that you are both going to occasionally miss things, you won’t be sharing firsts etc, all you can do is express your wishes and if he agrees then great.

She’s too young to be eating food unless it’s been okayed by a doctor/ health visitor. Could you maybe schedule a visit and ask him to be there so they can explain that she shouldn’t be eating anything but milk.

I can only imagine how hard this is.

My sister’s ex was like this, his argument would be that you aren’t respecting his wishes. It’s like talking to a brick wall.

Pick your battles but fwiw, I wouldn’t be feeding a 4 month old porridge!

Why do you get to decide?

whst happens when child is with him is up to him, you can’t control that

Because she’s 4 months old and can’t sit up properly yet and shouldn’t be having food, I was waiting until she was ready and we were doing it together. It’s not about me deciding it’s common sense, I respect his wishes why can’t he respect mine.

Honestly he is a brick wall, his way or the high way and no she can’t even sit up yet even the health visitor said to wait till 6 months :(

I’ve invited him to health visitor appointments he doesn’t see why he needs to be there, it’s not been okayed by anyone, it’s very hard I just feel like I have no say over my child atall and this is just the start:(

He's doing this as a way to control you.

It's not so much that he isn't respecting your wishes, but that he's actively doing the opposite, to upset you.

Send him the official guidelines which is 6 months. Explain if he won't abide by the ruling he can take you to court for access. He is risking all sorts of potential health issues with your dc. And mean it.

How did the contact split come about? Are you happy not having her 3 days a week? He sounds awful. Unless a judge decided this arrangement which seems highly unlikely, or it was your idea, I’d stop it.

OP how long has this arrangement been in place? Did a judge ratify it?
It's very unusual for a young baby to be apart from her mother for three nights a week.

There is guidance but lots of parents do start weaning with baby porridge & puree’s at 4 months- they are even advertised as being for 4 months+, no court is going to get on his back about that. It’s a parenting choice, one I didn’t make for my daughter but that he can make for his child if he wants to, just like every other parent who chooses to.

We’ve never been in a relationship, had a massive situationship while I was pregnant. His argument was he wants to be a dad and if I didn’t let him have her on his own from 5 weeks old I was keeping her from his family so I gave in. I wasn’t at first but I’m used to it now and I don’t have anyone else who can give me a break, I would like her more but there’s dads out there who don’t want anything to do with their kids why would I keep one from my child who does. It’s easier to let him have his way it’s a bit like walking on eggshells

It’s easier to let him have his way - it’s a bit like walking on eggshells

It sounds like you're frightened of him @Ginge777

Has he threatened you?

Hes never threatened me, hes just not very nice sometimes. I think hes only done this knowing i wanted to do it together because i blocked him and have gone no contact due to him shouting at me in public and pushing my daughters pram at me and walking off because i was 2 minutes late walking to collect her from the end of my road. Its not so much im scared of him i just dont like confrontation its easier to get on than not

That is abusive behaviour.

I wouldn't really want a man like that looking after my baby. Don't you worry about her when she isn't with you?

Can you tell him that you want to change the arrangement, and go to court?

Is he paying child support?

The NHS is out of date on this. There’s evidence that the advice to leave weaning until 6 months is a large factor in the big increase in allergies. The advice was picked up from the WHO, whose advice was primarily relevant to countries with contaminated water.

I do worry about her, ive just been diagnosed eith postpartum ocd and im worried when eith her everytime she leaves me i worry i will never see her again, hes a good dad he sjust not the nicest to me, i dont feel like i can go to court he has all his family etc who would support him im just me on my own and worry it wouldnt work in my favour.
he doesnt pay child support he gives me money here and there if he knows i dont have any left but when i have my daughter i pay for everything and i live alone and have all that to pay too. Where he has her 3 nights a week i dont feel like i can ask for child support because he nearly has her as much as me

You can and should claim child support.

Also, courts don't look kindly on fathers who take tiny babies away from their mothers.

lawyer up, girl. He's hurting your child.

You need (legal and all other) help.

Pull out all stops to get help for yourself and your child.

These are crucial months for your child's attachment.

The bio-father is, ignorantly, messing things up big time.

This is a bit nuts OP. You can’t be giving a 4 month old solid foods for a start. And why is she spending 3 nights away from you at 4 months old? I’m all for shared custody, but she is far too young to be away from her mother for this length of time.

Like a PP said, lawyer up, but I fear you allowing her to be away from you at 5 weeks old may have set a precedent. I really can’t understand why you didn’t fight this.