Neurodivergent girls

[Pantheon]

I am starting to wonder whether dd 7 could be neurodivergent. Very good at school but can be teary and a perfectionist. We get meltdowns at home I would say every other evening at some point - screaming, crying etc. Often it is when she's tired. But the level of emotional disregulation can be quite alarming. Should I look into this more?

Yep.

Mine was like this at 7. Severe anxiety at 9.

Diagnosed ASD at 16 and adhd at 17

Could be. Took my 7yo to the GP many times with stomach pains. Looking bank it was anxiety. Was diagnosed as AuDHD at 16.

Thank you both for your replies. I will look into it more.

Yes sounds like it could be. My DD a bit older but been through it all.

Or she could be a perfectly normal 7 year old who is a perfectionist. May actually be a personality trait! Teary = sensitive?! Not every less than perfect personality traits needs to be a diagnosis of something. My DD defo isn’t neurodivergent and she’s a little perfectionist.

A perfectly normal 7 year old doesn’t become dysregulated and have a meltdown every night though.

I am a children’s nurse and believe me - some do. OP I’m not saying completely ignore it, but give her a little time to grow up and find herself. If you are still worried in a few years get some help but don’t worry. I am just really fed up of parents forcing diagnosis on their children because they are less than perfect, we see it so much these days x

My ND daughter was exactly as OP describes. If she’d been diagnosed at 7 she wouldn’t have gone into severe burnout in secondary school and became unable to attend school.

An early diagnosis is helpful it’s not forcing anything.

‘Forcing diagnosis’ is a concerning phrase from a HCP. Parents themselves don’t diagnose their children.
Many parents require support with their children’s behaviour. You need them assessed in order to access that (paultry) support. It’s not about labelling them.
OP my daughter was the same and a child psychiatrist has agreed she’s likely on the spectrum. Waiting lists are long so I don’t think there is any harm in querying it with school and GP.

If she were ND there would be a lot more signs.
my eldest is asd/adhd and awful toddler and tantrums.
issues at nursery lots at reception and y1.
Asd there would be sensory issues/rigidity of behaviour or routines/social and communication issues/friend issues. Could be always talking about special interests

adhd could be hitting/biting/difficulty crossing roads etc. Cant concentrate and need instructions repeated. Adhd needs agreement with school there is an issue.

i would say perfectionist is what school say as code for easily upset or frustrated or making errors.
p

i wuod say its possible not to realise what the issues were as in autism but they would be there and school dont necessarily recognise what it is but would notice some issues. (Our school is particularly useless and havent even noticed my one kid never wears pe shoes or school trousers due to sensory issues, she also didnt like carpet time so they let her sit in a chair but didnt realise why.

No NT child living in "normal" circumstances and conditions is having nightly meltdowns. Either they are ND/experiencing some sort of mental health struggles and haven't been diagnosed, or are dealing with stressors/trauma beyond their capabilities to cope. Behaviour is communication. Nobody is reaching genuine meltdown levels of disregulation (not just tantrums) without a cause.

Signed, another children's nurse

Ps. You can't force a diagnosis, they're not being handed out like party favours.

ETA: To answer the OP, there's not enough information in your post to tell, but it's possible. You could ask for a chat with the SENCO about your concerns and see what they say. Even if you take ND out of the picture, if a day at school is causing that level of disregulation, it would be good to identify what might be causing it and find ways to minimise that, independent of any diagnostic pathways

Not necessarily.

My dd got diagnosed at 16. She hid all her signs apart from the anxiety which she couldn’t hide.

Agreed. I think a lot of people overlook masking behaviours. I had a lot of people asserting for years that my children weren’t ND. They’re 16 and 13 now, and both diagnosed.

What do you mean “ADHD needs agreement with school there is an issue”?

I think for a diagnosis of ADHD the behaviour has to be seen in more than one setting eg home and school. So pp means school have to see it too for a diagnosis.

Mum of Asd/ADHD DD and @ArseInTheCoOpWindow and @BunnyRuddington ’s descriptions match my experience too at the same age. We ended up home schooling for a year when she was 7 as she spent all day at school with a bucket as they refused to keep sending her to sick bay, before eventually going to a small private school. Wasn’t diagnosed until 13.

I’d seek an assessment so that you can get support in place for her.

My daughter has a diagnosis with no support from school. In fact, their responses to the paperwork made it seem that there were no struggles for her or symptoms visible at all. However, upon assessment, the panel concluded she did indeed have ADHD.

“As a children’s nurse”. That’s means nothing. You have no expertise in neurodiversity and I would imagine rarely see lots of fit and well children in their home environment or a regujar basis, if at all. If you do come across children who are being described as like that by their parents you have no idea of those children later go on to be diagnosed as neurodivergent. Similarly, if you are seeing sick children who are described as being very tearful all the time, then that is probs my because they are sick. Not because it’s normal for NT 7 year old to have daily meltdowns. Because it isn’t normal.

For an ADHD diagnosis, symptoms of hyperactivity, impulsivity or inattention should:

• meet the diagnostic criteria for hyperkinetic disorder in DSM‑5 or ICD‑11 (but exclusion based on a pervasive developmental disorder or an uncertain time of onset is not recommended) and
• cause at least moderate psychological, social, or educational or occupational impairment based on interview or direct observation in multiple settings and
• be happening often, occurring in 2 or more important settings including social, familial, educational or occupational settings. [2008, amended 2018]

Yes look into it more op, talk to the teacher and senco as well.
Read up on parenting ND children and try things out. You can parent as ND whether they are or not and it can help!
Diagnosis is a long process and must be in place before secondary. As that's when things can really go off the rails.
Good luck and stay strong.

Also the meltdown in the evening can be due to high masking during the day. So watch out for school not noticing much, as it's all coming out at home.

Thank you, everyone. This has been really helpful. I will talk to her teacher.
As a few people have mentioned up thread, if there is something going on, we'd rather get the ball rolling as obviously puberty and secondary school bring extra challenges. She has a stable home, no trauma. Obviously nothing wrong with being sensitive or a perfectionist as long as it doesn't cause any emotional harm or is not a sign of something we're missing.

Also just to add, it's the big emotions at home that we're concerned about. It was just when looking into it more that I saw how high sensitivity and perfectionism can sometimes be signs too.