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Parenting

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Supporting 7 year Old through loss of Dad's GF

3 replies

Disco2022 · 04/06/2025 17:13

My Ex and I share custody of my 7YO DS.
We have him pretty much 50/50.
I have remarried 2 years ago and we have a lovely stable happy house, Ex and his gf live in a house she owns 2 roads away and all in all it's been the sort of co-parenting relationship that you would aim for.

I left Ex because of his drinking (mostly) and all the things that came with that. (There's some posts on here that I did over the years explaining that although I think I have changed username) He cleaned up his act, or so I thought, held down a job and met a nice GF. They dated for over a year before she met DS, and I met her first and we got on, my son loves her (and her dog) and is really happy in both homes.

Anyway it turns out his drinking has taken a turn again (as it always did) not whilst my son is there, but she messaged me a couple of times saying she was thinking of breaking up with him and wanted to talk to me about it as obviously it would affect DS. Talking to her (and I've been so careful to not lead the conversation) is like looking back at myself 6 years ago and I know she is doing the right thing to end it.

She has told him this past weekend, and text me this morning to tell me so that I could prepare to support my son.

He's already got so much going on right now, just about to move from Year 2 into 3, I'm 36 weeks pregnant so he's expecting a sister any day now (but also he's going to be giving up all the only child perks) and now he's going to lose his dad's GF and dog and the home that he thought was safe.

My Ex hasn't told him yet, and I want to prepare for how I can maybe support him through this. I don't know anyone who has been through similar. Does anyone have any experience of how to do this. He is a resilient and astute child who appreciates a straightforward approach, he's lost a grandad and dealt with that well, but I just feel like this comes at such a vulnerable time for him.

Any ideas or suggestions/or books I can read greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Amelie2025 · 04/06/2025 17:21

Oh poor little lad.

Would she be interested in meeting up with DS so he can say good bye to her & the dig of maintaining a relationship with him? They don't have to stop contact just because she's breaking up with his Dad. It diesnt have to be frequent contact?!

Do you trust him not to drink now when your DS is with him? IF you don't, maybe he needs to come to yours to tell DS (even if they go out for a walk)

Disco2022 · 04/06/2025 17:29

Yeah we have already discussed that she can still see him, and hopefully they can walk the dog together/that sort of thing. I'm sure she will miss him too.
I honestly have no idea about what it's going to look like drinking wise and I'm trying to stay rational and not jump to anything just yet. He's telling me that "it's under control" and all the usual lies. I think I feel fairly ok that my son is able to tell me if anything is wrong. (When we first split up I wouldn't allow sleeping over as he was too young to tell me if something was wrong)
But I've got all my eyes open for the signs. (I don't think I'm being naive here) but if help him salvage his relationship with our son then my son loses less.

OP posts:
Disco2022 · 04/06/2025 17:30

Or maybe that's something I need to challenge. Like what is he actually losing by losing a drunk for a father?
But my mum stopped me from seeing my dad and I really resented her for it, despite all of his many faults I still wanted to know him.

OP posts:
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