Feeling guilty for having a second baby.

[Blossom993]

I recently had my second child. I have two under two - My eldest is 20 months and youngest is a couple of weeks old.

Whilst I don’t feel like I have postnatal depression (I had it really bad with my first) I just find myself getting upset and feeling guilty because I can tell my eldest feels neglected. Myself and my husband spend lots of time with him and reassure him the best we can (he can’t speak much) (my parents and his are very helpful and my MIL is currently staying with us).

But in the last couple of weeks I can tell he’s not himself. He is clingy and more irritable than usual. I find myself bursting into tears when I see him like this and part of me regrets having another because hes been effected this way .

If anyone’s been in a similar/ the same situation, does it get better ?

I have 2 with an exact 24 month age gap. I really struggled at first and honestly now my youngest is 6 month old I’m finally feeling im
getting the swing of things.
mum guilt is constant no matter what you do, the best thing you can do is just make sure you still have 1 on 1 time, occasionally tell baby they have to wait while you help your older child out loud so they can hear etc. it does get better soon, little one can be distracted with a toy, go down for naps and will give you chance to have more individual time!
eventually they will get a lovely little bond and interact and it will feel worth it, you’re just really in the trenches at the moment be kind to yourself x

I'm sorry to feel this way, but your oldest will be fine. Having a sibling who he will be able to play, a best friend for life, is an amazing thing and definitely worth a few months of clinginess.

What helped me is to get my oldest involved: she helped me with feeding (held the bottle with me), helped with diaper change (put the dirty nappy into a bag and my daughter took it to the bin) and so on.

I also put together a little gift basket - things I knew my oldest wanted - and I told her it's "from the baby."

As pp said, make sure you have some time with him. You don't need much, just as little as a small walk or some quiet reading. I think neediness and jealousy when a new baby arrives are completely normal. Kids are resilient. He will be fine!

Speaking from experience, having a sibling close in age is incredible both as a child and adult.

Apparently I sulked a bit, do I remember? Of course not. Would I swap my brother? Of course not.

Your oldest will be fine.
Everything is very new and everyone just needs to adjust a little.
First borns have been adjusting to having a sibling from time immemorable.

Oh my gosh OP, this was me just a few months ago. DS1 had just turned 3 when DS2 was born, so not exactly the same situation as you. But the guilt in those first few weeks ate me alive. I felt like I had made a huge mistake and missed the dynamic we had before. DS1 was not himself at all, he would act out, cry more, and really beg for my attention.

slowly but surely, things started improving and now we have much more balance. DS1 is himself again. DH made sure to give him extra time and affection, took him out for fun activities and gave him lots of cuddles. He’d even sleep in his room when he was particularly upset. And then I would spend a few hours alone time with him here and there, which I think helped him feel seen by me.

It’s still very early days, please don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It will get better!

Hi all, thanks for all your advice and sharing your experience I really do appreciate it. Makes me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s been a few days since I posted and I’m already seeing that he’s a bit more settled.

For everyone saying my eldest will be fine, rationally I know you’re correct but I think when it comes to your kids you can be a bit irrational sometimes. I think seeing him so out of character (and he really is a character) just freaked me out so much and upset me that I just wanted to know other people’s experience. My siblings and mother all had at least 3 years between pregnancies so they can’t really give me their perspectives.

like I said im already seeing an improvement so hopefully it was just more of an overreaction on my part 😅.

thank you all again ❤️

Great to hear things are a little better.
Everything can be so overwhelming with a new baby