Party invite problem

[ItsAllTooMuch4Lisa]

Sent out (32) invites to entire class two and a half weeks ago and the rsvp date has passed four days ago. Only had any kind of response from 5 people !!

the children are 10 so quite capable of handing invites over

I’ve had to consider if I cancel the party as I’m meant to have confirmed numbers two days ago and the venue want final payment for food etc.

Thr last disco we had there were lots didn’t reply but turned up, lots arrived and then I found siblings had been left with them as parents did a dump and run! Some said not coming but turned up and lots said coming but didn’t.

its just a nightmare

so tempted to cancel it now and use the money on my child instead …

what is the etiquette in this situation? Feeling quite cross

At 10 I would worry the kids have just verbally RSVP'd and it hasn't got to the parents. I would put a message in class WhatsApp asking for final rsvps

I would ask for last minute RSVP's.
But I'd also say if you haven't rsvp'ed please don't turn up and invite doesn't extend to any siblings 😁😁

I’d change it to something with the 5 who have rsvped. Do an activity? Tree tops or laser quest or whatever.

And I wouldn’t bother to let the rest know it had changed.

After the last time I would have done a whole class party, they are incredibly rude.

I’m assuming you put an RSVP date and contact number on the invite? Seems a silly question but worth checking!

assuming you did, then yes I agree it’s absolutely rude to either not reply and then turn up anyway and even ruder to turn up and drop siblings too!

do you have a class WhatsApp?
id start with a “hi all, hope you had a good half term. We popped invites into school bags shortly before half term for Fred’s birthday on 20th June. I need to confirm numbers tomorrow for food, so if you’d like to come and haven’t yet confirmed, please let me know by 9am tomorrow! I’m sorry we can’t host siblings this year. X

youll either get a flurry of omg I’m so sorry yes please / no can’t make it etc or tumbleweed.

if you still end up with low numbers and those who can attend are children your DS will enjoy celebrating with, why not turn it into a different party - thanks so much for rsvp’ing - as numbers are a little lower we’ve decided to book the trampoline park followed by pizza express for the same date and time! Let me know if you’d like to stay for a drink with us or if you’re going to drop them off and come back at the end!

You hand wrote 32 party invitations? To 10 year olds?

After the fiasco you had last year, I absolutely wouldn’t have tried again this year. I think at 10, whole class (or large) parties are quite unusual. It’s very likely that many of them didn’t even make it to a parent. Children who aren’t particularly interested (not a close friend) won’t necessarily have handed it over to a parent.

If they have just been chucked in bags, with the chaos up to half term and lots of people going away, they probably are still in bags. I haven’t looked in my primary school child’s bag for weeks. Not even this morning as we were packing and rushing out the door. I have definitely missed a party just after a school holiday before because I just didn’t find the invite til after.

That said, you probably have a hefty population of CFs in there too judging by last year. You must after 6 years have these parents’ numbers, just message and say you need an RSVP today. If no response, I’d be inclined to do something different purely for the satisfaction of knowing that some of them will still turn up at the original one, siblings in tow, expecting you to be there and think it’s all fine. But I’m probably a bit mean. 😂

Wow that’s a big party for 10 year olds. Have you asked your child whether their friends have said they can come? By this age I’d ask your child to ask their friends to ask their parents to send you a message.

If the invitations were given directly to the children in class, they are in their trays or in the bottoms of their bags. We had similar for my DS's 10th birthday party - an evening of frantic messaging revealed that only one invitation (out of about nine or ten) had actually made it to the parents and the others had no idea about the party. Everyone came in the end but I never trusted kid-mail again!

This is why a WhatsApp invitation is far easier. That way you can ping another message saying ‘Hi all, only had 5 RSVPs out of the 32, can you let me now if you can or can’t make it please?’

Didn't realise paper invites were still a thing.

We all use WhatsApp for class parties, not paper invitations. Also, by age 10, the parties got much smaller. No one ever invited the whole class at that stage. Friendship groups are way more developed by then. 32 is a lot of kids! But it's too late to change the numbers now as you've no idea who has seen it. So why not do as previous posters have suggested and set up a party WhatsApp group. Explain the invitations were sent out on X date, ask for definite confirmation on numbers by 9pm tonight and mention that unfortunately you can't host siblings. Then make your decision based on the replies you get. If the numbers are low, maybe do something else instead.

Pre printed invites made for party- teachers ensured each child got one in home comms book or in hand if able to manage that.

party is a special cinema event put on purely for this group hence all class and entertainment / food (and special diets) had to be final confirmed numbers

all the class have some additional needs of varying types

all the students travel from quite far to this education provision hence no WhatsApp group & parents don’t know each other (sent in 35 invites to give to children as I don’t even know their first names let alone family names)

last years party was at a mainstream school and a horrendous experience due to the wholly inappropriate behaviours of parents

pretty disappointed. It doesn’t matter if children can’t come or don’t want to or whatever but it’s courtesy to reply!

Never put the location/address of the party on the invites. That way they have to rsvp to get this

At age 10 just keep the party small to your child's actual friends.
Just take the 5 children to the cinema and then out for tea.
You're making your own life complicated.
Save the money and put it into your child's savings account.
Agree its rude not to reply though.

Why don’t you pause being disappointed and do what we are all recommending: send a WhatsApp to the parent WhatsApp group. Half of the parents won’t have seen the invite yet (bottom of bag)! You’ve organised what sounds like an amazing event, now all you have to do is make sure all parents know about it and remind everyone to rsvp. If they still don’t reply after your message, then come back here and we’ll all tell you you’ve got every right to be disappointed. (I agree it’s rude not to rsvp. Just give them another chance this time, now that you’ve already gone through all that effort, and next year I would only invite close friends!)

Reply to the parents who did reply saying you have changed venue and take them and your birthday DC somewhere suitable for a group that size that DC loves.

You definitely can’t cancel and make those who have bothered to reply feel as if they’re not good enough.

Also I would want to post someone at the original venue to report on any CFs rocking up after not RSVPing and wondering where you were. Bonus points if a CF call you from the original venue in confusion.

Such a great idea. Mine have grown now. I wish I’d thought of this

How do I do this when I don’t know the children’s or parents names and have no contact details?

Some of these children use wheelchairs, they have learning disabilities- it’s not as easy as that . Some need special food. They go to a special school

Can you print out follow up notes and ask the teacher to hand out? It’s tricky because if the kids have additional needs to varying degrees you might not have been able to rely on them just making sure the parents get them from the kids. But it’s also a big job for the teacher to personally hand out. How did they do this originally?
A note saying ‘can those invited to Jacks party on x date please let me know on Y phone number by z date if they are able to make it? Please note we won’t be able to accommodate anyone who hasn’t RSVP’d and don’t want any children to be disappointed’.
We don’t have a class WhatsApp group either but where I live a message can be put on the community Facebook page asking for anyone who was invited to child’s party to RSVP and/or let them know on Facebook. I can see how this might not be a thing if it’s an asn school rather than a local primary but do the school have a Facebook page even?

What she means is have a small party. Inviting the whole class has led to a complicated situation where you now have twenty seven people who you don’t know to chase up. If you had just invited the actual friends if your child in the first place this would not he happening now.

I would just give the venue the numbers you have and assume the people who have replied are the ones that are coming. I wouldn’t cancel it.

I think I’d try something like this too. As it’s a whole class invite the teacher might be happy to help. I would.

The parents are being very inconsiderate not replying but it is something that people can forget.

Yes, 10 is perhaps quite young and messaging the parents would be more helpful. x

This is really tricky, I really feel for you. I'm not sure how you approach it really, do you have 0 phone numbers, not even for your childs closest friends? I appreciate they have additional needs but they surely know the names of some kids in class/you must have met friends or parents at some school event or something...? For those who already rsvp-d did their parents not include a number or message you to confirm?
If you have any numbers, I'd contact the ones you know, see if they've any other numbers too and try and gather as many as possible. If it's a special needs provision and they're 10, I can imagine some invites never even made it through. My little boy is sen and he would literally forget and lose everything ever said or given to him, so anyone with that level of ND is a potential "never got the invite-er". He'd also forget to say he was rsvping if I gave him a message or a note back itd never make it.
Can you ask the teacher or can you ask parents at drop off or pick up, or are the children all on school transport? Maybe send another note via the teacher?
If none of that works, I guess you say to the venue that you've 5 confirmed, more may show up but theres not a lot you can do. I personally wouldn't cancel if your child's excited for it, you'll have to pay anyway and if the venue insist on a number, go high and then some don't show up but there's more good for everyone else. If your child isn't bothered then cancel and do something they enjoy - it's their celebration after all.

Those who ignored the invite are rude, but if they've additional needs children they are probably even more busy and stressed than the average parent so I'd be annoyed but sometimes such is life and parents drop the balls.

Thanks I’ve spoken to the event organisers who whilst empathetic can’t change any details at this stage now or I have to cancel. So disappointing and very costly. Tried to do the right thing inviting all the children so nobody was excluded (SEN children often get missed out from party invites). Spoke to a member of school staff who said this has happened before and unfortunately many of the parents of children in the class aren’t particularly reliable for various reasons . Will just go ahead with what planned as it took a lot of planning ! Won’t be doing it again

What about cousins / family friends kids - if the money is spent I’d open it up to other friends that may not have been invited first time around. We have a group which is our antenatal class and it’s now nearly 20 kids so we don’t invite each other to parties as a rule of thumb but they’d totally get it if I pinged a message saying we’ve got spaces if they’d like to join us!