Toddler starting nursery this week - advice for mum!

[AnxiousLurker]

Hi all,

My little girl has just turned 2 in May and she’s off to nursery this week. I have been a full-time SAHM since the day she was born and I consider myself so lucky to have been.

I have read and heard a lot about how best to settle her in, and obviously the nursery will help us with a settling in plan, but I am wondering if anybody has any helpful advice on how I can adjust to her starting?

I suffer with anxiety, and probably the biggest thing for me is trusting people to care for her etc (obviously we have done a lot of research, and know of other children who have been to the nursery and I do trust them and love the staff already).

I’m also worried about her ‘fitting in’ and being okay around other children. She doesn’t talk as much as others her age and also she has a scar on her lip so I am worried she ‘looks different’ although I don’t think children see that really tbh.

She will only be going three mornings a week to start with and I really don’t want to spend those hours spiralling and being worried and obsessing over the online journal they use.

Sorry for rambling. Advice and thoughts welcome. Please be nice, this is a big step for us all.

TIA

Does she have settling in sessions? Normally an hour here and there in the build up to starting properly?

@Springadorable Yes, they’ve told me to bring her for an hour each day this week (first three days) and then they will have a chat with me about how we approach next week (so, do we do an hour or do we try longer/shorter/me going out the room a bit more etc)

Perfect. That sounds great. They sound happy to adjust the plan depending on how she gets on 😊

Keep yourself busy. Have you got a project that needs doing where you aren't clock watching and letting the anxiety gremlins get the better of you.

Huge factor is you staying very positive and that your daughter sees that. So very smiley, happily greeting the staff, saying how excited you are.

When you have to leave the room keep it short and sweet "mummy's going now but I'll be back in a bit, I love you, have fun!". Then leave without looking back and without giving any sign you're anxious or sad.

Also going regularly is important - stick to the times given and avoid taking unnecessary time off until she's fully settled.

@Chocolateorange22 Ooh I do love a project. I’ll have a think. I am sure there is always going to be something! The clock watching worries me so you’re right I should find something.

@Uphighseesky Thank you! I’m worried about hiding my anxieties, so this is definitely going to be a big thing for me. We have been going to a class that is run by the nursery for sometime now and one of the leaders, who is part of the nursery, has been hugging and chatting with me for exactly that reason.

i have only ever left the room at classes on DD twice and both times she hasn’t bat an eyelid! However, it was only for a few minutes and then she spent the rest of the classes checking I was still there. 🫣

My DD joined nursery at 2.5. I had nothing but anxiety and worries. I was very much crying every morning and whilst she was away from me (I’m also living outside of the U.K so not being in England gave me even more worries and anxiety). However, a member of staff was so understanding and calming and she was really great with my DD. It took us 3 months for her to be fully settled and to be able to stay a couple of hours without me. I was leaving the room for 10 minutes and then 30 minutes and then 1 hour. I would always tell her I was going for a coffee or going to walk the dog or tidy up and that I would be back in no time.

Fast forward to now and she is so unbelievably happy to be there. She wakes up in the morning and shouts ‘I’m going to see my friends!’. She has had play dates and we even have some new friends in the other parents. Basically, when she started to enjoy it, it eased all my worries. It will be tough for a while but it will all fall in to place :) don’t worry!

@lilylooleelala Thank you for sharing you and your DD's experiences with me! I am certain that going to nursery is the right step for my DD and I really think she will thrive there. I am bracing myself for a long settling in plan too, but happy to do whatever it takes. Might have to do it twice - she's starting for five weeks and then it's summer holidays!